My first try at a morning journal
Jun. 23rd, 2001 07:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflyI woke up so late today. I don't know how I'm gonna manage to get up tomorrow for the Zoo. And I've got this nagging headache. I get it way too often. I mean, I wonder why. It's probably a stress headache. I can just imagine people asking what I have to be stressed about.
God, my hand's hurting already and I just started. I am such a wimp. I ordered pizza and pop again, which I shouldn't be doing. I mean, I know I shouldn't and I still do it. I'm such an idiot.
Huh, i just realized how often I put myself down in my thoughts. Which would lead me to calling myself unperceptive. God, can't I give myself a break? I would never do anything like this to anyone else. Most of the time, I give other people too much credit. The only times that I can sustain criticism toward someone is when they're fairly continuous about hurting me.
Like that Rhonda bitch. What was that about? I was the only person that she was mean to and there was no reason. I kept being nice to her even though she was pretty much consistently a bitch to me. I mean, she refused to do the morning choir back-rub thing with me. Just me. Way too be obvious about your hate. God, and she acted like I was the cause of all of her problems. I still have no clue why she hated me so much. I may not like myself most of the time but most people seem to find my presence at least tolerable.
You know what? I wash my hands of Rhonda. It's not my fault that she hated me. I don't think that I've ever acknowledged that before. It's not my fault.
I just popped my neck. I wonder if that really does lead to joint problems later on in life. How can you test it?
Which reminds me - I loved Evolution. I don't understand why no one else is watching it. That movie was tight, yo. Hee. Justin-speak. I always feel so silly writing that stuff. It's weird, 'cause if I don't think about it, sometimes I talk that way. But then Mom points out how odd it sounds coming out of my mouth and I get all self-conscious.
I am so anal about spelling. I suppose that's 'cause it was never my best subject. I think of it as a weak spot, so I examine my words and try to make them as close to perfect as possible. And that's your psychoanalysis, Dr. Freud.
I adore Sarah Michelle Geller. She is amazing. Her choice in movies and guys may suck, but no one's perfect. She is just... I don't know. I don't generally find her 'type' attractive. I tend to prefer the Amber Bensons and Drew Barrymores of the world. But Sarah has gorgeous eyes and I'm a sucker for eyes. They can make or break an attraction for me.
Oddly, Nick Brendon is also a bit against 'type' for me. Elsewhere, I tend ot prefer blond hair and light eyes, but somehow, I don't care with Nick. I just love him. Part of it is his sense of humor. I find a good sense of humor incredibly attractive. A guy who can make you laugh is harder to find than a guy who can make you wet. Not to be crude or anything.
I wonder if most of the offline people I know would be shocked by what I read and talk about online. I can't use IRL for offliners because what I say and do online is just as 'real' as what I say and do offline.
My feet are falling asleep from being in a half-lotus for too long. I need a mentor to teach me things, except I'd probably annoy away said mentor with my incredibly procrastinating skills. Bah, how needs a teacher when I have my friend, the book. I can remember when books were pretty much my only friends. Thank God that I've found Fox and the others. I don't think that I would have made it without them. They're a treasure and the best part is that they think the same about me. They think about me. Fox has IM'd me on her own.
It's amazing to have people who care about you and don't care what you look like or how much money you have. I don't think Mom realizes how important they all are to me. I don't think that she can. God, I wish that I could talk to her. I wish that I knew how to explain the things I feel. But I don't see how I can get her to understand.
God, my hand's hurting already and I just started. I am such a wimp. I ordered pizza and pop again, which I shouldn't be doing. I mean, I know I shouldn't and I still do it. I'm such an idiot.
Huh, i just realized how often I put myself down in my thoughts. Which would lead me to calling myself unperceptive. God, can't I give myself a break? I would never do anything like this to anyone else. Most of the time, I give other people too much credit. The only times that I can sustain criticism toward someone is when they're fairly continuous about hurting me.
Like that Rhonda bitch. What was that about? I was the only person that she was mean to and there was no reason. I kept being nice to her even though she was pretty much consistently a bitch to me. I mean, she refused to do the morning choir back-rub thing with me. Just me. Way too be obvious about your hate. God, and she acted like I was the cause of all of her problems. I still have no clue why she hated me so much. I may not like myself most of the time but most people seem to find my presence at least tolerable.
You know what? I wash my hands of Rhonda. It's not my fault that she hated me. I don't think that I've ever acknowledged that before. It's not my fault.
I just popped my neck. I wonder if that really does lead to joint problems later on in life. How can you test it?
Which reminds me - I loved Evolution. I don't understand why no one else is watching it. That movie was tight, yo. Hee. Justin-speak. I always feel so silly writing that stuff. It's weird, 'cause if I don't think about it, sometimes I talk that way. But then Mom points out how odd it sounds coming out of my mouth and I get all self-conscious.
I am so anal about spelling. I suppose that's 'cause it was never my best subject. I think of it as a weak spot, so I examine my words and try to make them as close to perfect as possible. And that's your psychoanalysis, Dr. Freud.
I adore Sarah Michelle Geller. She is amazing. Her choice in movies and guys may suck, but no one's perfect. She is just... I don't know. I don't generally find her 'type' attractive. I tend to prefer the Amber Bensons and Drew Barrymores of the world. But Sarah has gorgeous eyes and I'm a sucker for eyes. They can make or break an attraction for me.
Oddly, Nick Brendon is also a bit against 'type' for me. Elsewhere, I tend ot prefer blond hair and light eyes, but somehow, I don't care with Nick. I just love him. Part of it is his sense of humor. I find a good sense of humor incredibly attractive. A guy who can make you laugh is harder to find than a guy who can make you wet. Not to be crude or anything.
I wonder if most of the offline people I know would be shocked by what I read and talk about online. I can't use IRL for offliners because what I say and do online is just as 'real' as what I say and do offline.
My feet are falling asleep from being in a half-lotus for too long. I need a mentor to teach me things, except I'd probably annoy away said mentor with my incredibly procrastinating skills. Bah, how needs a teacher when I have my friend, the book. I can remember when books were pretty much my only friends. Thank God that I've found Fox and the others. I don't think that I would have made it without them. They're a treasure and the best part is that they think the same about me. They think about me. Fox has IM'd me on her own.
It's amazing to have people who care about you and don't care what you look like or how much money you have. I don't think Mom realizes how important they all are to me. I don't think that she can. God, I wish that I could talk to her. I wish that I knew how to explain the things I feel. But I don't see how I can get her to understand.