Season Six of BtVS:
Dec. 11th, 2004 12:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflySo, a large part of the reason that I left MBTV (Odd that I still think of it that -- it became TWoP before I left) was the bitterness and the hate. More than that, because season six was the first time that I identified with Buffy over Xander, every bit of hate felt like a personal attack.
I was reading lj today and surprised myself when I realized that I still can't read harsh commentary on season six. I thought that I'd... disassociated from feeling that pain. But whenever I watch season six, Buffy's pain grips like it was the first time, and every time I read negative commentary on the season, particularly if it mentions Buffy, but I felt for all the Scoobies spiraling, there's a little voice saying, "But that's how it really feels. They got that right."
This is how it feels sometimes:
"Tell me that I was made wrong, because I can't be meant to feel this fucked-up. Tell me that it's better to disappoint someone now, because I know that I'll disappoint them more later. Tell me that doing something that makes me feel in control, even if it's not true, will make me feel better."
That's what it feels like. So when people say that it's stupid or doesn't make sense, it still feels like they're saying that about me. Because the show did such a good job of capturing how my depression has made me feel at various points in my life. And it was so very empowering to see them slowly work their way out of it -- because it isn't something that gets better with an epiphany or a healed relationship. It's something inside you that you have to fix. It's slow and it's hard and you backslide, and it was so very inspiring to see that on tv, to see the three of them pull each other back from the brink. A hug doesn't heal anything, but it shows that, for a moment, someone cares, and that can bring the world back enough for another try.
I try so hard to be objective -- I know that I don't succeed a lot of the time. Most of us don't. But I try and I do always try to find out where my biases are.
So, here it is -- I love season six of BtVS. I think that it did an amazing job of speaking to me. It encapsulates three main ways people destroy their lives and sets-up for the healing after. It's the season I get most emotional over and the one that I care most about.
Season Six is my favorite season.
I was reading lj today and surprised myself when I realized that I still can't read harsh commentary on season six. I thought that I'd... disassociated from feeling that pain. But whenever I watch season six, Buffy's pain grips like it was the first time, and every time I read negative commentary on the season, particularly if it mentions Buffy, but I felt for all the Scoobies spiraling, there's a little voice saying, "But that's how it really feels. They got that right."
This is how it feels sometimes:
"Tell me that I was made wrong, because I can't be meant to feel this fucked-up. Tell me that it's better to disappoint someone now, because I know that I'll disappoint them more later. Tell me that doing something that makes me feel in control, even if it's not true, will make me feel better."
That's what it feels like. So when people say that it's stupid or doesn't make sense, it still feels like they're saying that about me. Because the show did such a good job of capturing how my depression has made me feel at various points in my life. And it was so very empowering to see them slowly work their way out of it -- because it isn't something that gets better with an epiphany or a healed relationship. It's something inside you that you have to fix. It's slow and it's hard and you backslide, and it was so very inspiring to see that on tv, to see the three of them pull each other back from the brink. A hug doesn't heal anything, but it shows that, for a moment, someone cares, and that can bring the world back enough for another try.
I try so hard to be objective -- I know that I don't succeed a lot of the time. Most of us don't. But I try and I do always try to find out where my biases are.
So, here it is -- I love season six of BtVS. I think that it did an amazing job of speaking to me. It encapsulates three main ways people destroy their lives and sets-up for the healing after. It's the season I get most emotional over and the one that I care most about.
Season Six is my favorite season.