Ficlet: The Wall (due South; Ray/Ray)

[butterfly]

Title: The Wall
Summary: Fraser doesn't want to know.
Pairing(s): Assumption of Ray/Ray
Rating: PG
Author's Note: Written for pearl_o (originally written as a comment)


Ray is, I believe, engaging in carnal relations with Ray.

I have no proof, but I feel as though I could easily acquire said proof if I desired it. I don't. Part of me feels as if I should, as both Ray and Ray are dear friends to me. And yet, they are in Chicago and I see them so rarely. Far too rarely to have any right to inquire into their personal lives if they haven't felt the need to volunteer the information.

God. I hope that they never do. And thoughts like that make me feel as if I should root out the whys of not wanting to know, and yet... I know why.

I'm just terrified of facing it.

Ray Kowalski spent six months in Canada with me... as a friend and a partner. And then, he went home, to his job. Welsh requested him back at the 2-7 and he went. And I was left with regret. Because if Ray and Ray are something, then perhaps if I had made more effort, then Ray and I might have been something.

And then there's the confusion over what it means that Ray Vecchio would... I never told him that I was attracted to women and to men. Perhaps I should have. I'd feared things that apparently I'd need not fear.

I was foolish not to speak. To share.

Because of my fears, I am left with doubts and regrets.

And though I cannot prove it and would not wish to, I know that Ray is fucking Ray.

Not me.

~fade to black~

Comments

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Oh...my. So much in so few words.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

I wibble for a Fraser in a Ray/Ray world. I can't really read Ray/Ray because my mind is constantly on Fraser.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Someone pointed out in a post recently that Ray/Ray is really about Fraser. I think that's true - or at least, it's about Fraser's lasting impact on the two other men. I like this story because it takes it a step further, back to Fraser and his emotions.

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

And yeah, I'd agree. The volatility between the two Rays in CotW is caused solely by their respective relationships to Fraser. We have no clue how they'd have reacted to each other in a Fraser-less world.