Angel - Season One - Sanctuary

First off, I never saw Buffy as a bitch in this episode. I remember the first time I watched it and I was still so furious at Faith for what she'd done. It was tantamount to rape. She took Buffy's body. Even had sex with Buffy's body. She was planning on stealing Buffy's life and she sentenced Buffy to be hauled off by the police.

Oh, I was so much on Buffy's side during the first-run of Sanctuary.

I was so astonished when I realized that some people didn't understand Buffy's anger in the episode. "Oh, Faith's asked for help, so Buffy should just fall over herself to help." Then again, some people hate Buffy for not falling in love with a guy who tried to kill her and her friends several times, so I guess there are some things that I will never see like some people do.

Everything that Buffy feels in this episode resonates with me... still does now. Only this time, it's even worse because I've got this love for Wesley, too. I mean, I hurt for the poor guy tortured by Faith, but he wasn't my Wesley yet, so it wasn't quite the same.

Buffy came to L.A. because she thought Faith was trying to kill Angel. She found them hugging. Angel didn't even deny that Faith had tried to kill him, just said that she'd changed. Well, Buffy missed the break-down in the rain, Angel, so maybe you should excuse the fact that she finds that a little less than believable. Yeah, she probably does know that Faith was doing it a lot out of self-hate. That doesn't change what Faith did to her.

And then Angel hits her to protect Faith from her. Buffy here reminds me of Darla's incredibly hurt - "You were saving missionaries... from me." Subtext - "You chose someone else over me." No matter what, that's always going to be a blow. And to have it be someone that you absolutely despise at the moment... Buffy says that Faith made her feel like a victim. That no one else had ever done that. And I get that. Faith's theft of Buffy's body was probably the worst thing that had happened to her at that point, because she had no control at all over it. Faith stole Buffy's body, her identity, and did it in a way that tried to make sure that Buffy wouldn't have a chance to get anything back. Buffy got spit on by the Council Guys. No matter how horrible the battle, Buffy was always treated with at least a little respect by her foes once they knew what she was. As Faith, she had no respect. And that's not something that Buffy would take lightly. She would never have let anyone treat her like that, and because of Faith, she had no choice.

And then, God, Angel even doubts that she'd try to protect Faith. Doesn't he know Buffy? Even when she's with someone she hates, her first instinct is to protect. That's Buffy. She wanted Faith in a jail cell, not dead.

I wonder if that's where Faith got the idea to turn herself in - Buffy told her not to apologize, but mentioned that jail was where she wanted Faith.

And B was pretty much the only person that Faith tried to make anything up to. Not that I'm still bitter over the Xander thing.

Well, maybe a little.

...I would have punched Faith in Dirty Girls, if I were Buffy. Because she did deserve one good punch. The second, at the club, was probably too much, but I totally give her the first one.

Transformation - Darla (touches on Angel and Spike)

I keep thinking about what Angel said about Darla - "She never had a chance." Did she? She was a working girl in the New World, dying of syphilis. Not a life brimming with opportunity. Then she was a vampire, soulless. Just a monster. Taught by the Master.

And she was still a romantic. A vampire who'd once been a whore, who dreamed of a man to spend all of eternity with. "It's mythic." And a relationship where she had the power. She'd made Angel. And yet, in the end, he killed her. In the end, she couldn't keep him. Couldn't control him. "No one could keep up with you. Not even me."

We've known three vampires touched by souls, and all of them were unique even before that. All of them wanted something so desperately that they were willing to take a chance in embracing darkness, though none of them knew what they were getting into. Darla, who never minced words, who always longed for a view... always longed to live in a place where the surroundings were worth looking at. Spike, tired of being spit on and turned down, who longed for respect and for protection from his own frail heart. And Angel, who wanted to matter. Who wanted more than what he had and who thought that he deserved it.

Darla died an independant woman. William died in the care of his mother. Liam died under the rule of his father. Abandoned, smothered, spurned. All of them were miserable with their lives and all of them were looking for something - for life, for hope, for something bigger. And they found it.

Darla could be a powerful lady in silks and blood. Spike could kill anyone who laughed at him. And Angelus could have fun with no father to tell him no.

All three of our 'special' vampires were trapped by where they were in life, and becoming vampires allowed them to leave their situation.

But they couldn't escape who they were. Darla said it herself, "What we once were informs all that we have become."

So many important things happen in alleys on these shows. Both Spike and Angel were made in alleys. Darla died in one. Connor was born in one. An alley is a place of transformation in the Buffyverse - it's where Faith has her breakdown in 5x5. It makes sense - an alley is trapped between two buildings, mouth open to the street and all of it open to the sky. And it's a dirty place. Transformations rarely occur without pain and suffering and dirt. Buffy hits her lowest point in an alley - pummeling Spike in Dead Things.

Darla dies the first time in a shuttered room. The second in a dark club. The third in a hotel room. And the fourth in an alley. Only the fourth was of her agency. The others were done to her, but the alley transformation, she chose. In that moment, Darla finally had the power. And she used it for the right reason.

She earned her redeemption, I believe. In her first human life, she gave up on God and welcomed the devil. In her second, she embraced the notion that she was meant to die and that it wasn't such an evil thing. And then, as a souled vampire, she gave up her life for her son's. She died a mother the last time.