Uh-oh.

[butterfly]

aka "everyone's entitled to a hero, right?"

So, I was all set to do the fanfic author appreciation thing.

Except I can't think of anything to say. At least, nothing that's anywhere near as effusive as I managed for Speranza. Because I adore a great many authors, but Speranza's work? I pretty much worship.

I should have done her last.

Because she's... for me, yeah, she's up there with people like Terry Pratchett, writing-wise.

Like, you have the authors who have written one or two good fics. You have authors who write one or two good fandoms (and then they try to branch out, and you wince because they were so good at their original fandoms and now... just no). You have authors that always write great porn. Some write great gen and can create plots that thrill you. Some can make you believe that characters are actually talking. Authors that make you cry and laugh and love.

There are a good four or five dozen authors that I could rec as being undeniably great, approaching brilliant.

But, just as there are many wonderful authors in the world, but there is only one PTerry; there is only one Speranza. Speranza is who I secretly long to write like, in my heart of hearts (and not so secretly, at times). And, as I mentioned in my post, she hits my list of favorite authors ever.

Not favorite fic authors but favorite authors, period.

Yeeeeah. Really shoulda done her last.

In other news? I've been in the best mood the last couple of days. It's the side-effect of confession plus the giddy joy of really great news. The guests at BV haven't managed to annoy me at all so far this week. Normally, I'm irritated by the end of Monday. But, god, confession really is good for the soul. I just keep randomly smiling recently. For no reason, just because I'm happy.

I mean, I thought I was happy before, but I still had this low-level anxiety where I was questioning myself. And now that I have that measure of faith in myself back, I can do stuff like admit that I briefly wrote horrible Herc non-con at age sixteen, which I would have died before pointing out before.

Comments

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

I mean, I thought I was happy before, but I still had this low-level anxiety where I was questioning myself. And now that I have that measure of faith in myself back, I can do stuff like admit that I briefly wrote horrible Herc non-con at age sixteen, which I would have died before pointing out before.

Being able to admitting to that is a clear sign of strength. Good for you.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Heh, thanks.

Oh, hey, I just wanted to say that though I can never think of anything to say on your posts, I do read them. And they make me think outside the literary/character drama box that I tend to put BtVS in, which is of the good.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I don't necessarily expect people to.

I'm somewhat outside the bounds of the show because I'm reading it, in a sense, as a political work instead of a literary one. But, at least with S7, there's this overlap because Joss was IMHO trying to make a political statement. But from a literary perspective instead of political, so I think it doesn't translate to a viewer like me very well. It's like - I think I know the point "Chosen" was supposed to make - and it made that point for lots of people - but it didn't quite work for me.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

It's like - I think I know the point "Chosen" was supposed to make - and it made that point for lots of people - but it didn't quite work for me.

And it's really interesting to see where it all doesn't work for you. Because as a lit girl, I get all caught up in symbolism, so sometimes, I miss the more concrete and 'real-life' aspects.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

Because as a lit girl, I get all caught up in symbolism, so sometimes, I miss the more concrete and 'real-life' aspects.

Cool. And heh. Because it's also about my own academic background. S7 made me go running toward my political science stuff.

With Lessons - The first scene of the season - Buffy w/Dawn in the Graveyard... and The last scene "It's about Power"... Symbolically it probably works with Chosen, but in a Government Major/Government Professional sort of way it doesn't. Because while the show is all "Empowerment Yay!" I'm thinking... "hey those new slayers are powerful and can take care of themselves. What about the not slayers. We need more of that stuff from the first scene..."

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Right, whereas working from the metaphor of Slayerhood = womanhood, that question doesn't exist at all. Working from the metaphor of Slayerhood as literalized potential, again, the question goes away. Staying in the reality of the world, the question exists and is only partially answered via the presence of non-superpowereds like Xander and Dawn. We know that they're going to help the new Slayers, but we don't know what they're going to do about the rest of the world.

[scrollgirl.livejournal.com]

I mean, I thought I was happy before, but I still had this low-level anxiety where I was questioning myself. And now that I have that measure of faith in myself back, I can do stuff like admit that I briefly wrote horrible Herc non-con at age sixteen, which I would have died before pointing out before.

So glad you have some of that faith back. *hugs* I may not know you very well, but the more I get to know you, the more I come to admire how brave and strong you are!

Ooh Herc non-con. I'll confess that I've written horribly trite original character het non-con before. I was sixteen too!

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

So glad you have some of that faith back. *hugs* I may not know you very well, but the more I get to know you, the more I come to admire how brave and strong you are!

Thank you. And yeah, I'd really... I thought that if I could misjudge glossing's intentions so greatly and offend her so much, that my perception was screwed. I couldn't trust my emotional judgement of other people. Which led to a lot of backing away from people. It hit on my biggest pre-existing issues.

Ooh Herc non-con. I'll confess that I've written horribly trite original character het non-con before. I was sixteen too!

And it feels so daring at sixteen, writing non-con.

[millefiori.livejournal.com]

I loved reading your post about Cesperanza -- she's one of my all-time favorite writers, too. I think it's because her style just totally suits my wants/needs in fiction. Her stories usually have everything I love and nothing I don't, so reading/re-reading them is just a joy.

It's kind of weird the way LJ lets us "get to know" people in ways we usually don't on mailing lists. I used to happily email Ces about her stories when I first discovered them, but now that I know more about her from LJ I'm totally intimidated about talking to her. Stupid, I know, but there you have it.

I'm so glad that your recent 'confessions' have given you some peace. I really admire you for being so honest and up front about such personal, painful issues. (Maybe it's situations like this that gave rise to the saying, 'The truth shall set you free.')

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

shakes millefiori!!!

Okay, the downside--or maybe it's the upside, I don't know--of this fanfiction writers appreciation week is that there are all these people doing posts about me which they clearly don't think I'm reading (cuz, what, I hate reading NICE things about myself?!) and in which they talk about how distant and intimidating I am, which I am SO NOT. I mean, okay, that's nonsensical, because intimidation is obviously in the eye of the intimidated, so suit yourself *g*-- but why was I not intimidating on email and I'm intimidating on LJ? I want to file an objection and insist that I am really not at all intimidating. I was this judgment of me being intimidating overturned!

[millefiori.livejournal.com]

LOL -- I should've known you'd see this! It's not so much that you're intimidating; you're really not. You've always been kind and down to earth and very sweet in your email/list mail responses to me. The problem is my own self-esteem issues, particularly with regard to my lack of formal education, which is a real insecurity button for me. There's a nasty little part of my brain that says I have no business trying to pretend equality with a fantastic writer who is also a university professor with a PhD and a glamorous lifestyle who leaves really intellectual comments in my intellectual friends' LJs that I sometimes don't even understand because I never took the classes and don't know the lingo.... Well, as you can see, I'm practically a psychiatrist's new Mercedes!

But...objection sustained and judgement overturned! All my neuroses notwithstanding, you really are one of the nicest people I've met in fandom. :)

[cesperanza.livejournal.com]

Dude, I wrote Sentinel for three years. *g* How glamorous can I BE? *g*

Vis a vis the academic lingo--yes, there's a lingo, the way doctors have a lingo and dentists have a lingo and mechanics have a lingo. I'm not one of these people who thinks jargon is bad--jargon is useful when it allows you to get a complicated concept across to someone else who also knows the lingo in fewer words than normal; it's a useful shorthand. But it's only shorthand if you've done the debate before. (Same thing with fannish lingo--we know what we mean when we say it's a first time, noncon slash story with a Mary Sue written by a BNF in DS. *G*) Anyway, yeah, when people who've had similar training want to communicate fast, they might drop into lingo--and there's nothing good or bad about that, IMO. I mean, not all conversations are equally accessible to everyone at all times; sometimes I don't know what people are talking about because it's a fandom I don't know, and I nod and feel stupid. Academia is like another fandom I have, is all, though mainly, because it's work, I try to keep it out of my fannish life when I can!

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Her stories usually have everything I love and nothing I don't, so reading/re-reading them is just a joy.

Exactly. There's never anything that I dislike about her stories and so many things that I adore. They're just satisfying.

I'm so glad that your recent 'confessions' have given you some peace. I really admire you for being so honest and up front about such personal, painful issues. (Maybe it's situations like this that gave rise to the saying, 'The truth shall set you free.')

It really does help so much. This week, for the first time since my last bout of cutting, I wore short sleeves at work. One person asked, I answered, and I didn't feel any shame or fear. This lack of shame about cutting is actually contributing to my positive energy, which makes it much less likely for me to choose to cut. The 'dirty secret' aspect is gone, taking away that much more of my stress.

[jic]

*hugs* Glad you're happy
=D

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Exceedingly happy.

Tomorrow at three, yes? I'll bring the naked Daniel.

[jic]

Now that's an offer I can't refuse!

Whee!

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

Yay! Glad you're feeling better!

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I do feel about twenty pounds lighter. Very nice feeling.