(no subject)

To apologise and yet continue the behavior has always felt emotionally dishonest to me, particularly when I'm doing it.

I'm scared about my mom being in Africa. I'm deathly nervous about my upcoming college class. I'm getting annoyed with my job, and I'm jonesing like crazy to cut (so far have managed not to, but it's almost surprising how hard it still is to resist). These are all personal, non-fannish things that are causing me to be jittery and, well, very unreliable online.

And I do regret that.

I feel fogged out and isolated, but I'm very aware, this time around, that this is my choice. I'm isolating myself. I'm not sure why yet, or how long this is going to last. But if any of you on my flist have gotten bored or frustrated with me, feel free to consider this an announcement of a defriending amnesty in general. I'm not being particularly interesting or particularly anything but unresponsive, and I have no clue when that's going to change.