Memory Loss
Jun. 4th, 2003 01:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflyMore post-Home drabbles, as Angel tries to relate. The first set is here.
Empty Spaces
The second worst part is that Wes doesn't understand.
It's frustrating that after all they went through, Wesley understands none of it.
Without Connor, nothing that's happened recently makes sense.
Yet, they all go on, and they don't even see the hole in their lives.
His fault, yeah, and damn Lilah for her 'conditions' anyway because...
He'll mention something, only to find that Connor was enough entangled in the memory that he gets nothing but blank looks in return.
He's seen so many expressions on Wesley's face, but the blankness is just... fundamentally wrong.
Because Wesley is supposed to understand.
Center
He goes to visit her sometimes.
Her room is bright and airy. It reminds him of who she used to be.
He never touches her.
It would be wrong to blame Cordelia for anything that happened.
He doesn't.
But touching her would be close to acceptance.
He does talk to her.
Nothing that Wolfram and Hart would be interested in.
Little things, from before she took a demon into her.
So, he visits her, but less often, and for a shorter amount of time each visit.
He should visit more.
But he looks at her and only sees his son.
Incidental
He doesn't spend a lot of time with Fred, Gunn, or Lorne any more.
Gunn and Lorne are so involved in their... whatever they do.
Fred... wants it too much. A second in her presence and he can feel her getting ready to try to talk herself out of Wolfram and Hart.
That's not going to happen, but he'd never be able to explain it to her.
Hey, Fred, we can't leave the evil law firm because that's one of the conditions of keeping my son happy. Yes, I know you don't remember my son.
Yeah, that'd go over well.
Soft and Sharp
He thinks about fucking Lilah sometimes.
Just holding her down, keeping her silent, making her weak, hearing her gasp and pant.
Figuring out the appeal that she had had for Wesley.
Usually, he thinks about it after she's made one of her 'clever' and 'subtle' remarks about Connor.
Shutting up Lilah is a deeply personal and much loved fantasy. He's imagined it so many different ways.
He has all the details worked out.
She's sensitive about the head, always so worried that it'll fall off.
That's found a place in some of his dreams.
She's even more sensitive about Wes.
Empty Spaces
The second worst part is that Wes doesn't understand.
It's frustrating that after all they went through, Wesley understands none of it.
Without Connor, nothing that's happened recently makes sense.
Yet, they all go on, and they don't even see the hole in their lives.
His fault, yeah, and damn Lilah for her 'conditions' anyway because...
He'll mention something, only to find that Connor was enough entangled in the memory that he gets nothing but blank looks in return.
He's seen so many expressions on Wesley's face, but the blankness is just... fundamentally wrong.
Because Wesley is supposed to understand.
Center
He goes to visit her sometimes.
Her room is bright and airy. It reminds him of who she used to be.
He never touches her.
It would be wrong to blame Cordelia for anything that happened.
He doesn't.
But touching her would be close to acceptance.
He does talk to her.
Nothing that Wolfram and Hart would be interested in.
Little things, from before she took a demon into her.
So, he visits her, but less often, and for a shorter amount of time each visit.
He should visit more.
But he looks at her and only sees his son.
Incidental
He doesn't spend a lot of time with Fred, Gunn, or Lorne any more.
Gunn and Lorne are so involved in their... whatever they do.
Fred... wants it too much. A second in her presence and he can feel her getting ready to try to talk herself out of Wolfram and Hart.
That's not going to happen, but he'd never be able to explain it to her.
Hey, Fred, we can't leave the evil law firm because that's one of the conditions of keeping my son happy. Yes, I know you don't remember my son.
Yeah, that'd go over well.
Soft and Sharp
He thinks about fucking Lilah sometimes.
Just holding her down, keeping her silent, making her weak, hearing her gasp and pant.
Figuring out the appeal that she had had for Wesley.
Usually, he thinks about it after she's made one of her 'clever' and 'subtle' remarks about Connor.
Shutting up Lilah is a deeply personal and much loved fantasy. He's imagined it so many different ways.
He has all the details worked out.
She's sensitive about the head, always so worried that it'll fall off.
That's found a place in some of his dreams.
She's even more sensitive about Wes.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-06-05 03:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-06-05 04:40 am (UTC)And dude, I love your Cordelia icon. So amusing.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-06-05 08:44 am (UTC)crreakk...
That's the sound of me breaking into a million tiny pieces. I Love these. Thanks so much for helping to ease the hiatus.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-06-05 09:32 am (UTC)I'm glad that they help. And it's nice to hear that you've made someone crack into bitty pieces.
I hadn't had any intention of writing these. But then Angel invaded my brain. He refuses to leave. And he's too pretty to kick out.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-06-12 07:08 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2003-06-12 07:58 pm (UTC)And yeah, can't waste that interesting hostile tension between A&L.