spn 10x05 - john's crime

The line that gets to me the most from the songs in 10x05 is “but underneath this broken mask/ it is my father with all his wrath” because it really speaks to these two duel fears of Dean’s – he’s afraid of not living up to John’s standards (‘must be the man that daddy wanted’) but he’s also terrified of becoming his father. John haunts him in so many ways. Dean sees himself as weak in contrast to both John and Sam, who are their 'own men’, but his father’s definition of ‘strength’ has pretty much broken Dean in two, and he can see what poison it is when it’s applied to other people and other family relationships, but he can’t extend that compassion to himself*.

That relationship dynamic was something about demon!Dean that got to me, too, because he also clearly was still affected by his upbringing by John, but he retained none of the affection for John as a person that human!Dean had, so all that was left was the disdain and resentment towards a father who (as play!Dean puts it) 'took away their own free will’ and (as demon!Dean put it) 'brainwashed’ them.

And so now we’ve had two different 'versions’ of Dean (demon!Dean and play!Dean) accuse John of the same crime, which is very exciting for where Dean’s character arc will go this season.

*Which is realistic but incredibly painful to watch.

“I mean, if I knew for sure what the safest thing was, then I’d do it. Stay here and look after you guys or get as far away as I possibly can, but I don’t know. And I get what I’ve been doing lately, you know, what with the yelling and the acting like a prison guard. It’s just, that’s not me. You tell yourself you’re not gonna be something, you know? But my dad was exactly like this. All the time. It’s scaring the hell out of me.”

6x02 - Two and a Half Men

 

 

 

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Original Post: john's crime