Fic: White Rabbits (Star Wars, 13/?)
Jul. 15th, 2005 03:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflyChapter: 13/?
Author: Diana Michelle (
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
butterfly)Warnings: Spoilers for Revenge of the Sith.
Pairing: Eventual Anakin/Obi-Wan.
Rating: PG/PG-13-ish.
Summary: Leia finds out about the Jedi Code.
Disclaimer: Not Lucas, don't own a thing, not making any money.
Chapter Index
“It’s not that big a ship. There really isn’t anywhere to go,” Leia said. Anakin stopped, a gloved hand lifting to rest against the wall. In his black cloak, someone else might assume that he’d blend into the shadows, but, as Leia would have suspected, he stood out as much as Vader ever had. He was taller than Luke was, closer to Han’s height, and he wasn't afraid to use every inch of it.
“I can try,” Anakin said.
“You really do care, don’t you?” Even with everything that she’d seen so far, it felt shocking to actually say it, admit that she’d noticed it.
Anakin’s laugh surprised her too, low and mocking. And it didn’t feel like he was laughing at her.
“Of course I care,” Anakin said, turning his face toward her slightly, but not looking at her. “I should ask why you would doubt that, but I’m not sure that I want to hear the answer.”
“Probably not. That doesn’t mean that you might not need to hear it,” Leia said.
“Why does everyone think that I need to be lectured?” Anakin asked, but the corner of his mouth had turned up.
“Perhaps because you don’t seem to listen the first time,” Leia said tartly. Anakin glanced back at her, and his eyes looked kind and soft.
“You’ve been talking to Obi-Wan,” Anakin said. The light in his eyes faded then, though he didn’t stop smiling.
The thing that she’d never expected from Darth Vader – that he could care so much about having hurt a friend. That he’d had such a good friend. Luke had tried to explain to her, afterwards, about why Luke had needed to try to turn Vader back and why it had worked, but even though she’d known that he was right, she’d never been able to grasp why.
She still couldn’t. She now had an image of Anakin Skywalker to counter that of Darth Vader, but she couldn’t make them fit together.
She couldn’t reconcile the man who’d caused her so much pain with the man who regretted so deeply the pain he’d inflicted on Obi-Wan.
“Why does our existence hurt him so much?” Leia asked, taking a step forward. “My… my adoptive father never hinted that Obi-Wan would do anything but welcome meeting me. Luke still speaks of his time with Obi-Wan with great fondness. Why doesn’t this one feel the same?”
Anakin moved toward her, his gaze lightly skimming over her face.
“It’s what you represent that he dislikes,” Anakin said. “Obi-Wan is a Jedi Master. And none of you seem to understand what that means.”
Leia bristled, but managed to calm herself when Anakin’s smile briefly widened into a knowing smirk. He was trying to upset her, for some blasted unknown reason. Well, she wouldn’t fall for it.
“Then explain it to me,” she said, her voice calm and even.
Anakin glided half a step closer to her. Close enough to touch, and even though he didn’t make a move to, she knew that he could sense just how unsettled she was by his nearness.
“A Jedi does not know emotion,” Anakin said, tilting his head slightly as he watched her. His eyes were so blue this close and they reminded her of Luke. “Instead, a Jedi focuses on inner peace. Emotions can cause… hesitation when action is required, and inappropriate reactions when a more diplomatic approach is needed.”
Anakin reached out for her hair, and she noticed that he didn't wear a glove on that hand. Somehow, he knew exactly which pin to pull out to cause the bun to unravel. He opened his fingers, and she heard the dim clunk of the pin hitting the metal of the floor.
“A true Jedi does not allow himself to be trapped in ignorance,” Anakin continued, brushing his hand over her hair and then reaching for another pin. “A Jedi must open himself to the Force and the Force will show him how to seek the knowledge that he requires. The Force contains everything that anyone ever needs to know – all they have to do is find out how to look.”
Another pin fell to the floor, then another.
“A Jedi… and this part is the one that applies to our current situation, so I’d suggest you listen,” Anakin said. Leia pulled in an indignant breath, but then let it out again, slowly, as Anakin ran his hand through her hair. She reminded herself that she was only proving a point. “The path of the Jedi is found through serenity and not passion. Passion is a snare for the weak-willed. Passion leads to the abandonment of duty and the loss of justice. Passion can be… overwhelming. People get lost in it, lose themselves willingly.”
Anakin’s smile changed, softened.
“With your hair down, you look very much like your mother,” he said.
“Obi-Wan…” Leia had to pause to wet her lips. “Obi-Wan said that her name was Padmé. Padmé Amidala.”
“Yes, her name is Padmé,” Anakin said, and he lingered over the word. “She’s brilliant, and so incredibly brave, and even Obi-Wan likes her.”
“Why… why wouldn’t he? Before he knew about your relationship with her?” Leia asked.
“Obi-Wan doesn’t think very highly of politicians,” Anakin said. “He doesn’t trust them.”
Anakin sounded amused by that, though Leia couldn’t think of why.
“Tell me, Leia,” Anakin said, his hand moving down to rest on the skin at the nape of her neck. “What do you think of the Jedi philosophy?”
“About passion?” Leia asked. Anakin inclined his head. “I don’t agree.”
“I didn’t think you would,” Anakin said. “I saw the way you were kissing your... Han Solo earlier. You don’t have any problems showing your love for him. It’s admirable.”
“But Obi-Wan wouldn’t agree?” Leia asked.
“No, he wouldn’t,” Anakin said. “So, you see, it’s not you that he’s having trouble with – it’s the idea that I allowed myself to so fully submit to another person. That I embraced my passion instead of pushing it away, like he does.”
Anakin brushed her hair away from her face and then leaned forward, lightly kissing her on the forehead. Leia tensed, not entirely sure how to react. His hand slid down further, pulling her into an oddly comforting hug.
They remained like that for a long moment.
“I’m going to have a daughter,” Anakin said. His face was still pressed against her hair and she felt the words more than she heard them. “Leia. It’s a beautiful name.”
“Thank you,” Leia said, and the words were easier to say than she would have expected. He pulled away, appraising her with a careful eye.
"There are other things that I'd like to tell you," Anakin said. "But more than that, I want to know about you."
"There's so much that you won't like hearing," Leia said. "And I don't know how to explain it all, anyway."
"You could just tell me the good parts," Anakin said, wistfully. "We could pretend that the rest didn't happen."
"I can't do that," Leia said.
"Why not?" Anakin asked. He sounded slightly petulant now, a child refused a favorite toy. For a moment, there, he'd seemed so warm, so appealing. She'd almost imagined calling him 'father', just once, to see how it sounded. She'd actually allowed herself to forget about the needle, and Alderaan, and the millions of other reasons that she had to hate him.
"You said yourself that a Jedi should not seek ignorance," Leia said, moving away from him. "But you didn't make a very good Jedi, apparently. Not like Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Anakin pressed his lips together and his eyes looked much darker now.
"You tell me about what being a true Jedi is, yet practically brag about how you fail to follow the guidelines," Leia said. "Maybe you are a good man, but for all your power, you are very weak where it counts."
Anakin stalked towards her and Leia resisted the urge to back up again.
"If not for that... weakness," Anakin said cuttingly. "You never would have been born."
He reached toward her and Leia couldn't quite contain her flinch. Anakin smiled, sliding his hand onto her shoulder. In contrast to his words, his touch stayed gentle, almost soothing.
"I love your mother, very much," he said, narrowing his eyes. "Don't you dare try to make it sound like a flaw."
"You were Empire's right hand," Leia said, pulling away from him with a jerk. "You headed the Jedi Purge and personally killed at least eighty-seven of your fellow Jedi. And those are just the ones we can prove."
Anakin shook his head. "You're lying."
"I wish I were," Leia said. "The list of crimes that you committed under the Emperor's rule is... horrifying. Han's absolutely right. You are a monster. Not just in the eyes of the public, but in word and deed."
"You have to be lying," Anakin whispered.
"You know I'm not," Leia said, voice trembling as she finally turned and walked away.
But she was pretty sure that he wasn't listening any more.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-15 02:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-15 02:38 pm (UTC)Wanting only to hear the good parts is such an Anakin thing to do. Loved this:
“Perhaps because you don’t seem to listen the first time,” Leia said tartly.
And of course Leia would be the one to finally tell him the full enormity of what he did/is going to do. Double that ouch. And bring on the next chapter!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-16 12:09 am (UTC)(I really want to get some Imperial Trilogy icons at some point. Because. Leia and Luke!)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-16 12:10 am (UTC)Okay, that was intense, and slightly disturbing, with the intimate, lover-like gesture of pulling out her hair-pins. Those Skywalkers!
They really don't have the healthiest familial instincts.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-16 02:02 am (UTC)You had me slightly freaked out when Anakin was pulling out Leia's hair pins. All I could think was 'Anakin this is your daughter stop trying to seduce her.
And someone tells him the enormity of what he, in this particular future, did. All in the guise of protecting the mother of the children he never got to raise. I'm glad that it was Leia that broke down what Darth Vader was being held accountable for, I don't think it would have come across quite right if it had been anyone else.
On to next chapter...
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-16 05:05 am (UTC)Lovely chapter, and interesting, despite explaining the Jedi philosophy and having Leia disagree with it Leia sees the fault in Anakin. Just lovely.
(and I wanted to go 'awwwww' when Anakin was being all fatherly. The man he should have been comes to mind.)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-16 02:57 pm (UTC)Leia would be the one to tell him he lead the Purge against the Jedi. She's very fearless, and even taunts Vader in ANH. And Anakin's self-delusion -- the fact that he won't hear what he doesn't want to hear -- would drive her right up the wall.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-16 08:09 pm (UTC)And I think if Anakin had been thinking at all, he might have been disturbed, too.
Leia is definitely the character we know who is in the best position to know just what Vader did before ANH.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-16 08:09 pm (UTC)Lovely chapter, and interesting, despite explaining the Jedi philosophy and having Leia disagree with it Leia sees the fault in Anakin. Just lovely.
Leia's definitely got her fair share of common sense.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-07-16 08:11 pm (UTC)Anakin in stalker!mode again. He veers between being sweet and being creepy. At least Leia is world-wise enough to be wary of him -- Padme was very naive in some ways, and didn't know how to deal with Anakin.
She really was. And Anakin always saw her as Padme, not as a Queen or a Senator. And that can be appealing.
re: Fic: White Rabbits (Star Wars, 13: Passion
Date: 2006-03-13 06:28 pm (UTC)Anakin's pulling the pins out of Leia's hair was almost too much to read, too much to bear. It resonated on many levels.
“Why does everyone think that I need to be lectured?” Anakin asked, but the corner of his mouth had turned up.
“Perhaps because you don’t seem to listen the first time,” Leia said tartly.
You hit the nail on the head with that!
She now had an image of Anakin Skywalker to counter that of Darth Vader, but she couldn’t make them fit together.
Without the info that we know, it is difficult.
"You said yourself that a Jedi should not seek ignorance," Leia said, moving away from him. "But you didn't make a very good Jedi, apparently. Not like Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Anakin pressed his lips together and his eyes looked much darker now.
"You tell me about what being a true Jedi is, yet practically brag about how you fail to follow the guidelines," Leia said. "Maybe you are a good man, but for all your power, you are very weak where it counts."
Seems like Leia's got a handle on Anakin already, at least his failures.
Re: Fic: White Rabbits (Star Wars, 13: Passion
Date: 2006-04-06 09:10 am (UTC)Anakin's pulling the pins out of Leia's hair was almost too much to read, too much to bear. It resonated on many levels.
Thank you.
“Why does everyone think that I need to be lectured?” Anakin asked, but the corner of his mouth had turned up.
“Perhaps because you don’t seem to listen the first time,” Leia said tartly.
You hit the nail on the head with that!
Thanks.
She now had an image of Anakin Skywalker to counter that of Darth Vader, but she couldn’t make them fit together.
Without the info that we know, it is difficult.
RotS really did wonders for me in connecting the dots from the younger Anakin to Darth Vader.
"You said yourself that a Jedi should not seek ignorance," Leia said, moving away from him. "But you didn't make a very good Jedi, apparently. Not like Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Anakin pressed his lips together and his eyes looked much darker now.
"You tell me about what being a true Jedi is, yet practically brag about how you fail to follow the guidelines," Leia said. "Maybe you are a good man, but for all your power, you are very weak where it counts."
Seems like Leia's got a handle on Anakin already, at least his failures.
She's a wise woman.