Fic: White Rabbits (Star Wars, 28/?)
Aug. 25th, 2005 01:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflyChapter: 28/?
Author: Diana Michelle (
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
butterfly)Warnings: Spoilers for Revenge of the Sith.
Pairings: Anakin/Obi-Wan; Leia/Han.
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Anakin wants more than he has.
Disclaimer: Not Lucas, don't own a thing, not making any money.
Chapter Index
Out of the corner of his eye, Anakin noticed Obi-Wan thanking their guide, but most of Anakin’s attention was focused on the room itself.
It was a long room with one window running across the length of the far wall, revealing a glimpse of the city just outside. The walls were white and the furniture unremarkable – an uncomfortable-looking pale grey couch took up the near right side of the room, a bleached mahkowood table sitting in front of it. Two small beds lay beyond the couch, placed crosswise against the wall, a small metallic nightstand separating them. The blankets were light beige and the beds themselves looked firm, with no give. The other wall was adorned only with a plain set of drawers inset into the wall. All in all, very utilitarian. Not what Anakin himself would have given out to guests, but it matched the rest of the building.
They certainly didn’t seem to prize comfort or color in this new Republic. And Anakin was beginning to wonder if he’d ever see anything that made this future seem at all desirable. Everything so far just made him think that everyone would be better off if he and Obi-Wan could manage to fix things.
They just needed to figure out how to do that.
Anakin moved into the room, walking over to the windows and glancing outside. The lights of the city were bright, the traffic heavy and distracting. Anakin reached out and twisted the shade on the window down, blocking out the light.
He heard the soft click of the room door shutting, and the room flooded with light as Obi-Wan activated the overhead. Anakin closed his eyes against the brightness, reaching out with his senses.
There were two security recorders covering the room. With a light touch of the Force, Anakin switched them off, while tying a knot into the alarm system to keep it from triggering. They’d notice his interference, probably sooner rather than later, but if the Republic wanted to watch, they could have the decency to ask first.
As an afterthought, Anakin tied a mental alarm of his own into the door of the room, locking it and keying it to react if anyone tried to open the door.
Then Anakin turned around, opening his eyes as he smiled at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan was already watching Anakin, a considering look on his face. Anakin felt a tiny pang of guilt when he noticed just how tired Obi-Wan looked, but he pushed it away. Obi-Wan could rest all he wanted after they’d had a chance to talk.
“I just want to clarify something,” Anakin said. Obi-Wan tilted his chin up, the line between his eyes deepening, radiating concern and calm, though Anakin could almost feel the edges of another emotion underneath those. “About what happened back on that ship.”
“Oh, do you mean the ill-advised attempt to distract me from thinking about your relationship with Padmé?” Obi-Wan asked. Anakin’s left hand tightened into a fist involuntarily, but he refused to let Obi-Wan’s words get under his skin.
“That wasn’t what it was,” Anakin said. He pulled off his cloak and tossed it on the nearest bed. The warm glow of his victory over Luke was fading, rapidly being replaced by an uncontrollable frustration at Obi-Wan, who seemed to be missing the point on purpose. “What I have with Padmé has nothing to do with the Order, and nothing to do with you.”
“Then why are we talking about it at all?” Obi-Wan asked, wrapping his arms around his chest, left over right. Anakin pressed his lips together for a moment, turning and dropping down onto the bed, and then carefully and slowly started unbuckling the straps around the top of his left boot.
“Because we have to,” Anakin said, not letting himself look at Obi-Wan. “Or maybe… maybe because I want to.”
“Why?” Obi-Wan asked, his voice holding the slightest edge of strain. “We never needed to talk about it before.”
“Maybe we did,” Anakin said, undoing the last buckle and then slipping both the boot and sock underneath off, tossing them in the corner by the bed and starting on the right one. “Maybe we’ve always needed to, but neither of us wanted to because…what I have with Padmé, it changes things.”
“It doesn’t need to,” Obi-Wan said. Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan, still standing near the door, watching Anakin with that exhausted look in his eyes. “Anakin, I don’t-that is, I’m not planning on telling the Council.”
Anakin dropped his eyes back to his boot, carefully unfastening the buckles. The floor was cold and hard, unyielding under his left foot. Obi-Wan sighed softly, coming farther into the room.
“So, you see, it doesn’t have to change anything,” Obi-Wan said, sitting on edge of the other bed. “We can accept it and continue on, just the same as before.”
Anakin tugged off his right boot and sock, and tossed them over to join the others. He pushed further back on the bed, pulling his legs up. The narrow bed was softer than it had looked, the blanket plush under his bare feet. He picked his cloak up off of the bed and tossed it into the corner near his boots.
“I think that would be for the best,” Obi-Wan said. Anakin noticed that Obi-Wan’s calm was slipping, just a little, and there was a hint of frustration pulsing into the Force. “Don’t you agree?”
“No,” Anakin said, unclipping his lightsaber from his belt and leaning back to place it onto the nightstand. He stayed there, leaning back onto the bed, propping himself up by his elbows. From this vantage point, he could see the back of Obi-Wan’s head, the curve of his ear, and the very edge of his face. “I don’t.”
“Why not?” Obi-Wan said, his shoulders slouching forward the slightest bit.
“Because I don’t want things to stay the same,” Anakin said. Obi-Wan’s back tensed slightly and Anakin felt the sudden, intense urge to run his hand over Obi-Wan’s skin, to massage the tension out until Obi-Wan relaxed under his touch. “I want more.”
“What exactly do you mean?” Obi-Wan asked, but Anakin could feel Obi-Wan’s uncertainty. There was no real confusion there, merely indecision.
“I want you to look at me,” Anakin said, reaching down and releasing the catch on his belt, slipping off the belt and the sash underneath, his tabard and tunics sliding out of place “No, I want you to see me.”
“I’m not sure I understand the distinction,” Obi-Wan said, carefully. Anakin dropped the belt and sash off the side of the bed, watching as Obi-Wan winced at the soft sound they made as they hit the floor.
“Don’t you?” Anakin asked, pushing his fear down to a cold, dark part of his mind. Finally, Obi-Wan glanced over at him, a sidelong look that spoke of banked heat. Obi-Wan was still trying to be calm, Anakin could feel that, but underneath, desire was starting to burn.
Obi-Wan had already shown that he would allow Anakin’s touch, allow Anakin to steal a kiss. If he just managed to convince Obi-Wan that this was nothing like a distraction, nothing like a poison, but instead the next natural step in their relationship, then Obi-Wan wouldn’t be able to back away again.
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, his gaze seemingly trapped by the bared skin that was showing between the pieces of Anakin’s tunic. Anakin shifted back, leaning the back of his head against the wall, resting his shoulders on the pillow, letting the fabric fall further apart, reveling in the surge of longing that flooded into Obi-Wan. As he’d learnt in his relationship with Padmé, that feeling was a fire that only one thing could truly quench.
Anakin licked his lips, then let out a breathy little sigh, carefully peeking out from under his eyelashes to see Obi-Wan’s reaction. Obi-Wan’s lips were pressed together, a thin line that spoke of impatience, but he hadn't turned away.
“Anakin, didn’t you want to talk?” Obi-Wan asked, his voice lower and rougher than usual. He seemed to realize it, and cleared his throat, as though Anakin would believe that that had been the problem. “You aren’t talking.”
“Ah, I was just… getting comfortable,” Anakin said, lingering over each word. He slid his left hand onto his stomach, shivering even at his own touch, pushing the fabric out of the way, completely baring his chest and stomach. “Where were we?”
“You-you were ignoring me, like you normally do,” Obi-Wan said, voice tight with frustration. Anakin grinned lazily, lightly skimming his hand across his own skin.
“Oh, no, Master, I’ve been listening to every word,” Anakin said, slipping just the tip of a finger under the top of his pants. Anakin’s hips bucked slightly, and Obi-Wan’s gaze flickered between Anakin’s face and his hand. Anakin’s breath caught in his throat for a moment at the look in Obi-Wan’s eyes.
Anakin bit down on his lower lip so he could keep quiet, and let the moment play out. Something in the room was shifting, and Anakin relaxed slightly, his hand falling back down to the bed as he allowed himself to touch the Force as fully as possible – it was easier here, somehow. He’d been noticing that for a while, but it never felt as clear as it did right now. Something was about to happen.
“This is not who we are,” Obi-Wan said softly, pleadingly. Obi-Wan shifted further onto his bed, turning to more fully face Anakin, his expression troubled and sincere.
“It’s who I am,” Anakin said, and he felt the truth of his own words. “I’m not the Jedi I should be, we both know that.”
“No, Anakin. That’s not true,” Obi-Wan said, his brow furrowed earnestly. “You’re an exceptional Jedi. I am honored to know you.”
“No, I’m not. I’m not a Jedi at all,” Anakin said, meeting Obi-Wan’s eyes. “I did try, Obi-Wan. I tried so hard.”
“Maybe that’s the problem,” Obi-Wan said, slipping down to kneel in the small space between the beds, reaching out to take Anakin’s hand into his own. “You have to be willing to just exist, Anakin, to allow yourself to be caught up in the Force.”
“I can’t.” Anakin shook his head softly, his fingers curving around Obi-Wan’s hand.
“Why not?” Obi-Wan asked.
“Because it burns,” Anakin whispered, doing his best to control the sharp flickers already racing through him. “And if I let it loose, it will consume me.”
“Let it,” Obi-Wan said, his hand tightening on Anakin’s. “Anakin, you can’t go on like this. You are a Jedi, a very great one. This power was born inside you. However strong it is, you were made to hold it.”
Anakin let his eyelids slide closed, shivering as he let the leash on his control slip just a little. He felt warm, far too warm, and Obi-Wan’s hand on his was the only cool thing in the universe. Still, he kept his eyes closed, the Force rushing up against him. This was what Obi-Wan required of him, and... it was what the Force was asking, as well.
And now he could see his mother’s eyes, dark and empty, the scar on her cheek a silent scream of betrayal. He hadn’t been able to save her.
Anakin let out a shuddering breath, not letting himself pull back on the leash, allowing the image to remain. All he could see was his mother’s dead gaze, all he could smell was the filth of the Tusken camp, all he could hear were the death cries of the raiders as he slaughtered them, and his mouth tasted of tears and blood.
But he could feel Obi-Wan’s hand on his, anchoring him.
Slowly, the aching pain of his mother’s death seemed to be overshadowed by something different, something that he couldn’t place.
Her words to him rang out in his mind.
Now, I am complete.
“I don’t understand,” Anakin said, his eyes opening again, meeting Obi-Wan’s calm gaze.
“What don’t you understand?” Obi-Wan asked. With a sickening wrench, Anakin remembered that Obi-Wan didn’t know about the Tuskens. Didn’t know that Anakin was a monster already. “Anakin, talk to me.”
“I can’t,” Anakin said, sitting up and crossing his legs underneath himself, letting go of Obi-Wan’s hand. Obi-Wan moved up to sit on the bed, placing his hand on Anakin’s knee. “Don’t make me.”
“Anakin, I’m not forcing you into anything,” Obi-Wan said. “I only want to help.”
“Because I’m important to the Order?” Anakin asked challengingly. Obi-Wan glanced away, his expression conflicted.
“Because you’re important to me,” Obi-Wan said, softly. “You’re my friend.”
“Is that what I am?” Anakin asked, reaching his hand out to cover Obi-Wan’s where it lay on Anakin’s leg. “Is that the right word for what we are?”
Obi-Wan glanced back at him, thoughtfully and… there, Anakin finally felt the shift that he’d been waiting for. Obi-Wan had made a decision, something important.
“No, I don’t suppose that it is,” Obi-Wan said. His gaze dropped to Anakin’s lips, then flicked back up to meet Anakin’s eyes. Obi-Wan moved forward, slow and sure. Anakin closed his eyes, parting his lips slightly.
And Obi-Wan was kissing him, soft and certain, his tenderness pressing against Anakin in delicate, light waves.
Anakin relaxed into the kiss, the unfamiliar calm of true meditation washing over him. The Force still surged around him, but its fire had been banked, briefly transmuted into something gentler.
For this single moment in time, Anakin was at peace.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 08:25 am (UTC)*orgasm*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 08:49 am (UTC)Thank you.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 09:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 08:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 11:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 08:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 11:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 08:51 am (UTC)Loved Anakin trying to be seductive (not that he really needs to be) and Obi-Wan ultimately holding the power in the relationship. Padme, bless her, is something of an enabler--she is never quite able to discourage Anakin from his moments of homicidal anger. Obi-Wan, even without the Force, may fare better.
Obi-Wan has had the most success in the movies. That is, Anakin is generally only a murderous git when Obi-Wan's not around. At least until the very end.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 02:29 pm (UTC)Now, I am complete. So very telling, yet so baffling to Anakin.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 08:52 am (UTC)And yes, for Anakin, this concept of being 'complete' and finished and accepting your own death just Does Not Make Sense.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 02:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 08:53 am (UTC)I'm rather thrilled about it myself. Kissing! Yay!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 04:56 pm (UTC)First off, this feels like a believable progression of Obi-Wan and Anakin's relationship. This is how I think they'd act in the situation you've created.
Next, Anakin touching the Force. *insert a repeat of the HFG from above* This was awesome. It's the start of a talk that could have prevented everything, if only they'd swallowed their pride or whatever and just talked. Anakin's admission, "I'm not the Jedi I should be", was beautiful. He's finally said it to the one person who really needed to hear it. I think that having that statement confirmed by Obi-Wan is one of Anakin's greatest fears, and therefore he originally left it unsaid. In my opinion it was one of the few great lines in the movie and I love how you reuse it here.
I love the idea that Anakin is afraid of of the Force. Of it consuming him. It's a very real fear to him and maybe not one he's truly acknowledged before. It's an intriguing idea that I haven't really thought about from this angle before. It makes sense. I love that Anakin is afraid of it burning him, especially in light of what happened to him in the past/future.
I like that Obi-Wan is insisting that the Padme thing doesn't have to change anything between he and Anakin. I like that he bases 'nothing changing' on the Council remaining in the dark. He's skirting the issue, and I can't really tell if he's doing it on purpose or not. Great stuff.
Plus, you know, kissing.
Anakin relaxed into the kiss, the unfamiliar calm of true meditation washing over him. The Force still surged around him, but its fire had been banked, briefly transmuted into something gentler.
For this single moment in time, Anakin was at peace.
Love.
I love, love this. All of it. Overall, I think this is one of the best chapters. I don't have any complaints about it.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 08:58 am (UTC)Thank you!
First off, this feels like a believable progression of Obi-Wan and Anakin's relationship. This is how I think they'd act in the situation you've created.
What a completely lovely thing to say. Thank you.
I love the idea that Anakin is afraid of of the Force. Of it consuming him. It's a very real fear to him and maybe not one he's truly acknowledged before. It's an intriguing idea that I haven't really thought about from this angle before. It makes sense. I love that Anakin is afraid of it burning him, especially in light of what happened to him in the past/future.
I have to admit that the fire implications were very intentional. Because I'm kinda evil like that.
I like that Obi-Wan is insisting that the Padme thing doesn't have to change anything between he and Anakin. I like that he bases 'nothing changing' on the Council remaining in the dark. He's skirting the issue, and I can't really tell if he's doing it on purpose or not. Great stuff.
He really is. The Council isn't what matters in this moment to Anakin, but the question of whether or not Obi-Wan fully understands all the ramifications of that distinction is something that Anakin certainly wouldn't know.
Plus, you know, kissing.
One cannot forget the kissing! Hee.
I love, love this. All of it. Overall, I think this is one of the best chapters. I don't have any complaints about it.
Thank you.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 03:52 pm (UTC)Side question: Would you mind if I friended you?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-28 03:41 am (UTC)I really appreciate reader feedback -- it's my best way of gauging how well I've accomplished my goals, writing-wise. Plus, it gives me a warm, happy feeling.
Side question: Would you mind if I friended you?
I consider being friended to be very flattering. I may not be able to friend you back, though, as my flist eats me alive as it is.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 04:57 pm (UTC)Slowly, the aching pain of his mother’s death seemed to be overshadowed by something different, something that he couldn’t place.
Her words to him rang out in his mind.
Now, I am complete.
::blinks:: Wow. You have said so much about the Force and Anakin's relationship to it here. I love how Anakin feels like he can't lose himself in the Force because it is too much for him, and only succeeds when he has Obi-Wan as a focus. Plus, the double meaning you pack into "Now, I am complete" blows me away. I wonder if things would have been different if Anakin had had someone to focus him when he found his mother. If he had just been able to see past his own feelings, he would have been able to see what the Force was telling him.
The fact that kissing Obi-Wan makes Anakin be at peace is wondeful. He is actually balanced, for once.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 09:02 am (UTC)::blinks:: Wow. You have said so much about the Force and Anakin's relationship to it here. I love how Anakin feels like he can't lose himself in the Force because it is too much for him, and only succeeds when he has Obi-Wan as a focus. Plus, the double meaning you pack into "Now, I am complete" blows me away. I wonder if things would have been different if Anakin had had someone to focus him when he found his mother. If he had just been able to see past his own feelings, he would have been able to see what the Force was telling him.
I do think that it would have made some kind of difference, if Obi-Wan had been there -- for starters, Obi-Wan would never have let him go after his mother alone, would have followed him if Anakin tried to go alone.
It's certainly not a coincidence that Lucas makes sure that Obi-Wan is out of the way when Anakin commits his worst crimes (and it always sticks out to me that Anakin releases his Force-hold on Padme after Obi-Wan tells him to let her go).
The fact that kissing Obi-Wan makes Anakin be at peace is wondeful. He is actually balanced, for once.
And Anakin did need a little bit of peace, that's for sure.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 08:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 09:04 am (UTC)Oh this was wonderful. I love the way Anakin sealed off the room, I kept thinking wonderful predatory thoughts, and then it flipped over on me, and got so sweet and gentle and oy. *shudders* You are a wonderful storyteller.
I've glad that the shift came off -- it's very important for me to establish this tenderness now. So, yay, thank you.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 09:42 pm (UTC)And this whole chapter was so them. As always, I can't wait to see what happens next.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 09:05 am (UTC)I loved this tiny moment of peace that they share even though a good deal of it is Obi-Wan still not knowing everything that's been going on but still knowing more than he wants to in a way.
Yes, as Anakin points out, Obi-Wan still doesn't know the horrible thing that he's done already.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-25 11:00 pm (UTC)Anakin is, in a way, still running away. Sure he's found peace-- but by kissing Obi-Wan. When he submited himself entirely to the Force, Obi-Wan was his anchor. Anakin is still be dependent (just not on Padme this time around), is taking the easy way out.
All the bad is not with him, though. Obi-Wan is letting himself be swayed/seduced by Anakin and isn't pressing the Difficult Questions. I imagine he's off his game (ie, not as strict/sharp as before) because of a) his realization of the intensity of his feelings for Anakin and more importantly, b) being disconnected from the Force has harmed his balance/base of foundation. Perhaps also in the face of what the future has to hold, he doesn't the morals and principals he was adhering to where so great? An identity crisis? But, no, he's still resolutely a Jedi...
I'm also worried because of Luke's negative premonition from the previous chapter-- he's a sharp boy, and I trust his instincts. Though it's bad from only the future's point of view? Because if I'm wrong, and Anakin and Obi-Wan are doing the right thing in this chapter, then this means that Anakin will not make the same decisions he did, and that means that Luke and Leia may never even exist.
(Which as a reader gives me conflict; on the one hand I don't want Anakin to screw himself over! On the other, I want Luke and Leia to exist.)
Though, you know, with all that's happened, there is no way Obi-Wan and Anakin can go back to their timeline (memories intact) and do things the way they did in the original timeline.
By the way? Fabulous chapter. My heart was in my throat at several points. XD
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 09:11 am (UTC)Oh, yes, there really is a lot that hasn't been said yet. And even in this relative safety, there are things that Anakin doesn't feel safe enough to share, like, say, an incident of mass-murder.
Anakin is, in a way, still running away. Sure he's found peace-- but by kissing Obi-Wan. When he submited himself entirely to the Force, Obi-Wan was his anchor. Anakin is still be dependent (just not on Padme this time around), is taking the easy way out.
Little Mr. Codependent latching onto his one safe place in this unfamiliar reality. As long as he still needs another person to reach peace, he can't live in it.
All the bad is not with him, though. Obi-Wan is letting himself be swayed/seduced by Anakin and isn't pressing the Difficult Questions. I imagine he's off his game (ie, not as strict/sharp as before) because of a) his realization of the intensity of his feelings for Anakin and more importantly, b) being disconnected from the Force has harmed his balance/base of foundation. Perhaps also in the face of what the future has to hold, he doesn't the morals and principals he was adhering to where so great? An identity crisis? But, no, he's still resolutely a Jedi...
Yes, not being able to connect with the Force is something that Obi-Wan is still trying to get a handle on.
I'm also worried because of Luke's negative premonition from the previous chapter-- he's a sharp boy, and I trust his instincts.
Luke is a very bright guy.
By the way? Fabulous chapter. My heart was in my throat at several points.
Thank you! And thank you so much for the very detailed feedback.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 02:57 pm (UTC)Heee. Obi-Wan can be such a snarky brat when he's off-balance.
“Anakin, I don’t-that is, I’m not planning on telling the Council.”
Bad BAD move. Obi-Wan so wants Anakin to be Jedi, he keeps ignoring that Anakin just isn't good at lots of it.
“Because it burns,” Anakin whispered, doing his best to control the sharp flickers already racing through him. “And if I let it loose, it will consume me.
Oh, that's ominous. Anakin has a DESTINY, but that doesn't mean it's one anyone is looking forward to.
And at the end, Obi-Wan has done something very kind in the short-run, and likely to be disastrous in the long run. Ouchie.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-28 03:48 am (UTC)Heee. Obi-Wan can be such a snarky brat when he's off-balance.
And writing snarky Obi-Wan is so much fun.
Bad BAD move. Obi-Wan so wants Anakin to be Jedi, he keeps ignoring that Anakin just isn't good at lots of it.
Well, you know, he made a promise. And Anakin wants it. And while Obi-Wan should be able to see that those two reasons still don't actually make Anakin qualified, he... doesn't.
*pets Obi-Wan*
Oh, that's ominous. Anakin has a DESTINY, but that doesn't mean it's one anyone is looking forward to.
And at the end, Obi-Wan has done something very kind in the short-run, and likely to be disastrous in the long run. Ouchie.
Yeah, this hasn't solved anything -- Anakin is still the Chosen One, and that isn't sunlight and puppy-dogs.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-28 12:19 pm (UTC)I wanted to smack Qui-Gon (and later Obi-Wan and then the whole Jedi Council) for looking forward to the prophecy. When has prophecy predict good things for ANYONE?
Propehcy is like a cosmic warning "Trouble coming, batten down the hatches", and the best thing to do is *ignore* it and live your life without referring to it.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-29 08:43 pm (UTC)Hee, yes. Or at least stop being so 'yay!' about it. Do these people have no novels? Good news doesn't need to be foretold.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-29 09:13 pm (UTC)And yes, Qui-Gon being all 'yay! prophecy!' makes me wonder what he was smoking...
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 04:25 pm (UTC)I'm really curious to see how things will develop. Things could turn out either way so far:
On the negative side, there are Luke's premonitions.
Also Obi-Wan is effectively breaking the codes of the Jedi order.
Anakin is still dealing with issues of possessiveness and right now Obi-Wan is the center of his attention.
But there are also things on the positive side:
Anakin is finally not running away from his fears. That he relives the Tusken slaughter during his meditation and does not push away these images, that's a big step forward. That he hears his mother's words "Now I am complete." feels very meaningful to me. Perhaps he will finally realise that his mother was actually fulfilled when she died - because he was there for her.
And Anakin opens up to Obi-Wan about his fears. It's actually quite funny that he sets out to seduce Obi-Wan, but they then end up having a serious talk.
It's also interesting that it's Obi-Wan's decision to take the relationship one step further. Anakin pushed the issue beforehand, but in the end he actually retreats and it's Obi-Wan who takes the final step.
While Obi-Wan goes against the Jedi code, he also appears to find his heart. In the movie, I often have the impression that it would do Obi-Wan good to follow his heart and not always follow the code. (E.g. he should have trusted his judgment and refused to ask Anakin to spy on Palpatine. He should have insisted on either staying with Anakin instead of going of to Utapau alone or he should have asked for Anakin to accompany him. And in the end, he should not have followed Yoda's orders to kill Anakin; I think he might have reached Anakin by simply refusing to fight.)
By telling Anakin that he cares for him not because he's the Chosen One, but because he is his friend, Obi-Wan might actually gain Anakin's true trust. So far Anakin always has been very afraid to admit any mistake on his part, because he thinks that Obi-Wan will choose the codes of the Jedi over him. Now that Obi-Wan chooses Anakin over the Jedi code, he might be willing to open up more and e.g. talk about the Tusken slaughter.
Well, I want to be optimistic. After all, ROTS ends so tragically. So it would be nice to see your story end on a happier note. :-)
I'm still wondering why Anakin and Obi-Wan were moved into the future.
Two possibilities:
1) Luke and Leia are given the chance to meet their father. --> This doesn't strike me as the right explanation.
2) Anakin is given a second chance. --> Much more likely. This concept also works with Anakin keeping his connection to the Force while Obi-Wan is losing his Force power (temporarily). Anakin can only make certain necessary realization because he still feels the Force whereas Obi-Wan can follow his heart because his Force powers do not constantly remind him of his obligations to the Jedi.
Most interesting!
OMG - I just realised that I've written a huge amount of meta and not actually have given feedback. Well, I think the meta proves how thought-inspiring and fascinating your story is!
While reading this chapter I held my breath several times.
I love that Anakin manipulates technology with the Force.
I love how he tries to seduce Obi-Wan, because really - it's funny! He definitely doesn't need to do this. It's such a neat way of showing how insecure Anakin is that he feels he has to resort to overt seduction.
Obi-Wan helping Anakin with his meditation.
Anakin being afraid of the enormous Force power inside him.
And the kiss!
Just so much goodness in one single chapter! More soon? *hopeful look*
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-28 03:52 am (UTC)Thank you! (and so have I -- SW fandom gives the best feedback ever. Wow.)
OMG - I just realised that I've written a huge amount of meta and not actually have given feedback. Well, I think the meta proves how thought-inspiring and fascinating your story is!
I really appreciate it, too. I'm not going to say anything on the meta, as I don't want to be too clear about what's happening next, but suffice to say, you have very good points, definitely.
While reading this chapter I held my breath several times.
I love that Anakin manipulates technology with the Force.
I love how he tries to seduce Obi-Wan, because really - it's funny! He definitely doesn't need to do this. It's such a neat way of showing how insecure Anakin is that he feels he has to resort to overt seduction.
Obi-Wan helping Anakin with his meditation.
Anakin being afraid of the enormous Force power inside him.
And the kiss!
Just so much goodness in one single chapter! More soon? *hopeful look*
I love how Anakin's insecurity exists so close to his arrogance.
Thank you so much!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-28 10:00 am (UTC)I got even more optimistic after rereading chapter 28. At first I had thought that Luke's premonitions are ominous, but really they are neutral. He feels something will happen and he's not sure he'll like it, but he doesn't feel a sense of capital letter, capslock DOOM.
So my view is that he senses that something will happen between Obi-Wan and Anakin that will have influence, but he doesn't sense if that's bad or good.
It makes him uneasy, of course. And if he knew that his father and his mentor are entering a romantic/sexual relationship he would be deeply shocked:
Because Anakin is his confusing father (both dark and light in turns) and Luke wouldn't want to think about his father as a sexual being. And if by all means Anakin has to have sex it should be restricted to Luke's mother.
And Obi-Wan in Luke's mind is the ultimate celibate hermit, a kindly uncle who's at peace with himself.
So yes, Luke will be shocked if he finds out.
I've also realized that Luke is more shaded in your story than I first thought:
When reading "White Rabbits" you get at first the impression that Anakin is conflicted and possessive and Luke is calm and free of possessive urges. But in a way, Luke tries to win over Obi-Wan and keep him for himself just like his father. He's just less aggressive and more subtle about it - and most likely doesn't even see he's doing it.
(And it seems I can't be brief when commenting on your story.)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-29 08:42 pm (UTC)Hee. capital letter, capslock DOOM. I love that.
So my view is that he senses that something will happen between Obi-Wan and Anakin that will have influence, but he doesn't sense if that's bad or good.
It makes him uneasy, of course. And if he knew that his father and his mentor are entering a romantic/sexual relationship he would be deeply shocked:
Because Anakin is his confusing father (both dark and light in turns) and Luke wouldn't want to think about his father as a sexual being. And if by all means Anakin has to have sex it should be restricted to Luke's mother.
And Obi-Wan in Luke's mind is the ultimate celibate hermit, a kindly uncle who's at peace with himself.
So yes, Luke will be shocked if he finds out.
Yes. Just. Yes.
I've also realized that Luke is more shaded in your story than I first thought:
When reading "White Rabbits" you get at first the impression that Anakin is conflicted and possessive and Luke is calm and free of possessive urges. But in a way, Luke tries to win over Obi-Wan and keep him for himself just like his father. He's just less aggressive and more subtle about it - and most likely doesn't even see he's doing it.
And Anakin is obvious enough to crowd out just about anybody else. Everyone is subtle compared to Anakin!
(And it seems I can't be brief when commenting on your story.)
Hee, the lengthy response thrills me so much, I can't even say. So much. Thank you.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-29 09:43 pm (UTC)LOL! Yeah, very true. Anakin's directness about everything is something that endears him to me. He is not good with lying (though he can keep secrets). And he has this intense need to make his feelings known. If he loves someone, he needs to say it. Which takes a lot of courage, if you think about it.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-01 08:36 pm (UTC)Agreed, yes. Anakin is very brave in a lot of ways, I think. He's willing to make himself emotionally vulnerable by saying, "yeah, I care about you,". I admire that part of him.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 05:12 pm (UTC)Have just started Farscape viewing--fun! Thanks again for the tapes.
I saw the Buffy/Xander icons Mary made, and thought of you:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/thefakeheadline/211300.html#cutid1
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-28 03:54 am (UTC)And thanks -- I have no clue when the fic will be finished, though. I've never written an actual complicated plot before, it's fascinating how much space it takes up.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-26 10:38 pm (UTC)Their whole conversation about Anakins shortcomings as a Jedi and his fears about the force was intense and heartbreaking. I can't help it but feel for him and love him like Obi-Wan despite his flaws. But Obi-Wan seemed to be a bit too much in denial about Anakins faults, he just doesn't want to see them. I hope this doesn't make it more difficult to Anakin to open up further (the Tusken). Anakins thought, that he already sees himself as a monster nearly made me tear up.
After this chapter I needed the moment of peace as much as they did. ;)
And although I fear that this step in their relationship might have serious consequences I can't help but get excited. I just love them together. They way you made this so tender was especially moving.
I once commented before on your story and said it's one of my favorite Star Wars stories I've read so far. Well, it's now my favorite by far. :D
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful piece.
Mim
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-28 03:58 am (UTC)Thank you, Mim.
Their whole conversation about Anakins shortcomings as a Jedi and his fears about the force was intense and heartbreaking. I can't help it but feel for him and love him like Obi-Wan despite his flaws. But Obi-Wan seemed to be a bit too much in denial about Anakins faults, he just doesn't want to see them. I hope this doesn't make it more difficult to Anakin to open up further (the Tusken). Anakins thought, that he already sees himself as a monster nearly made me tear up.
I know -- they have such a complicated relationship and are such complicated, flawed, lovely people.
After this chapter I needed the moment of peace as much as they did. ;)
I'm really glad that it worked for you.
And although I fear that this step in their relationship might have serious consequences I can't help but get excited. I just love them together. They way you made this so tender was especially moving.
Thank you. I really love them together, too. They really do have a wonderful regard for each other, and a very deep respect. They just don't fully understand each other.
I once commented before on your story and said it's one of my favorite Star Wars stories I've read so far. Well, it's now my favorite by far. :D
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful piece.
Wow, thank you so much. I hope that you continue to enjoy the story.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-27 12:18 am (UTC)2 chapters?? 2 chapters?? *dies*
<3333
You are love
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-28 03:58 am (UTC)re: Fic: White Rabbits (Star Wars, 28: Alchemy
Date: 2006-03-16 06:13 am (UTC)Anakin thinks he's one hot seducer. LOL! Well, actually he didn't do so bad. I'm sure we've all seen/heard worse.
Not what Anakin himself would have given out to guests, but it matched the rest of the building.
He must be thinking of what Padme would give out? The Jedi temple is a beautiful building, but since we see little of the private rooms, it's difficult to say what a guest room might be like--perhaps more plush and colourful than a typical apt. of a Jedi.
They certainly didn’t seem to prize comfort or color in this new Republic. And Anakin was beginning to wonder if he’d ever see anything that made this future seem at all desirable. Everything so far just made him think that everyone would be better off if he and Obi-Wan could manage to fix things.
They just needed to figure out how to do that.
First sentence harks back to what I mentioned in an earlier comment about plushy decadence and stark non-decadence. Anakin hasn't seen anything. He doesn't know what's going on. And even though the events of the OT and the twenty years before it aren't the best of times, not by a long shot, people did live during the Empire's sway, and those people indeed might want things to have been better, but who's to say that any interference in trying to change the past wouldn't just cause things to be worse? Yes, they could be better, but the laws of probability say they might not.
*snort* Yeah, Anakin, you and Obi-Wan just do just that. Fix things. You could break things worse, too. Yes, Anakin is a fixer, but I am not sure that repairing the past isn't beyond the ability of anyone to "fix".
What Anakin does to the cameras and the door just stuns me. That's awesome, and he does it the way you or I would just breathe.
Interesting how Anakin wants to talk, and Obi-Wan doesn't. Do I heard a little Queen of Denial here? If he igores what Anakin and Padme have, he can also ignore what's between him and Anakin. A silly, useless, and dangerous game. Even Anakin knows that. *evil grin*
Anakin licked his lips, then let out a breathy little sigh, carefully peeking out from under his eyelashes to see Obi-Wan’s reaction.
So typical Anakin. I didn't know whether to sigh or laugh. ;)
But then, there's this:
“Oh, no, Master, I’ve been listening to every word,” Anakin said, slipping just the tip of a finger under the top of his pants. Anakin’s hips bucked slightly, and Obi-Wan’s gaze flickered between Anakin’s face and his hand. Anakin’s breath caught in his throat for a moment at the look in Obi-Wan’s eyes.
Dang. That's hot. Can I cut me off a piece of that?
he allowed himself to touch the Force as fully as possible – it was easier here, somehow. He’d been noticing that for a while, but it never felt as clear as it did right now.
Fascinating. There is no shroud of the Dark Side to impede Light-Side Force-users.
“Because it burns,” Anakin whispered, doing his best to control the sharp flickers already racing through him. “And if I let it loose, it will consume me.”
Fire imagery again. And I think you've hit on the crux of the problem: Anakin, probably because of his slave upbringing, wants to be in control of everything, including the Force.
The vision of the Sandpeople camp at that particular moment is chilling, for many reasons.
Anakin relaxed into the kiss, the unfamiliar calm of true meditation washing over him. The Force still surged around him, but its fire had been banked, briefly transmuted into something gentler.
For this single moment in time, Anakin was at peace.
Wonderful way to end this chapter.
And all those lines or echoes of lines from RotS are evocative and chilling.
Re: Fic: White Rabbits (Star Wars, 28: Alchemy
Date: 2006-04-07 07:50 am (UTC)He just tries too hard, dear thing (which is Anakin in a nutshell, really).
What Anakin does to the cameras and the door just stuns me. That's awesome, and he does it the way you or I would just breathe.
I love being able to do 'ha! Chosen one!' power type stuff. Because part of my love for the Jedi of the series is just the 'oh, cool' factor.
Fire imagery again. And I think you've hit on the crux of the problem: Anakin, probably because of his slave upbringing, wants to be in control of everything, including the Force.
He has quite a lot of fear.
For this single moment in time, Anakin was at peace.
Wonderful way to end this chapter.
Thank you.