More lemmingness.

( First lines from my JuLa snippets )

Last burst of the lemming for tonight.

( First lines from Popgirls fanfic and unfinished works )

Hee!

Lance!In!Space has a new design. There's still nothing there, but this is interesting in light of the pictures fiasco and all. Did Lance kick the guys out of the club?

The image name for the logo is 'newlogoz'.

And I *heart* the mouse attachment.

Gratuitious Song Lyrics Post(GSLP)

Paint your roses black and blue.
Use the fuck word, I do too,
When I have nothing else to say.

You don't have to shout to be heard.
Who said dark is deep?
You'd rather flip the bird,
I'd rather show you signs of peace.
Love ain't a dying art,
As far as I can see.
Oh.
Sentimental me.

Friends...

Once upon a time, I was good at making friends. I had two good friends and many other people I liked.

Then came high school, loss of friends, depression, and loss of self-confidence.

There's a line from QAF(UK) that sticks with me: "He'd have to see [himself] as important. And he'll never manage that."

And that's what I lost. The idea that I could be wanted as a friend is still a shock to me. I don't see why people like me.

I try. But. I don't see me as interesting or fun or helpful. And I wish that I knew how.

The reason that I'm thinking about this is that I've recently had an influx of new LJ friends.

And I don't have enough time in the day to read them all. I currently read 185 journals. I have 28 people who have friended me that I just don't have the time to friend back.

And I hate that I can't give them that. Because I don't see how just being myself is enough.

*sigh*

This isn't a cry for attention or sympathy. I'm just working out some stuff and wanted to put it down in writing.

Plus, it's good to let people know what they're getting into.

ETA, okay, putting the messages back on it, 'cause it looks unfriendly without it.

But yes, a part of this is to explain why I don't seek people out. I don't feel like I have enough to offer.

B/X ness.

All that Glitters has an essay that totally speaks for why I am a B/Xer. Italics are mine.

It's about the perservence of hope through all odds. It's about believing in something when you have no logical reason to, and yet you can't let go of it. In short, we are the Xanders of the real world.

Faith is all we have right now. We don't have kisses, hugs and cooings on a daily basis, and yet we still believe. We live in the mottled shadows and in the insignificant moments of interaction between Buffy and Xander. We relish the angst and keep coming back for more.

We have to want this relationship bad enough that we can see it playing in episodes already. Some of us can--those who write mountains of detailed fic--and we choose to share it with others. And yet others can as well, but their hope dwindles because our characters are portrayed as more and more distant with each passing show. We can't let this happen. There are few enough of us as it is, and the hardcore ones are even harder to find.

Part of my faith in this relationship is my knowledge that I've made it this far--until season six--preaching to my fellow watchers about how "BX will happen as sure as the sun will rise." Why would I make such a ludicrious statement if I didn't believe that it would? Giving up my passion so easily would be ensuring world-wide darkness the next day. If you've come this far now on the notion that love is as simple as buttering a piece of bread, then maybe you don't belong as a shipper of BX; try again elsewhere.

Remember hope makes us the people that we are in reality. It lets us choose what we want, what we want to obsess about and what 'ships we're passionate about. So, if you really don't want to give up the BX ship, then don't.

And now, I sleep.

(no subject)

I like Meredith's new single. Hmm. Will consider buying Reach.

I love how much of a dork Lance is.

Dude! In group, Shannon said that she'd look to see if she could get me a job at where she works. Mega cool.