Today was not a good day.

[butterfly]

I'm going to try to get back on track tomorrow. Answer comments, finish a project for a friend.

Today, though, wasn't a good day.

I have a little scratch on my shoulder. Looks like a cat did it.

It started with an accident. I accidentally cut my finger. Got a bandage from the manager and then didn't stop thinking about it.

So I took a box cutter and scratched a line across my shoulder. Then I thought about cutting the rest of the day. I'm thinking about it now. It's kinda funny that the accidental cut bled more than the intentional one.

I've just been feeling so restless and crazy and lost today.

I am so scared. I have classes next week. I want this to work so badly and I am so terrified that I'll fail again.

I've been saying these silly, crazy things to keep myself from crying -- "Don't think. Don't breathe. Don't think, don't breathe, you won't bleed." Low, so that no one would hear me, but I have been saying them out loud. Then when I got out to my car, I cried for about ten minutes before I could start the car.

No one at work seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary. Which is good. It is.

It's a good thing.

Comments

[therisingmoon.livejournal.com]

[hugs]

[soundingsea.livejournal.com]

You don't know me, really, but I read your posts and mostly just think you're brilliant. I'm sorry to hear about your day, and I wanted you to know I'm listening.

[rocalisa.livejournal.com]

Hugs.

I don't know what else to say, but wanted to say something.

[theamyrlin.livejournal.com]

[Hugs] You need to hang in there. [Hugs again]

[viciouswishes.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I know that it's silly to say don't worry about school because you're going to it any way, but if your posts about Angel are any indication of your great articulation in writing and ability to interpret beyond the surface, I'm sure that you're going to do great.

[livinglaurel.livejournal.com]

Aw, shoot, sweetie....((HUGS)) It's a good thing you wrote about it. It might not help to say you are a gifted person with a good soul who's a terrific writer, but I'll say it anyway.

I'm really sorry.

moi

[inyron.livejournal.com]

*big hugs*

I wish you all the best, you know., In dealing with this, and with school. *more hugs*

[ruedifference.livejournal.com]

*hugs tight*

[wesleysgirl.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*

[taelonmahal.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[mekare-enra.livejournal.com]

I second that...*hugs*

[twistdbutterfly.livejournal.com]

I third that and am sending you bunches of feel better vibes- but in a non-invasive way.

[casapazzo.livejournal.com]

Everyone's allowed off (bad, restless, cranky, twitchy, listless, manic) days. You're OK.
*hugs you*

[aurianrose.livejournal.com]

*big hugs*

[tistur.livejournal.com]

People don't want to know. This is the conclusion I have come to.

I'll second the comments above, and send feel better vibes.

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight*

If you want to talk, I'm always here, okay?

*snuggles*

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

I've just been feeling so restless and crazy and lost today.

That's how I've felt most of the year. Remember you're not alone, okay? I'll be here to listen to you.

*hugs*

[thawrecka]

Oh, baby, I know how easy it is to get into that habit. It's difficult and painful and I know you're strong enough to get past this. You just have the right vibe.

[jic]

*hugs*

When life is big and scary and out of control, it kind of helps to be absolutely in charge of something -- like cutting.

You can do it, honey. It's hard, and it takes balance, but you can do it. *hugs* You are loved, and you are not alone.

you are doing great

[bhadrasvapna.livejournal.com]

It's just a set back, you're still doing fine. There are lots of good things in what you said. You didn't make the cut that deep and even though you thought about it obsessively, you took real control and didn't act on them more than a tiny slip.

You are doing great and I am very proud of you. It might not feel like a good day and any day we cry like that feels like a horrible one, but you actually showed a lot of courage and strength.

You won't fail again. You are going to put one brain cell in front of the other and let people see the warm, wise, witty poster that I am glad decorates my friend page.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

That's a pretty icon.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I was... hesitant about posting about this. In the end, I'm glad I did. First of all, posting about it did make me feel better, just on its own. And then, hearing from y'all... it really helps.

Thank you.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Thank you.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the vibes. I think that they helped. I did feel a lot better today.

Thank you.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Thanks. It does help. A lot.