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butterflySo, I'm at my mom's for the night. I was over here last night, too, but last night, everything was fine.
Tonight, mom decided to have a bit more wine than she usually does when I visit her. I finally convinced her that bed was the best idea, mostly because I couldn't stand to be in the same room with her anymore tonight.
I hate that she's drinking again, that my dad is drinking again, too. I guess that it wasn't being married to each other that made them drink. I'd hoped...
I hate this so much. I hate... I can't stop crying and I hate that, too.
Your peer pressure isn't supposed to come from your mom. She's not supposed be to be the one saying that just one puff of pot wouldn't hurt. She's not.
She's not the one who's supposed to say that you should get high once, just to know what it's like. She's supposed to be the one telling you not to.
She probably won't even remember in the morning. Dad usually doesn't, either. They never...
She wondered, earlier, why on earth I could feel unsafe. Why I wouldn't feel safe in my mom's home, or in the place where I live. But when you can't trust your own. I can't. I don't trust my parents. I love them, but that's not the same thing.
I hate feeling this way.
In some ways, I think that this is at the root of my best friend kink in fic. Because, more than anything, I want to know someone that much, have someone know me, have... be able to trust someone. And I don't, I can't, because I'm so completely fucking terrified.
Because this feeling, this horrible, crushed, broken feeling... this is what love means to me in real life. This is what I know. That it hurts, that you can't rely on anything.
I really hate this feeling.
To quote Simon, also from Firefly:
It was my birthday.
Tonight, mom decided to have a bit more wine than she usually does when I visit her. I finally convinced her that bed was the best idea, mostly because I couldn't stand to be in the same room with her anymore tonight.
I hate that she's drinking again, that my dad is drinking again, too. I guess that it wasn't being married to each other that made them drink. I'd hoped...
I hate this so much. I hate... I can't stop crying and I hate that, too.
Your peer pressure isn't supposed to come from your mom. She's not supposed be to be the one saying that just one puff of pot wouldn't hurt. She's not.
She's not the one who's supposed to say that you should get high once, just to know what it's like. She's supposed to be the one telling you not to.
She probably won't even remember in the morning. Dad usually doesn't, either. They never...
She wondered, earlier, why on earth I could feel unsafe. Why I wouldn't feel safe in my mom's home, or in the place where I live. But when you can't trust your own. I can't. I don't trust my parents. I love them, but that's not the same thing.
I hate feeling this way.
In some ways, I think that this is at the root of my best friend kink in fic. Because, more than anything, I want to know someone that much, have someone know me, have... be able to trust someone. And I don't, I can't, because I'm so completely fucking terrified.
Because this feeling, this horrible, crushed, broken feeling... this is what love means to me in real life. This is what I know. That it hurts, that you can't rely on anything.
I really hate this feeling.
To quote Simon, also from Firefly:
It was my birthday.
