Daniel (SG-1) and Willow (BtVS) -- Also, saw King Arthur

[butterfly]

In a seventh season episode, Daniel Jackson says something about finally feeling like he belongs. The exact words or placement of this sentiment isn't relevent, since I'm just using the information as an example. Seven years, more than one death, countless missions, and until that moment, Daniel didn't feel like he belonged. I understand that. I think that Daniel is my favorite character because I feel like I can understand him so well. Daniel Jackson makes more emotional sense to me than the rest of SG-1. His failings are ones that I share.

Interestingly enough, he actually reminds me of Willow (BtVS). I wasn't ever Willow's biggest fan, but the two characters have a lot in common. There's the most obvious thing -- they're both intellectually arrogant at times. They both contain within them not only the kind of focus that could destroy/own the world but the ability to do so if they did want to. Both of them can identify strongly with people/creatures that other people have a hard time connecting to. But there are areas of sharp division, and those are, I believe, part of why I'm such a fan of Daniel and not of Willow.

Daniel Jackson doesn't worry about how other people perceive him (which doesn't, of course, mean that he doesn't care about other opinions, just that they need to be the opinions of people who matter). Willow worries about this constantly. She lives in fear of shame. She wants to be thought of as 'the good guy' and the right one. Daniel Jackson faced not just rejection by his peers, but their ridicule, and he stood strong. It's that guilt/shame divide again, I think. Daniel carries much guilt with him, but little shame, while Willow is much the opposite (until, perhaps, season seven, which is when I started liking her on her own merits).

I can admire Daniel Jackson in a way that I couldn't ever admire Willow because Daniel achieved what I've never felt capable of. Daniel may not have felt like he belonged, but he still felt that he had the right to his opinions and his choices, without looking to other people as to his moral failures and successes.

I'm like Willow, full of shame and fear. I want to be like Daniel, who has motivating guilt instead of paralyzing shame. Daniel, who doesn't let other people shame him, but doesn't shirk what he is responsible for, either.


Was anyone else slashing Galahad and Gawain? Or was that just me? I mean, they're pretty much the only knights who don't get love interests. And when Gawain says that he's going (with Arthur), he says that Galahad's going, too. And they're both still alive at the end of the movie, which is always nice, and all standing next to each other.

They're totally having sex, is all I'm saying.

And I care not if Guinevere is anything like legend or possible reality. Because she's cool and hot and I really like her. I adored her, really. Especially her bluntness. "Don't worry, I won't let them rape you." (heh, I'm so amused that they changed that line for the previews)

Comments

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

You are way too young to be suffering from paralysing shame - you haven't had time to do THAT much bad stuff, and I don't believe you would anyway.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I don't have to have done bad stuff so much as believe I have. It's hard to fight a feeling.

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

Is this some kind of religion-induced thing?
I have a few Roman Catholic or ex-RC friends who seem to be continually apologising for things they don't need to, and feeling that they are failing against some absolute standard...

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Not religion per se. Possibly prompted by some of my religious background... possibly (which is Lutheran, btw).

It's not an absolute standard that I fail myself against, but my own. I hold myself to much higher standards than I do the rest of the world and I routinely fail. Then I feel bad about failing. It's symptomatic of clinical depression, which I do have.

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

Sorry to pry, but are you taking anything for it?
Fellow LJer thebratqueen (can't do the shortcut - sorry) has written couple of pieces on depression and medication that you may find either useful or offensive! (in her sidebar titled Mental Illness 1 and 2).

[celestialfray.livejournal.com]

Not just you. My friend and I immediately turned to each other when Gawain spoke for Galahad. We were like, OMG, they are so a couple.


Did you also notice a look they shared during the wedding scene at the end of the movie? Sometimes these things just jump right into text.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Not just you. My friend and I immediately turned to each other when Gawain spoke for Galahad. We were like, OMG, they are so a couple.

Yay! So glad someone else noticed!

Did you also notice a look they shared during the wedding scene at the end of the movie? Sometimes these things just jump right into text.

Totally. Arthur has Guin, Bors has his bastards, and Gawain and Galahad have each other.

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Hi there,

Was friendsfriends surfing and found you *waves*

I don't know if you even care about X-Files so maybe you'll find this totally irrelevant, but it's also something I admired in Fox Mulder's character. I loved how he never cared about other's perception of him and how he did what he did because he thought he was right and it was worth it.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Hey!

*waves*

I've pretty much only seen the movie (and Mulder was neat in it). I'm thought about seeing it over the years, but I need another fandom like I need a hole in the head.

One day, I'll probably give it and check it out on dvd, though. My willpower is, like, less than zero when it comes to pretty and interesting characters.

[castalie.livejournal.com]

Well, I have to say trying this show would be a good idea, but then I was a fan so I may be biased lol XF is also one of my main fandoms, so here again biased opinion going on - I'll shut up now *g*

My willpower is, like, less than zero when it comes to pretty and interesting characters.

Join the club!

[sinister-beauty.livejournal.com]

That movie was the slashiest movie I have ever seen.

Not only are Gawain and Galahad having sex, but without a doubt, Arthur and Lancelot are hitting it. And please, I don't care if he has a chick, Dagonet and Bors are also hitting it quite often. The only knight without a slash partner is Tristan. Which is okay, because he's mine.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there was a lot of m/m sex happening just off-screen in KA.

How to belong in a world that sucks beyond the telling of it

[bhadrasvapna.livejournal.com]

That's what Buffy was about. That's what Angel is about. Not sure about Firefly, since I haven't seen it yet. (I'm getting around to it. I didn't want to fall in love with it and then have it canceled, like so many other great shows).

If you don't belong, where does the fault lie? With the world or with you? Buffy did feel like she belonged. Then through no fault of her own, she didn't. She had to find a way to belong. Same can be said of Angel. Thing is, did either of them ever really belong? Were either of them ever really convinced that they did? Angel can tell his father that he has plenty of places to sleep, but he really just wants his father's love. He has it, even if he doesn't realize he does. They are beautiful stories.

Willow didn't have anyone to tell her she was okay. She had lots of people telling her she wasn't. The world says it's good to be smart, but it sure doesn't act like it. It treats you like crap. When the universe itself seems to be against you, it's hard to think you are okay.

I'm more like Daniel. The fault isn't with me. It's with the universe. I should be able to say what I want. I'm trying to find some sort of balance. I want to live in the world the way it should be to show it what it can be, but I keep getting hurt. I need to find some balance between what it wants me to be and what I am.

Then I need to teach this to my daughters.

To me, Willow's problem is that she bought into the idea of what she should be and that isn't what she is. The problem then became her, rather than the idea of what she should be. I don't live up to society's ideas, but I think I'm a better person than what society says I should be. Society sucks because people become these images rather than the amazing people they are. That's the problem. That's why the world sucks beyond the telling of it.

And I'm not going to contribute to that.

Re: How to belong in a world that sucks beyond the telling of it

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

That's what Buffy was about. That's what Angel is about. Not sure about Firefly, since I haven't seen it yet.

It's definitely what Firefly is about. Very much.

Thing is, did either of them ever really belong? Were either of them ever really convinced that they did?

What I like about Buffy is that in the end, she decided that she didn't have to belong. She could create a world where she did belong. And Angel goes out fighting, which is the only way that he knows how to belong to the world of brave, complicated, fragile humanity.

Willow didn't have anyone to tell her she was okay.

Because Xander is a kumquat. I know, you mean adult people, but still, she did have someone who loved her absolutely. He was utterly and completely supportive of her, even when she was, you know, in the process of destroying the world.

But yeah, I agree. The fault is with society. It's just so damn hard to get past society's brainwashing.