Sex and Friendship

[butterfly]

This is applies to friend-based slash or het.

A sexual relationship doesn't have to cheapen a deep love-based friendship, but it can if you let the sex overwhelm the friendship.

The important thing to remember is that a sexual relationship doesn't replace friendship. It's about adding the sexual dimension to the already existing relationship. You keep all the layers that are already there, but add this new one.

I love the Buffy/Xander relationship as it's illustrated on the show. Why would I want to mess with a good thing? I don't, which is why I try to keep in mind all the history (good and bad) that they share. Now, how successful at it I am, only my readers can say, but I always try to keep them friends first.

People are complicated. Every single person is incredibly complicated and there is no way to catch all of that in the confines of a single story. All any of us can do is try. All we can do is to do our best to find moments and passages that we can capture and bring to life. Find moments of truth and clarity and passion. Find ourselves in the characters and find the characters in ourselves.

The reason that Buffy and Xander fall in love in my mind is because I love them both, and my mind can see to lighting the way for them to see in each other what I see in them.

That's what relationship-based writing is for me.

Comments

(rassing-frassing pesky tags)

[raveninthewind.livejournal.com]

I always feel bad for Anya in Hell's Bells when she says, "I get to marry my best friend."

That made me sad, too, because I thought she was telling the truth, but that it wasn't mutual.

Re: (rassing-frassing pesky tags)

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

And I think she was - Xander had become her best friend (though, really, it isn't as though the poor girl had people lining up for the honor). And yeah, Anya was never Xander's best friend. Not for a single moment. It is sad.