(no subject)

[butterfly]

To apologise and yet continue the behavior has always felt emotionally dishonest to me, particularly when I'm doing it.

I'm scared about my mom being in Africa. I'm deathly nervous about my upcoming college class. I'm getting annoyed with my job, and I'm jonesing like crazy to cut (so far have managed not to, but it's almost surprising how hard it still is to resist). These are all personal, non-fannish things that are causing me to be jittery and, well, very unreliable online.

And I do regret that.

I feel fogged out and isolated, but I'm very aware, this time around, that this is my choice. I'm isolating myself. I'm not sure why yet, or how long this is going to last. But if any of you on my flist have gotten bored or frustrated with me, feel free to consider this an announcement of a defriending amnesty in general. I'm not being particularly interesting or particularly anything but unresponsive, and I have no clue when that's going to change.

Comments

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

I'm deathly nervous about my upcoming college class.

You are gifted. You have an opportunity. You are going to get something out of this. You are going to shine.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Perhaps I should try putting some affirmations up on my wall. Might help to have something obviously positive about.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

Everyone is different - has different needs. I'm excessively centered, bordering on arrogance. I need people telling me I'm an idiot. Because sometimes I am, and it keeps me on my toes... helps me get my act together.

Some folks are more melancholic and need the positive affirmations more. I don't know from psychology or what works or any of that... I just hope you find what works for you.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

And it's definitely true that different people have different needs. My roommate has tons of self-confidence.

[fatale.livejournal.com]

You can't control how you feel and trying to suppress it doesn't seem to help, either.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

True. Which is kind of annoying. Repression really felt like the answer (okay, no, it didn't, but I wanted it to be. Repression would be so easy if it actually worked).

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

Sometimes you need to withdraw for a bit. I hope you work through your difficulties and return happier. I'll be here waiting. *hugs*

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Thank you.

[minnow1212.livejournal.com]

:hugs: I’m sorry--it sounds like you’ve got a lot of stressors right now, and I wish there were something I could do to make things easier.

And you don’t always need to be up or on or "interesting" all the time, you know? We value you.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Thank you.

Yeah, but now if I'm not being interesting, I won't feel guilty, because I 'warned' people. Because my brain is a twisty and (sometimes) silly place.

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

I posted your CDs yesterday!
A couple of people have said the first tracks might skip on older equipment - try them on the computer if so, or on a newer player, or just start on the second track and skip backwards.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

I look forward to checking them out.

Thank you.

[blueswan9.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

Thank you.

[bhadrasvapna.livejournal.com]

hon, it's okay to be down. You have a lot going on. Even if you didn't have a lot going on, you are still allowed to be down. There is no rule saying you have to be 100% all the time, or even any of the time. Just take care of yourself.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

And yeah, I mostly realize that. But there's a part of me that feels bad that I'm not being interesting. Sorta like I tricked people by being interesting and then stopping. Which doesn't actually make sense, since I'm not doing on purpose (at least not that kind of on purpose).

[bhadrasvapna.livejournal.com]

I know the feeeling. i used to write all these Buffyverse essays and later Firefly essays. People tuned into my journal for those. Somewhere along the way, they got to know me, and like to read my more personal stuff. Then I stopped writing for the most part. The people still stick around. We'll still be here in you need a break.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that. It's always nice to realize that I'm not alone in how I feel.

[fannishnonsense]

*hugs*

Definitely not defriending. I like you even when you're not being "interesting." You don't have to perform for our benefit.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

Thank you.

[storydivagirl.livejournal.com]

::Hugs:: you're in my thoughts dearie and sometimes you just need to take time for yourself.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Thank you.

[jgracio.livejournal.com]

I don't know you that long, but a blog is in no way a sort of show where the host needs to entertain the guests. It's your space. And what's really important is that you do whatever's necessary to get through this time. :)

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

True. Thank you.