Sadly it's not the same thing for everyone and I saw what suicides meant to those who stayed behind and the sheer devastation it created in the midst of the family that remained and it really shocked me... I couldn't imagine doing that, being the one responsible for that kind of pain. I just hope I never will.
But that's a fundamental root of being suicidal/depressive (I'm sure it doesn't apply to all, but it does to at least one, and I've only personal experience of what I've felt) -- you find it incredibly hard to believe that your passing could cause suffering like that. If I had killed myself, I would have died believing that my family was better off. That's the kind of self-doubt and self-hate that I was mired it. We can't see their love, so we can't truly believe that losing us would cause them grief.
It's... like having sunglasses glued to your face. You can almost see the light, around the edges, but you can't reach it. Everything that you can see is shadowed.
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regna
(no subject)
Date: 2005-02-13 09:08 am (UTC)But that's a fundamental root of being suicidal/depressive (I'm sure it doesn't apply to all, but it does to at least one, and I've only personal experience of what I've felt) -- you find it incredibly hard to believe that your passing could cause suffering like that. If I had killed myself, I would have died believing that my family was better off. That's the kind of self-doubt and self-hate that I was mired it. We can't see their love, so we can't truly believe that losing us would cause them grief.
It's... like having sunglasses glued to your face. You can almost see the light, around the edges, but you can't reach it. Everything that you can see is shadowed.