Friends...
May. 9th, 2002 02:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflyOnce upon a time, I was good at making friends. I had two good friends and many other people I liked.
Then came high school, loss of friends, depression, and loss of self-confidence.
There's a line from QAF(UK) that sticks with me: "He'd have to see [himself] as important. And he'll never manage that."
And that's what I lost. The idea that I could be wanted as a friend is still a shock to me. I don't see why people like me.
I try. But. I don't see me as interesting or fun or helpful. And I wish that I knew how.
The reason that I'm thinking about this is that I've recently had an influx of new LJ friends.
And I don't have enough time in the day to read them all. I currently read 185 journals. I have 28 people who have friended me that I just don't have the time to friend back.
And I hate that I can't give them that. Because I don't see how just being myself is enough.
*sigh*
This isn't a cry for attention or sympathy. I'm just working out some stuff and wanted to put it down in writing.
Plus, it's good to let people know what they're getting into.
ETA, okay, putting the messages back on it, 'cause it looks unfriendly without it.
But yes, a part of this is to explain why I don't seek people out. I don't feel like I have enough to offer.
Then came high school, loss of friends, depression, and loss of self-confidence.
There's a line from QAF(UK) that sticks with me: "He'd have to see [himself] as important. And he'll never manage that."
And that's what I lost. The idea that I could be wanted as a friend is still a shock to me. I don't see why people like me.
I try. But. I don't see me as interesting or fun or helpful. And I wish that I knew how.
The reason that I'm thinking about this is that I've recently had an influx of new LJ friends.
And I don't have enough time in the day to read them all. I currently read 185 journals. I have 28 people who have friended me that I just don't have the time to friend back.
And I hate that I can't give them that. Because I don't see how just being myself is enough.
*sigh*
This isn't a cry for attention or sympathy. I'm just working out some stuff and wanted to put it down in writing.
Plus, it's good to let people know what they're getting into.
ETA, okay, putting the messages back on it, 'cause it looks unfriendly without it.
But yes, a part of this is to explain why I don't seek people out. I don't feel like I have enough to offer.
