(no subject)

Some thoughts are a bit like morning mist - it's there and you can see it, but it can fade so quickly and it's so faint when it is there. That's part of why I post incomplete essays and thoughts on here - so that they don't fade, so that they're captured and I can figure out what to do with them later.

Of course, this presupposes that I'll ever have enough time to go through these things and redo them. Well, that's the joy of making them memories - they'll keep.

I don't trust my brain to remember the good stuff. The human mind is a wonderful thing but it just isn't reliable enough. Sometimes, I come up with ideas and thoughts away from the computer and I never get a chance to put the thoughts down and they're lost. It's a bloody shame, is what it is.

In other, more cheerful news, I got a raise. Twenty cents, but a raise is a raise.

And thank you to the people who've wished me an early happy birthday. I'd have thanked you on your journals, but I can't seem to find who did it. But I do remember at least two people, so thank you very much, sorry about the whole thing where my memory sucks.

Thoughts on Superman, Smallville, and tragedies

I was never a big Superman fan as a kid. He was too perfect, you know? Big shiny guy without any flaws.

I first thought that he was interesting in Lois and Clark: the New Adventures of Superman. I fell in love with Dean Cain's Clark Kent. And it is Clark Kent that I fell for. He was a total sweetheart, but he wasn't perfect. And he was real to me, in a way that Superman wasn't.

I like the version of Superman where that's the disguise that Clark wears. How did they put it? "Superman is what I can do, Clark Kent is who I am."

And I loved the love story. Lois and Clark were wonderful together. They fit.

So then Smallville started and I didn't watch right away. I started watching about halfway through, when someone showed me an episode and I realized that there was some quality there. Now, there's cheese and there's suck on occasion, but overall? I'm very glad that I started watching.

I got attached to Clark pretty quickly. I like the heros. I also got attached to Lex pretty quickly. I like the complicated ones, the yearning ones. Some of my favorites are the ones who search and want and hope and try and always end up burned.

Knowing the end of the story is a blessing and a curse. A part of me wants to hope that Clark can save Lex from that fate. At the same time, I want the Rift in all its glorious pain. I want the Clark I saw in Shattered. I love the tragedies - Romeo and Juliet, Moulin Rouge, and West Side Story are three of my favorite movies. And in all of them, there's this terrible knowledge of the futility of hope, and yet the hope and love persists. Every time, I hope for Romeo to see Juliet wake up before he drinks the poison. I hope that Satine doesn't die. I hope that Tony isn't shot.

I see that same beauty in the story of Connor. And in the ultimate story of Lex on Smallville.

It's the glory of a supernova, the sheer beauty of self-destruction. Terrible and amazing.

And on a totally different topic, I'm thinking of getting rid of my splash/warning page. I've always hated having it, and I'm thinking I'll just put the warning stuff on the main page. I'll be very clear about the whole thing, but on the main page. I put the page there in the first place because of that horrible thing with my last job, where my employer came across my website and I ended up not working for her anymore. Huge levels of unfun. But I think it's enough to have the warning on the main page. Also, I doubt I will ever accidentally email my website's address to Burgerville, as they don't ever email me.

Website update:

Website:
Explorations of Obsession

Added Paper Moon to Even Heroes. Added thoughts on forgiveness to the Buffy and Angel essay pages, complete with hotlinks to each episode the word appears in. Deleted splash/warning page. Changed the main graphic.

Once again, I'd like to note that as far as I can tell, the word 'forgive' hasn't appeared at all in Season Five of Angel yet.

And I'm thinking of redoing the way I have my fics organized. The picture-links are nice when you only have a few stories, but they get unwieldy after a while.