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butterflySo, I'm thinking that it may not be such a good idea to have these 'Sci-fi Fridays'. All the pretty people, my brains just turn to mush and I have to rewatch the episodes in order to have any complete thoughts.
Actually, that's not really so much of a minus, is it?
Stargate Atlantis 1x14 -- Sanctuary
I really wonder how non-slash fans justified Rodney's behavior in this one. Because if you don't read it as jealousy, it doesn't make anywhere near as much sense. While Rodney is skeptical about the people of the planet, he doesn't get bitchy about it until after John and Chaya have connected.
Honestly, I've nothing that other people haven't already said -- not the best episode, but wow, slashy as hell where McKay was concerned.
Stargate SG-1 8x14 -- Full Alert
Why is everyone so shocked that Jack takes a gun to the store? Jack is a general in the Air Force and the head of a top secret base. Of course, he takes a gun with him wherever he goes. He's always at risk.
Plus, good god, that was a hot moment. I couldn't tell if he had a holster or just keeps the gun tucked in his pants. Either way? Fucking hot.
*fans self*
And I loved the way he dealt with the Kinsey situation. Actually, I loved him in this entire episode. He was very good and general-ish. Of course, none of his kids were in any real danger for any length of time, so his complete and utter compromisedness when they're involved didn't come into play (because Jack knew that Daniel had the device and was never in trouble -- he could always beam out).
Loved Daniel throughout the episode. He was beautiful beyond belief, got to speak Russian, and yet again got to have a story with a female character who wasn't annoying. That's three (Leda, Vala, and now Daria) this season, plus at least two who have the potential to be annoying when Daniel isn't around (Elizabeth and Krista).
Michael Shanks -- mitigating the horrible writing of women on SG-1 whenever he's in the room. He's one of those great actors that seems to be able to make everyone that acts with him a little more interesting and charismatic.
Sam was really good in this episode, too. And I liked her hair. There may have been a twinge of attraction.
Teal'c should just carry a sign that says, "eye candy", because that's how he's being treated.
Plot-wise, I had fun. Didn't mind the abrupt ending because... well, I've gotten used to it in Stargate. I'm more surprised when they actually have a denouement.
And on a completely different subject, a lot of people are talking about death recently.
My mom already knows that I'd want any useful parts donated for organ replacement and then I want to be cremated. I don't want an empty body lying around, taking up space and rotting underground. Plus, incurring the expense of a coffin and a burial is just silly. I hardly need to be spending people's money after I've fled the flesh. I won't be there, I'll be off, to whatever's next.
I've actually given some thought to writing up a list, for music and such. Possibly I should write out a 'who to contact' list as well, so that y'all would know, in the event. And something to be read. Not D.I.S.C.O., definitely.
Speaking more generally, I don't have any particular fear of death (I have some specific fears -- I don't want to die in a car accident or by something like falling down a flight of stairs).
Everyone dies alone. It's the one journey that we take on our own. We live among others, but we die alone.
When I was deeply depressed, I would come up with these elaborate suicide plans, but I could never believe that, well, that the funeral could ever be what I wanted. Because I was so miserable, I didn't think that people would realize, post-my death, that they'd miss me. As a suicidal person I was selfish, yes, because I are in so much pain that I couldn't see that anyone would really care if I died.
In fact, that's why I didn't kill myself. Because if I died, there would be no one to make certain that I wasn't being forgotten. And I do hate being ignored. My very lack of confidence in my ability to make an impression helped to keep me from trying to off myself, which I find incredibly amusing, in retrospect.
It's been a long, hard battle to like myself, which I can honestly say that I do now, much of the time. I like my writing, which is something that I find amazing, because I used to always feel like I'd failed at it. I'm willing to entertain the idea that I'm smart (because people do keep telling me that I am, eventually, it does sink in a bit).
I still doubt, I still cut, but I can begin to see why people might enjoy having me around. I can make people laugh, and I can make people think. Both of those are good qualities, qualities that I always admired about other people, but found it hard to see in myself.
So, for me, personally, I'm glad that I never did kill myself. Though I know that I would have been welcomed with love, I'm glad that I stuck around to where I wasn't sure of things. Much better to go home in happiness and serenity than in grief and fear.
I do not fear death. After all, even if I'm completely wrong, and there's nothing, well, I'll never know that I was wrong, will I? And I have had made a bit of an impression. On some people. Should I die, my memory would live on for a time. Ripples.
But I've also no plans to chase after death. Life can be good, life can be cruel, but it is all so very vivid and real. One of my favorite movies is Moulin Rouge and I love the high tragedy as much as the low comedy (such a Shakespearian movie, I've always thought).
As long as I can still smile at a summer's day or wonder what the wind is whispering to the trees, life is well worth living.
Actually, that's not really so much of a minus, is it?
Stargate Atlantis 1x14 -- Sanctuary
I really wonder how non-slash fans justified Rodney's behavior in this one. Because if you don't read it as jealousy, it doesn't make anywhere near as much sense. While Rodney is skeptical about the people of the planet, he doesn't get bitchy about it until after John and Chaya have connected.
Honestly, I've nothing that other people haven't already said -- not the best episode, but wow, slashy as hell where McKay was concerned.
Stargate SG-1 8x14 -- Full Alert
Why is everyone so shocked that Jack takes a gun to the store? Jack is a general in the Air Force and the head of a top secret base. Of course, he takes a gun with him wherever he goes. He's always at risk.
Plus, good god, that was a hot moment. I couldn't tell if he had a holster or just keeps the gun tucked in his pants. Either way? Fucking hot.
*fans self*
And I loved the way he dealt with the Kinsey situation. Actually, I loved him in this entire episode. He was very good and general-ish. Of course, none of his kids were in any real danger for any length of time, so his complete and utter compromisedness when they're involved didn't come into play (because Jack knew that Daniel had the device and was never in trouble -- he could always beam out).
Loved Daniel throughout the episode. He was beautiful beyond belief, got to speak Russian, and yet again got to have a story with a female character who wasn't annoying. That's three (Leda, Vala, and now Daria) this season, plus at least two who have the potential to be annoying when Daniel isn't around (Elizabeth and Krista).
Michael Shanks -- mitigating the horrible writing of women on SG-1 whenever he's in the room. He's one of those great actors that seems to be able to make everyone that acts with him a little more interesting and charismatic.
Sam was really good in this episode, too. And I liked her hair. There may have been a twinge of attraction.
Teal'c should just carry a sign that says, "eye candy", because that's how he's being treated.
Plot-wise, I had fun. Didn't mind the abrupt ending because... well, I've gotten used to it in Stargate. I'm more surprised when they actually have a denouement.
And on a completely different subject, a lot of people are talking about death recently.
My mom already knows that I'd want any useful parts donated for organ replacement and then I want to be cremated. I don't want an empty body lying around, taking up space and rotting underground. Plus, incurring the expense of a coffin and a burial is just silly. I hardly need to be spending people's money after I've fled the flesh. I won't be there, I'll be off, to whatever's next.
I've actually given some thought to writing up a list, for music and such. Possibly I should write out a 'who to contact' list as well, so that y'all would know, in the event. And something to be read. Not D.I.S.C.O., definitely.
Speaking more generally, I don't have any particular fear of death (I have some specific fears -- I don't want to die in a car accident or by something like falling down a flight of stairs).
Everyone dies alone. It's the one journey that we take on our own. We live among others, but we die alone.
When I was deeply depressed, I would come up with these elaborate suicide plans, but I could never believe that, well, that the funeral could ever be what I wanted. Because I was so miserable, I didn't think that people would realize, post-my death, that they'd miss me. As a suicidal person I was selfish, yes, because I are in so much pain that I couldn't see that anyone would really care if I died.
In fact, that's why I didn't kill myself. Because if I died, there would be no one to make certain that I wasn't being forgotten. And I do hate being ignored. My very lack of confidence in my ability to make an impression helped to keep me from trying to off myself, which I find incredibly amusing, in retrospect.
It's been a long, hard battle to like myself, which I can honestly say that I do now, much of the time. I like my writing, which is something that I find amazing, because I used to always feel like I'd failed at it. I'm willing to entertain the idea that I'm smart (because people do keep telling me that I am, eventually, it does sink in a bit).
I still doubt, I still cut, but I can begin to see why people might enjoy having me around. I can make people laugh, and I can make people think. Both of those are good qualities, qualities that I always admired about other people, but found it hard to see in myself.
So, for me, personally, I'm glad that I never did kill myself. Though I know that I would have been welcomed with love, I'm glad that I stuck around to where I wasn't sure of things. Much better to go home in happiness and serenity than in grief and fear.
I do not fear death. After all, even if I'm completely wrong, and there's nothing, well, I'll never know that I was wrong, will I? And I have had made a bit of an impression. On some people. Should I die, my memory would live on for a time. Ripples.
But I've also no plans to chase after death. Life can be good, life can be cruel, but it is all so very vivid and real. One of my favorite movies is Moulin Rouge and I love the high tragedy as much as the low comedy (such a Shakespearian movie, I've always thought).
As long as I can still smile at a summer's day or wonder what the wind is whispering to the trees, life is well worth living.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-12 10:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-13 09:03 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-12 10:46 pm (UTC)I never thought of killing myself though - I thought about suicide in general and what impact my death would have on people, in particular if I was the one responsible for it, but I never thought of killing myself. Besides, I was lucky enough to grow up in such an environment that I never doubted that I was loved or that people would miss me, family or friends - there was no reason for me to think of doing something like that. Sadly it's not the same thing for everyone and I saw what suicides meant to those who stayed behind and the sheer devastation it created in the midst of the family that remained and it really shocked me... I couldn't imagine doing that, being the one responsible for that kind of pain. I just hope I never will.
And I'm glad that, even though you may not have solved everything, you're now able to see that life is worth living - there's beauty everywhere. Being able to see that is a gift *g*
{{{Hugs}}}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-13 09:08 am (UTC)But that's a fundamental root of being suicidal/depressive (I'm sure it doesn't apply to all, but it does to at least one, and I've only personal experience of what I've felt) -- you find it incredibly hard to believe that your passing could cause suffering like that. If I had killed myself, I would have died believing that my family was better off. That's the kind of self-doubt and self-hate that I was mired it. We can't see their love, so we can't truly believe that losing us would cause them grief.
It's... like having sunglasses glued to your face. You can almost see the light, around the edges, but you can't reach it. Everything that you can see is shadowed.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-13 09:49 am (UTC)I know. Which is why I say I hope I'll never feel like that. Your perception is suddenly totally distorted.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-13 10:34 am (UTC)There are easier roads to knowing who you are, but having known despair so completely, hope has become such a beacon to me. Having seen just how dark the path can become has made me appreciate every light around me, no matter how muted or insignificant it may appear on first glance. I've become a more loving and forgiving person because I've learnt to love and forgive myself.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-12 10:49 pm (UTC)I'm not sure if it's understandable what I mean? (It's later here and I should have gone to bed a while ago)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-12 11:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-13 09:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-15 06:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-15 08:39 pm (UTC)And even if he hadn't been right, it's good that he was being cautious and wasn't just handing a stranger the keys to the city.
*cough*
*glares at Sheppard*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-13 09:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-15 02:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-13 11:12 am (UTC)Is new and neat and adequately tall;
I tie the noose on in a knowing way
As one that knots his necktie for a ball;
But just as all the neighbours--on the wall--
Are drawing a long breath to shout "Hurray!"
The strangest whim has seized me. . . . After all
I think I will not hang myself to-day.
To-morrow is the time I get my pay--
My uncle's sword is hanging in the hall--
I see a little cloud all pink and grey--
Perhaps the rector's mother will NOT call--
I fancy that I heard from Mr. Gall
That mushrooms could be cooked another way--
I never read the works of Juvenal--
I think I will not hang myself to-day.
The world will have another washing-day;
The decadents decay; the pedants pall;
And H.G. Wells has found that children play,
And Bernard Shaw discovered that they squall;
Rationalists are growing rational--
And through thick woods one finds a stream astray,
So secret that the very sky seems small--
I think I will not hang myself to-day.
ENVOI
Prince, I can hear the trumpet of Germinal,
The tumbrils toiling up the terrible way;
Even to-day your royal head may fall--
I think I will not hang myself to-day.
G K Chesterton - "A Ballad of Suicide"
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-15 02:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-21 01:32 am (UTC)