Personal Update: My mom (information sharing)

[butterfly]

So, my mom went off to another state yesterday morning for a conference. Later that day, I got a call from MP (Mom's Partner), in which he wanted to let me know that three or four months ago, my mom had a little heart attack.

This is how he started off the conversation. He back-pedaled slightly after a moment, said it wasn't really a heart attack, just intense chest pain for a minute or so (intense to the level that my mom was apparently on her hands and knees crying).

Apparently, this is the reason that my mom has stopped drinking and started working out more.

Hearing all this worries me (of course, it worries me), but I really wish that my mom could have told me. You'd think she'd know, after all this time, that I would much rather know something, even if it's scary.

He said that she told him not to call an ambulance. I told him that if it ever happened again, he had better ignore her and call one anyway. He promised that he would.

I'm not going to get a chance to see her until after Vividcon (she's picking me up from the airport). I don't know what I should say to her, or even if I should say anything at all, given that MP apparently was not supposed to inform me at all. jic has suggested that something like "if anything were wrong, I would want to know, even if you think it might worry me" might do, but I think that she would either a) guess that MP had told me something or b) say that she would of course tell me things and then go on not telling me a damn thing.

Comments

[jic]

I think you're probably right about option B. Possibly both. *hugs*

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Probably. But thank you.

*hugs*

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetie. ::hugs::

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

*hugs back*

[umbo.livejournal.com]

That's a tough one. I don't have any advice, although I'm not sure having her figure out MP told you is necessarily worse than not talking to her...

*hugs*

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Ha! I just have a deep, rather childish fear of being seen as 'tattling'. I may get around to talking to her when she picks me up from the airport next week. I really do feel so much younger around my parents than anywhere else, though, so it's hard.

Thank you.

*hugs*

[minnow1212.livejournal.com]

Hrm. Could you phrase it in a way that implies that the issue was brought up in some other way? Very casually?

I.e., "Someone I was talking to was telling me about a family situation where the parent didn’t want to scare their child and thus didn’t tell them anything…I hope you know that in that situation, I’d want to know."

Which is absolutely true, but makes it sound a bit like it’s talking about some other situation altogether? That might prevent problem A, if not circumvent problem B.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

That might work. Thanks for trying to help. I don't know, though. I have the hardest time talking to my parents about anything that's actually important. We always bonded by watching television together or playing board games. Things that didn't require talking about feelings or worries.

[fannishnonsense]

Wish I had some advice for you. Parents are always tough. *hug*

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thanks. And they really are very tough. It's hard not to feel like a kid around them.

*hugs back*

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

Yikes. Very worrisome. I hope things are going okay. She should have told you. I guess, at least he did. I don't know your family dynamics enough to advise you on how to talk to her, but I guess you just have to find a way to let her know you want to share.

And she should, one because she's your mom, and you want to know. And also, because sometimes heart problems are genetic/inherited and it might be a reminder for you to take care of yourself.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

That last point is a very good one that I hadn't thought of at all. I actually do have a personal stake in the issue apart from the 'worrying horribly about my mom' angle.

Thank you.

[dine.livejournal.com]

ack! no wonder you're stressed; that's not great news, and the potential for serious stuff not being shared is scary. I've no advice, but hope you can figure out a way to bring up the subject with your mom soon; just so she knows that you'd want to know (even if she might still choose not to share)

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm thinking that I'll try to talk to her when she picks me up from the airport next week. After all, I'll be riding off of the high of Vividcon, which might give me some bravery.