Buffy, 'Real Life', etc.
Oct. 23rd, 2004 07:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflyI don't actually read Buffy fic anymore (Occasionally, I'll read a piece that gets a really, really good rec). The only Angel fic that I'm reading is the 'showtime' virtual season. Despite this, I don't consider myself 'out of fandom', because I haven't stopped adoring the characters and stories. If anything, I love them more, my joy in the series overriding any desire to explore other options because I consider this time almost... sacred, a time set aside to think and dream. Part of me wonders if that has anything to do with Firefly's planned Big Damn Movie, but I'm not sure. It's almost a mourning period and yet it isn't.
It's like my website -- no matter how long it's been since I've updated it, I don't stop thinking of it as active, because I've no plans to shut my heart on those fandoms.
Again, never say never, but even when I've felt burned in a fandom, it doesn't stop my personal interest, though it may slow my artist impluses (and writing is both art and craft, abstract and detailed).
I just love my girl. My first hand-picked show that I watched whatever my family said, despite the fact that, at first, I knew no one else who liked it. My show, my irrationally possessive mind whispers. My girl got her happy ending, got the chance to live happy and free from her burden. And I have no doubt that, should the world require her, she would be there, but (and I think this is what we see in the series), I get the feeling that Giles wants her to have this chance as much as anyone (okay, I get this feeling from his song wherein he says "wish I could lay your arms down and let you rest at last") and thus, he would not have been calling her about what Angel said. Especially since Angel was being kinda prick-y on the phone ("tell [Willow] to haul her astral to LA"? -- Giles is not going to respond well to that, which Angel should know).
I love many characters, but my love for Buffy feels like... it's like the way I love my brother, wherein I could disagree with everything he says (and sometimes I do), but I ache for him when the world doesn't go the way he thinks it will and I love him so much that it baffles me at times. Because I do disagree with him and some of those are issues that would make it difficult for me to be friends with someone, but he's my brother and I love him and sometimes life is that simple. And I just want him to be happy in his life, though I've been known to tease him half to death over some of his choices. I get distracted and never show it, but he knows, the same way that I know he loves me (he once compared us to Boromir and Faramir, because of a position that dad put us in re: showing off Kris' talents, and I almost died from geeky joy -- I love that my brother and I are both geeks, though I am not surprised, as it runs in the family). Familial love confuses me a little, because it's a love that comes before reason. My dad can make me cry and I hate how he's living his life and if I knew him as a regular person, I wouldn't bother knowing him. But I love him, because he's my dad.
I have absolutely no idea what happened with this post. It just kept going in an odd direction. I disclaim responsibility.
It's like my website -- no matter how long it's been since I've updated it, I don't stop thinking of it as active, because I've no plans to shut my heart on those fandoms.
Again, never say never, but even when I've felt burned in a fandom, it doesn't stop my personal interest, though it may slow my artist impluses (and writing is both art and craft, abstract and detailed).
I just love my girl. My first hand-picked show that I watched whatever my family said, despite the fact that, at first, I knew no one else who liked it. My show, my irrationally possessive mind whispers. My girl got her happy ending, got the chance to live happy and free from her burden. And I have no doubt that, should the world require her, she would be there, but (and I think this is what we see in the series), I get the feeling that Giles wants her to have this chance as much as anyone (okay, I get this feeling from his song wherein he says "wish I could lay your arms down and let you rest at last") and thus, he would not have been calling her about what Angel said. Especially since Angel was being kinda prick-y on the phone ("tell [Willow] to haul her astral to LA"? -- Giles is not going to respond well to that, which Angel should know).
I love many characters, but my love for Buffy feels like... it's like the way I love my brother, wherein I could disagree with everything he says (and sometimes I do), but I ache for him when the world doesn't go the way he thinks it will and I love him so much that it baffles me at times. Because I do disagree with him and some of those are issues that would make it difficult for me to be friends with someone, but he's my brother and I love him and sometimes life is that simple. And I just want him to be happy in his life, though I've been known to tease him half to death over some of his choices. I get distracted and never show it, but he knows, the same way that I know he loves me (he once compared us to Boromir and Faramir, because of a position that dad put us in re: showing off Kris' talents, and I almost died from geeky joy -- I love that my brother and I are both geeks, though I am not surprised, as it runs in the family). Familial love confuses me a little, because it's a love that comes before reason. My dad can make me cry and I hate how he's living his life and if I knew him as a regular person, I wouldn't bother knowing him. But I love him, because he's my dad.
I have absolutely no idea what happened with this post. It just kept going in an odd direction. I disclaim responsibility.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-10-23 03:29 pm (UTC)my brother and i have a bit of the Boromir/Faramir thing too...
(no subject)
Date: 2004-10-25 05:19 pm (UTC)The whole sibling situation is never fully equal. That's what I've decided.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-10-26 04:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-10-27 08:32 am (UTC)I thought it was beautiful
Date: 2004-10-23 08:14 pm (UTC)Then again, I think my friends count as my new fandom. I write stories about/for them. I design icons to show my love. I'm not going to write essays analyzing them. I don't think they'd appreciate it, though it would make a lovely parody...mmmmm... which of my friends has the sense of humor for me to pull that off? No, no, no...must get back to the Mal Contents. Though I do have several stories I was working on before I even started the Mal Contents...this could work out well.
Back to what I was saying. I love it when you express this pure side of you. I like your other sides also, but when I read this stuff, it's like the monitor was shot through a filter so that everything is that wonderful soft light that William Shatner was so fond of.
I think there is a feeling of anticipation about Serenity coming out. There is special part of our hearts that nothing is allowed to fill up or even touch, so we guard it. That belongs to what we know is coming. Only something Joss does can get anywhere near those other special space in our hearts dedicated to his other projects. At the center is Buffy. Surrounding Buffy is Angel. Then there is a moat. All the other fandoms have to exist on the other side of the moat. They can't swim. There are alligators in the moat that will bite their feet off.
Re: I thought it was beautiful
Date: 2004-10-25 05:22 pm (UTC)And yeah, I agree. Buffy fits into a place in my heart that's well-guarded -- the way that Buffy herself treats Dawn, as something infinitely precious yet also so very strong. Angel prowls along the inside of the moat, always on alert. Firefly hovers above, zipping off now and then to avoid the Alliance.