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butterflyThe worst benefit concert ever? Salon.com thinks so. And they are snarky about it.
There is much reason for hope early on for the show. After all, it is billed as the first time the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync ever shared a stage -- unless you count the Super Bowl. It is the first time Michael Jackson has performed since ... well, there was the MTV Video Music Awards, and a couple of shows before Sept. 11. It is the first time Mariah Carey has performed since her various breakdowns and her unrelated crappy movie was released. It is the first time I had ever seen any of the above in concert, but only because I don't get out much.
James Brown's mike is silent for the first half of "Living in America." Maybe he just isn't singing, but I doubt it. No one sweats that much mutely lip-syncing.
The pre-taped audio track for pre-teen C&W sprite Billy Gillman gives out midway though his single "Down Here on Earth." The kid soldiers on, and gives one of the best performances of the entire event.
There is a pixel problem on the Jumbotron. It distorts the logo for the concert, making it "Unit We Stand." Various immature people in my row find this quite amusing. OK, only me.
Long after fan-base bedtimes, 'N Sync finally performs. The mass exodus upon its last number looks like a refugee crisis out of Khandahar. Stamos encourages the rest of us to stay. To be on the safe side, he records a "Thanks, good night!" for the cameras, while there is still enough crowd to cheer.
J.C. of 'N Sync: Heart-shaped flag T-shirt. Makes him look like a patriotic Care Bear. He looked less silly than I would have, but still quite silly.
The waits continued, the show seemingly lasting forever. Most of the performers have to enroll their kids in the D.C. school system. Rod Stewart is now a naturalized U.S. citizen. Whomever you came with you're now legally married to. DMV employees in the audience have gotten impatient and left.
In the bleachers, people have swiped toilet paper rolls from the bathroom, and are flinging them into the crowd. Hunger has devolved us. Soon, we'll be rendered into Michael Jackson-craving monkeys, slinging our feces to and fro.
The earth slows. The molten core of the planet cools. Glaciers spread, then melt. Mountains crumble. Seas rise, then fall. Some future evolved species, maybe the dogs, will happen upon the ruins of the stadium. They will find us all frozen, yet still plaintively awaiting word from John Stamos saying we can go home.
Now, it may be mean to boo a woman suffering from depression. At a benefit show. But then again, it's a benefit show, and we are there to support terror victims, not Mariah's new CD. The "Glitter" logos lighting the Jumbotron seem cheap and crass, like advertising at a wake.
A quick observation. At some point, a woman runs up onto the stage and grabs Michael, hugging him, and screams "I love you" over and over to his face -- you don't have to be a lip reader to see those words. It seems like minutes before security notices and pulls her off. Through it all, a showbiz trooper, M.J. keeps singing, and doesn't miss one note.
But there's the problem. At several points, the crazed fan's face is closer to the mike than M.J.'s mouth. Yet we never hear her voice, we only hear Michael. Maybe she is just mouthing the words, respectfully, so as not to ruin the song! Maybe the ever-alert audio crew -- folks I wouldn't trust to press play on a tape recorder -- are able to mix her out of the sound on the fly!
Or maybe M.J. is lip-syncing. I doubt we'll ever know.
Someone has to discourage the use of the U.S. flag as a prop by musicians until they attend some kind of seminar in Not Desecrating the U.S. Flag for Dummies.
There is much reason for hope early on for the show. After all, it is billed as the first time the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync ever shared a stage -- unless you count the Super Bowl. It is the first time Michael Jackson has performed since ... well, there was the MTV Video Music Awards, and a couple of shows before Sept. 11. It is the first time Mariah Carey has performed since her various breakdowns and her unrelated crappy movie was released. It is the first time I had ever seen any of the above in concert, but only because I don't get out much.
James Brown's mike is silent for the first half of "Living in America." Maybe he just isn't singing, but I doubt it. No one sweats that much mutely lip-syncing.
The pre-taped audio track for pre-teen C&W sprite Billy Gillman gives out midway though his single "Down Here on Earth." The kid soldiers on, and gives one of the best performances of the entire event.
There is a pixel problem on the Jumbotron. It distorts the logo for the concert, making it "Unit We Stand." Various immature people in my row find this quite amusing. OK, only me.
Long after fan-base bedtimes, 'N Sync finally performs. The mass exodus upon its last number looks like a refugee crisis out of Khandahar. Stamos encourages the rest of us to stay. To be on the safe side, he records a "Thanks, good night!" for the cameras, while there is still enough crowd to cheer.
J.C. of 'N Sync: Heart-shaped flag T-shirt. Makes him look like a patriotic Care Bear. He looked less silly than I would have, but still quite silly.
The waits continued, the show seemingly lasting forever. Most of the performers have to enroll their kids in the D.C. school system. Rod Stewart is now a naturalized U.S. citizen. Whomever you came with you're now legally married to. DMV employees in the audience have gotten impatient and left.
In the bleachers, people have swiped toilet paper rolls from the bathroom, and are flinging them into the crowd. Hunger has devolved us. Soon, we'll be rendered into Michael Jackson-craving monkeys, slinging our feces to and fro.
The earth slows. The molten core of the planet cools. Glaciers spread, then melt. Mountains crumble. Seas rise, then fall. Some future evolved species, maybe the dogs, will happen upon the ruins of the stadium. They will find us all frozen, yet still plaintively awaiting word from John Stamos saying we can go home.
Now, it may be mean to boo a woman suffering from depression. At a benefit show. But then again, it's a benefit show, and we are there to support terror victims, not Mariah's new CD. The "Glitter" logos lighting the Jumbotron seem cheap and crass, like advertising at a wake.
A quick observation. At some point, a woman runs up onto the stage and grabs Michael, hugging him, and screams "I love you" over and over to his face -- you don't have to be a lip reader to see those words. It seems like minutes before security notices and pulls her off. Through it all, a showbiz trooper, M.J. keeps singing, and doesn't miss one note.
But there's the problem. At several points, the crazed fan's face is closer to the mike than M.J.'s mouth. Yet we never hear her voice, we only hear Michael. Maybe she is just mouthing the words, respectfully, so as not to ruin the song! Maybe the ever-alert audio crew -- folks I wouldn't trust to press play on a tape recorder -- are able to mix her out of the sound on the fly!
Or maybe M.J. is lip-syncing. I doubt we'll ever know.
Someone has to discourage the use of the U.S. flag as a prop by musicians until they attend some kind of seminar in Not Desecrating the U.S. Flag for Dummies.