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Apr. 24th, 2004 02:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflyI'm a mess of contradictions. We all are -- it's a result of living in the world we've created. We (western society, for the most part -- almost all agricultural or industrial societies) live in a culture that attempts to go against the rules of the world.
We're failing. More people, more pollution, more war, more hate, more fear. And we just keep on pumping more energy into the old machine, just keeping trying to keep the system going, make the system better.
As a genre, I dislike reality tv. I dislike what it says about people's priorities. I dislike fame for the sake of fame. Everyone is so desperate to be noticed, to matter, that they will go to any lengths to have people talk about them. It's not new -- we've had talk shows for years. Throwing your dirty laundry on stage so that someone else will see the stains, will see that you exist.
In general, the citizens of this particular country are miserable. So many people work jobs they hate for money that isn't worth it and they can't see a way out. People bury themselves in alcohol, drugs, pain, sex, in anything that takes them out of their lives for a few moments.
Self-medicating against depression and anger and lack of hope.
So many people are Angel. Trapped in a hell that they don't know how to get out of. Are Lindsey, trapped in routine and walls, getting their hearts ripped out every day. People who always come home dirty.
Joss Whedon speaks to the disenfranchised, to the unempowered. To the huddled masses yearning...
For something real. For happiness, for acceptance, for love, for equality, for choice.
Yearning to be free from fear and doubt.
The system only does that for a select few, and even then, it's a precarious freedom, if you care at all about status or money or security.
Sometimes, it seems like the only way to get ahead is to work the system.
But that only gets you further into the system. Further into accepting the world the way it is.
And heroes don't do that. And if Buffy taught me anything, it's that any of us can be heroes.
We're failing. More people, more pollution, more war, more hate, more fear. And we just keep on pumping more energy into the old machine, just keeping trying to keep the system going, make the system better.
As a genre, I dislike reality tv. I dislike what it says about people's priorities. I dislike fame for the sake of fame. Everyone is so desperate to be noticed, to matter, that they will go to any lengths to have people talk about them. It's not new -- we've had talk shows for years. Throwing your dirty laundry on stage so that someone else will see the stains, will see that you exist.
In general, the citizens of this particular country are miserable. So many people work jobs they hate for money that isn't worth it and they can't see a way out. People bury themselves in alcohol, drugs, pain, sex, in anything that takes them out of their lives for a few moments.
Self-medicating against depression and anger and lack of hope.
So many people are Angel. Trapped in a hell that they don't know how to get out of. Are Lindsey, trapped in routine and walls, getting their hearts ripped out every day. People who always come home dirty.
Joss Whedon speaks to the disenfranchised, to the unempowered. To the huddled masses yearning...
For something real. For happiness, for acceptance, for love, for equality, for choice.
Yearning to be free from fear and doubt.
The system only does that for a select few, and even then, it's a precarious freedom, if you care at all about status or money or security.
Sometimes, it seems like the only way to get ahead is to work the system.
But that only gets you further into the system. Further into accepting the world the way it is.
And heroes don't do that. And if Buffy taught me anything, it's that any of us can be heroes.
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Part Three:
Date: 2004-04-27 01:43 am (UTC)Beating and destroying the system isn't enough. You have to build a new system. A better system. And then blow that up and build a better one still. Because the people matter, even if they watch "Fear Factor".
The people matter. Life matters. Life is, to me, the only thing that matters. Things are just things until they spark life. Ideas are just ideas until given life. Life is what matters -- and life is change and growth and death and birth.
It's all about engaging the world, yes, but you can't engage the world until you can believe that there's a valid reason for doing so. That's what Buffy and the others needed to build. That's what I'm working on building.
But again. I went to public school. My mom teaches public schools. My dad is a defense contractor. Every job I've held, save at a Pizza joint, has been funded directly or indirectly by the public tax dollar. I'm a product of the system. I work for "The Man". I'm not mindlessly happy. I'm actively engaged in my community.
I went to public school for most of my life (save one and a half years at a private Lutheran school). Both my parents work for the local public transportion system (Tri-Met) -- my dad drives a bus and my mom is the librarian and webmaster. We're all products of the system. I'm in the system now, simply by holding down a job, paying bills and taxes, and voting.
But I'm not particularly engaged in my community, if that's defined by the place that I live in. I'm engaged in various mental and emotional communities, communities of choice.
I'm not engaged because I don't feel as though I belong and I don't particularly want to. I don't plan on living here forever. I want to live somewhere colder, where I have a greater chance of encountering snow. This is not my home, though I live here. Because I have no plans on staying, I've made no particular attempt to settle in. I live in a constant state of chaos, always aware of the possibility of change -- which will be happening very soon, as my roommate is leaving for DC in a month and I'll need to either find a new roommate or move by then.
So, I engage in communities that I plan to stay in, which is mostly fandom, right now. Fandom and family.
The "System" does a heck of a lot of good. And it would do even better if more "good" people engaged it. I certainly felt that way when I spent nine months beating my feet through my Congressional district on the Van Hollen campaign. We're all individuals, but we're a small part of a much larger organism called "humanity". And humanity works if we make ourselves work, and if we become a part of it.
And we're all part of a larger organism called 'life'. Humanity isn't the same as the system. Much of humanity is using this particular system, but that doesn't mean that it's the only system. I do know that I don't really want to engage it, because I don't agree with it, but I will do so in an attempt to live with it and change it. Honestly? I wouldn't mind burning it to the ground and starting over. But I can't. I have to take what I have now and use it to get to where I need to go.
The world's a mess. But we build upon each other. We create legacies. We carve out spaces for each other. I have faith in humanity. And I do believe we can work. We just have to work at it.
Like I said earlier, I'm young yet and still figuring out who I am and what I believe. I do know that I believe in a better world. We have to be willing to fight for it. That's what heroes do, fight towards a better future. And I don't mean literal fighting, I mean standing up and saying, "Yeah, it sucks. Let's make it better." I mean never being satisfied with the way the world is, always working for the better, because there always is one. I mean, I suppose, living every day as a radical.
It's about never accepting 'good enough'.