Various thoughts -

[butterfly]

It's hard when bad things happen. I mean, that's super obvious, right? But it's worse when it's your fault. Because it didn't have to happen. Or at least you think that it didn't.

I hate getting sympathy and at the same time, really want to. I want people to care but I always think of it as meaningless because... well, of course people'll care when someone's hurting. I mean, I care when anyone's hurting, whether I love them or not. So, sympathy always feels empty to me. Because it's a natural human reaction. It's not me-specific, and that's what I always want. Because I'm completely selfish. Totally unfair and selfish, that's me.

It's weird to know that your parents are sleeping with other people. They've been divorced for over two years, but even the idea makes me all twitchy. Meh. Let alone the fact.

Two posts ago, I said that I think that I'm not a good writer. This is not an objection observation. This is my inner gut feeling that I deeply suck. Love people for saying I'm not, but this does not make the feelings go away. I would have to like myself first. I'm better at this, but I do not forsee a sea change. At the same time, you would never see me saying this in a post where I've actually written some fic, because I am not that pathetic, thank you very much.

My uncle's getting married next week. Which is great for him, but, you know (well, you do now), it's his third marriage.

I really don't want to ever have a third marriage. Of course, I am undecided on whether I would ever want a first marriage, so.

I wonder what a list of my favorite characters in fiction would say about me as a person. Of course, I wonder about what most everything I like or dislike says about me as a person.

I really enjoyed the first episode of the new season of Andromeda. Harper's still my favorite, which is something that I feel good about, and Dylan is still my second favorite, which is something that I worry about.

The Extended Edition of the Fellowship of the Rings still rules mightily. This should shock no one.

Finally got back my S7 tapes from dad. I'm exceedingly thrilled about this.

Comments

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

*snugs you*

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

*snugs back*

RE: Liking yourself

[raine-wynd.livejournal.com]

Having re-invented myself three times now (once before college, once halfway through college, and again after being married several years), I think I've figured out the key for liking oneself: figure out what it is about yourself that you don't like and then figure out what you can do to change it. If it's something you can't change, either because you genetically can't or you don't have the money to do so or you're totally squicked by plastic surgery/whatever, then figure out what you can do to accept such. You are in control of you - no one else, and only you can make yourself happy. It took a lot of work, some very supportive friends, and a little bit of professional therapy, for me to get to a point where I didn't think I deeply sucked 98% of the time I walked through life, and understand why I thought that way. I'm not a therapist, just someone with a lot of life experience, and it sounds to me like you need some professional therapy, or at least an outside, uninvolved listener who can assess a situation and suggest some paths/solutions for you.

Re: Liking yourself

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Hmm. That requires more thought. I mean, it's hard to pin down specifics, you know?

And I was doing the therapy thing, but then I lost my insurance. Eventually, I'll probably try it again, since it really did help. Well, the last person did. The ones before? Not so much.