Make-up and other stereotypical girly things

I'd like to thank asilvahalo for bringing this up in her journal and making me think about it.

I like to wear make-up sometimes. I like to wear nail polish sometimes. But I when I don't wear them it's not because I'm fucking lazy, it's because I didn't feel like wearing it.

My mom notices when I don't wear make-up and always tells me to put some on. "Look like you're making an effort."

Why isn't my face good enough? Yeah, I like wearing make-up sometimes, but I hate the assumption that I'm not good enough on my own.

My mom's also sorta pressuring me to lose weight.

Aside from one notable event in my freshman year of high school, no one outside of my family has ever insulted me because of my weight. They called me a bookworm on occasion, which I didn't mind because, well, I totally was.

My main problem has always been fear that I'm not good enough. Mom tells me that I am and then tells me that I'm not by telling me that I need to wear makeup and lose weight.

I'm sure that she has no clue that that's what she's doing. She just wants me to be pretty ie stereotypically good-looking. Bah.

When I wear makeup, it's mostly because I think that that it's kinda cute and funny. Which it is. Ditto with nail polish, which is still a bit of a mystery to me.

I'm in the mood to talk.

I wonder if I'll gain or lose friends because of it. Who knows? Life is an adventure, damnit.

I've never gotten the whole 'hating SO' thing. It seems to be a bit... delusional. I mean, I dislike Britney, but it's all personal and has nothing to do with the whole 'dating Justin' thing. But yeah, it seems like if you dislike them even though you've just learned their names, that there's a part of you that believes that you were going to meet said star and fall madly in love.

Which is, as I said, a bit delusional. Nothing wrong with fantizing about it, of course. I probably couldn't count the number of times that I've daydreamed about having sex with Lance or Justin or Lance and Justin. But to take it to the level of actually disliking a real person that you don't know... that's kinda scary, really.

Maybe it's different for me because of many of my celeb crushes have been attached. I mean, both Jude and Ewan are married. Nick was already dating his future wife when I started crushing on him. Sarah Michelle is engaged, I believe.

I love her. I mean, I started crushing on her when she weighed a bit more and had those adorable chipmunk cheeks, but I don't stop loving someone because of how they look. I wish that she would eat more and I worry about her, but I still think that she's beautiful.

But if someone's married, or gay(or straight, if they're girls), it never makes a difference in how much I love them. Because I wouldn't have a chance with them even if they were single and liked my gender. I'm going out on a limb and saying that most stars wouldn't want to date big fans. And if they did, that's a little messed-up, really. You shouldn't date people who are predisposed to have a blind spot toward your faults.

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Happy birthday, Cranky Girl!

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The Britney thread at FT is starting to get way personal. *hiss* *scratch* If you know what I mean.

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Why she is being adorable? She's doing this on purpose.

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I was bored, so I put some makeup on Lance.

Buffy talk

At TWoP I wrote this:

I think that they're serving a very important part of the theme for this season, which to me seems to be that Real Life can be just as dangerous and scary as Monsters. And really, I think that they need to go there. I think that the pulling away of the metaphors is a deliberate and necessary step.

And Warren scares me more than even Angelus, Spike or the Mayor. I really do have to applaud Adam Busch's acting. And the rest of the gang are just as effective at showing the range of emotional response to this kind of act.

And I thought that I would expand on my ideas here.

Now, I say that my view of the theme thus far is that 'Real life is just as dangerous as anything you can imagine.' What does that mean to me?

Every scary creature that has ever been imagined was thought up by human minds. Every torture and evil act that's occurred on this planet has happened at the hands of humans. Vampires are a human creation. Orcs and goblins are a human creation.

Humans created the Rack, the Iron Maiden, quartering, and do I have to go on?

Everything that hurts the planet, animals, or people was invented by us.

On Buffy, there have been explorations of human guilt. The furthest that they've gone before this was with Faith, who eventually repented.

Now, we have the exploration of three different reactions to attempted rape and murder. A cold, almost sociopathic and soulless response from Warren. Andrew, who starts out miserable and ends up thinking that murder is cool and thus is the Faith counterpart. And Jonathan. Jonathan who wants out and is scared of both Warren and Buffy. Damned if he does and damned if he doesn't.

It's fascinating because they started out as comic relief.

And many killers are the quiet ones who never come up on your radar. Or the ones who were teased and taunted.

And Warren terrifies me. Angelus was soulless, as was Spike. The Mayor didn't do any killing of his own until he turned and even before that, he wouldn't have hurt Faith, because he cared for her. Whereas Warren wanted Katrina. Wanted her so much that it didn't matter whether or not she wanted him back. And there was a great deal of vindicative joy in how he treated her when she was under. He was furious that she left him. And he wanted to make sure that she would never leave again.

And he did.

And they're human and they're terrifying.

Eeep.

Okay. The pictures. At the official site. It labels 'the Players', like Buffy is the Slayer and Willow is the Witch.

Xander is the Loyal.

Eeep.

*dies of happiness*

Website...

Added a main BtVS page, which has my thoughts on the LoD.

It features this graphic: