Friendship and Growth - Buffy, Xander, and Willow

[butterfly]

This is the beginnings of a much longer essay that I haven't written yet.

I've been thinking about the Scooby scene in Chosen and how it relates to the scene at the end of the Harvest.

The most significant difference in the two scenes is the place of Xander. In the Harvest, as they walk off, he and Willow orbited Buffy, which only made sense since she was their doorway into this new world. When they leave Giles in Chosen, Xander is the centre, the anchor, which again makes sense as after seven years, they know Buffy's world and need to center their group around their link to the 'normal' world.

This made me start to think about the way the Scooby friendship developed over the years (Giles' is a whole 'nother essay on his own). In the beginning, it was Willow&Xander and Willow&Buffy, with Buffy and Xander as close but not quite as close friends (possibly due to his crush, as we know from episode 3, the Witch, that Buffy does feel close to him as a friend). Willow was the primary connection between the three friends.

Starting in S3, which is where the gang had their first major fight (Dead Man's Party), things started to shift. The group started to break apart a bit. The next year, we do see them disintegrate and then reunite. They start to do this more often, but come together more quickly. Xander and Buffy, especially, tend to blow up and then forgive each other quickly, with no apparent grudges on either side (examples of this - DMP, the Spike affair in S6). Willow, on the other hand, let things build up until they burst in Season Six, after Tara's death.

It's in Season Six that I would argue that Xander became the primary friend to both Willow and Buffy. Possibly as early as The Freshman in S4 (thanks, selenak).

And that's all I have until I rewatch the episodes. It'll happen!

A bit connected but without a place yet: Gah. I nearly die every time that I see Buffy with the picture after Xander's been hurt. She strokes her finger right across the image of his eyes.

ETA: And if you have any thoughts on the Scooby friendships, I'd love to hear them! When we share, we grow together.

Comments

[mekare-enra.livejournal.com]

*nods* Agree with everything you've said so far!

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

The changing dynamics.

[selenak.livejournal.com]

For me, the point where Xander became as close, if not closer to Buffy than Willow was The Freshman, when he anchors her with his Yoda speech. In season 4, Buffy accepts Anya much more easily than Willow does; as you say, Xander and Buffy tend to go for intermittend blow-ups and then forgiveness, whereas Willow lets things stew.

One more changing factor: in the summer between 6 and 7, and in 7, Xander was the Scoobie whom Buffy shared the sibling/parent relationship with. And obviously, there is a great change from Xander the trouble magnet who has to be protected in the early seasons to Xander the restorer of the house and, well, heart of the gang in the later ones.

Re: The changing dynamics.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I wasn't sure where to place the change and it might be during the Freshman.

I need to rewatch S4. Because you definitely have a point - Buffy's much better about Anya dating Xander than she is about Cordy.

And I definitely think that the B/X method of fighting is healthier. They get it all out and then they don't resent each other.

And yeah, the summer between Six and Seven is a big. And Buffy and Xander have a lot in common in seven including the odd relationship with a former lover. They both try dating seemingly random people who turn out to be involved in the fight (First Date). They both have a close relationship with Dawn that Willow doesn't have.

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I never really thought that Xander replaced Willow as Buffy's best friend. I would have agreed with you that a change took place during The Freshman, but I would argue that Xander became *as* close to Buffy as Willow was, but not closer. And during Season Four, Buffy clearly identifies Willow as her best friend, not Xander (though I think really they're about equal.)

During later seasons, Buffy tends to isolate herself, and Xander, who has less problems than Willow and is a better communicator than her, tends to be the one who brings Buffy out of the isolation. But I'm not sure if that means that he's closer to her than Willow; just that he and Willow have different skills.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

It's more a sense that Xander becomes the central figure in the friendship - but things like Buffy and Xander becoming a total team over the summer between six and seven and before that, because Willow is concentrating on Tara, Buffy is the primary helper at Xander's wedding.

There's more there, but I need to rewatch the episodes. I think that part of it is that Buffy and Xander have similar personalities - they connect on that level, they understand each other even when they don't, if that makes sense. Of course, that goes back as far as WSWB, when Xander understands that Buffy needs to smash the Master's bones for closure.