My rose-colored glasses are broken.

[butterfly]

Since my first episode up until near the end of First Date, I always had this faith in Buffy, the person. No matter what she was doing or what the show was putting her through, I had confidence in her better nature.

And that's what First Date ruined for me.

It's not a matter of her choosing Spike over Xander. She's always done that. It was choosing to comfort a superpowered person with a headbump over choosing to comfort a human with a stab wound. It was a moment that... crystallized something that I've been refusing to see for years about the Buffy character.

And now that that's happened, I see everything before it in a different light. I just rewatched The Killer in Me and it was a totally different experience. I couldn't work up any feelings for Buffy. I kept snarking on her bad hair. I...

Buffy's not my girl anymore.

I went through so much while watching Buffy and through it all, Buffy was my girl, my touchstone to make me feel better.

And that's gone.

And that is such a huge thing for me. I've always felt for her, even when I felt nothing for the guy she was with (she really does have the worst taste in men). But now I don't. And I don't like that.

I've loved her character for seven years.

Now, I still love the show, but I don't love the girl anymore. I don't know that girl anymore.