Still my #1 guy.
May. 16th, 2003 08:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflyMy Xander...
...always thinks that this apocalypse will be his last.
...still hasn't gotten over his parental issues.
...actually, he completely avoids thinking about his parents and never goes near his old house.
...knows that vampires and demons aren't the worst monsters in the world.
...still isn't used to rejection.
...probably never will be.
...loves Willow more than anything else in the world.
...started using 'Xander' as his nickname because he wanted a name that was slightly odd, like Willow's.
...looked up the meaning of his name once and laughed.
...wonder if maybe he shouldn't have, considering all he's done for the world.
...knows that he never did any of it for the world, he did it for his girls.
...feels a bit guilty about thinking of Willow, Buffy, Anya, and Dawn as 'his girls'.
...does it anyway.
...still misses Cordy sometimes.
...misses the way Cordy would kiss him, and the way she could be sweet.
...doesn't miss her cutting insults.
...except when he's feeling particularly masochistic.
...knows a lot more than he lets on.
...but still knows less than he think he should.
...is always ready to hide his fear behind a joke.
...admires the hell out of Buffy, no matter what.
...still has no clue why she chose Spike to fuck around with.
...is willing to admit to himself that he does have a clue, but he refuses to go further than that.
...is more than a little bisexual, but he'd never do anything about it.
...though if Buffy hadn't gotten to Riley first, he would have been tempted.
...doesn't try to get Giles' approval anymore.
...still wishes that he could.
...visits Joyce's grave as often as he can stand to.
...will probably sleep with Anya again whenever she wants to, as long as they're both single.
...still wonders sometimes if Buffy would have dated him in an Angel-less world.
...misses the closeness that Buffy, Willow, and he used to share.
...sometimes thinks about Faith, but whenever he has a fantasy about her, he remembers her hands around his throat and all fantasizing ends.
...wonders if he should have talked to someone about that.
...knows that there isn't a chance in hell that he ever would.
...still has nightmares about trying to rape Buffy.
...and now, sometimes Spike's there, too, trying to hurt her.
...was pissed off at Buffy about losing his eye.
...knows that it wasn't fair of him to feel that way.
...never expected to live this long.
...always thinks that this apocalypse will be his last.
...still hasn't gotten over his parental issues.
...actually, he completely avoids thinking about his parents and never goes near his old house.
...knows that vampires and demons aren't the worst monsters in the world.
...still isn't used to rejection.
...probably never will be.
...loves Willow more than anything else in the world.
...started using 'Xander' as his nickname because he wanted a name that was slightly odd, like Willow's.
...looked up the meaning of his name once and laughed.
...wonder if maybe he shouldn't have, considering all he's done for the world.
...knows that he never did any of it for the world, he did it for his girls.
...feels a bit guilty about thinking of Willow, Buffy, Anya, and Dawn as 'his girls'.
...does it anyway.
...still misses Cordy sometimes.
...misses the way Cordy would kiss him, and the way she could be sweet.
...doesn't miss her cutting insults.
...except when he's feeling particularly masochistic.
...knows a lot more than he lets on.
...but still knows less than he think he should.
...is always ready to hide his fear behind a joke.
...admires the hell out of Buffy, no matter what.
...still has no clue why she chose Spike to fuck around with.
...is willing to admit to himself that he does have a clue, but he refuses to go further than that.
...is more than a little bisexual, but he'd never do anything about it.
...though if Buffy hadn't gotten to Riley first, he would have been tempted.
...doesn't try to get Giles' approval anymore.
...still wishes that he could.
...visits Joyce's grave as often as he can stand to.
...will probably sleep with Anya again whenever she wants to, as long as they're both single.
...still wonders sometimes if Buffy would have dated him in an Angel-less world.
...misses the closeness that Buffy, Willow, and he used to share.
...sometimes thinks about Faith, but whenever he has a fantasy about her, he remembers her hands around his throat and all fantasizing ends.
...wonders if he should have talked to someone about that.
...knows that there isn't a chance in hell that he ever would.
...still has nightmares about trying to rape Buffy.
...and now, sometimes Spike's there, too, trying to hurt her.
...was pissed off at Buffy about losing his eye.
...knows that it wasn't fair of him to feel that way.
...never expected to live this long.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-17 12:22 am (UTC)I like your Xander. More than the guy onscreen, actually.
Sigh.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-17 12:24 am (UTC)And I loved the idea of this meme. I've had the thought that Xander chose that nickname to fit with Willow for ages and I'd never really had a place to say it.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-17 05:55 am (UTC)*hugs Butterfly*
(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-17 04:52 pm (UTC)And I will be able to come over tomorrow.
Re:
Date: 2003-05-17 04:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-05-19 08:20 am (UTC)Thanks for letting us peek inside your head.
Re:
Date: 2003-05-19 10:00 am (UTC)And this guy really is what I see when I look at tv!Xander. He's pretty cool.