MBTV and other things.
Oct. 20th, 2001 04:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflyWoo! Popstars is back. And I am so happy because this means that I get to read Pamie's recaps. Yes!
Another girl cries and tells us, "He said, 'Less is more.' And I can't do less!" Hee. She's all offended because she can't be any less than she is. She is simply all that and can't be any less than that. Hysterical.
The "best people" are represented by one woman who kicks her leg so high I can see into her vagina, and a boy in cornrows who points to himself and sing-songs that he's going to be a Popstar.
A real shot to become a laughingstock or a mediocre manufactured boy-girl band in a world that wants another manufactured pop group like they want another album by Enya." ['That's the second time you've dissed Enya in a recap this month. She's going to find you and kick your ass new-age style." -- Wing Chun]
Tony Michaels looks like Travis, but without any of the fun (so far). He's a choreographer, and he's worked with J. Lo on her "Play" video. They say he choreographed the *NSYNC No Strings Attached tour. I thought that kid Wayne did that. Oh, well. Lance Bass comes on my screen now and says something about Tony, but I can't hear what he's saying because LANCE IS SO DREAMY AND HE'S TOTALLY HOT WOOOOOOOOOOO!
The narrator tells us that Crapcock wrote tracks that won't be released from *NSYNC's Celebrity, something Britney did that we never have heard of, and something that we'll never hear on the upcoming Michael Jackson album.
Jaymes tells the group waiting to audition that if they don't think they're as good as the girls of Eden's Crush, they should leave right now. Nobody moves. "We did not teach them to dance," Jaymes admits. "We did not teach them to sing." No shit.
"All-American" Dorothy calls her mother and explains in perfect Polish that she made it to the callbacks. Hysterical.
Y'all. Christopher Crevatas, twenty-five, from Ringwood, New Jersey is not kidding the fuck around, here. He starts screaming out the words to "I Wanna Know" and rips open his shirt. Everyone laughs but he's lost in his boy-band glow. Hysterical. His voice is all over the place and it's like Just Jack finally got his audition.
Okay. The entire hour has been for this moment right here. Tyrregginald Harris, twenty-four, from Chicago, IL. It's as if he let me make up his name, isn't it? Tyrregginald is wearing a big ol' red sweatshirt and acid-washed black jeans. He tries to sing a song, but he forgets the words. He takes a second and starts again. He stops. It's an uncomfortable silence. Tyrrreggggginnnalldldld stands there long enough for us to go, "Uh," when all of a sudden he starts moving like electric currents are shooting through his body. Please, Hammer, don't hurt 'em! He's moving back and forth, wiggling around, freaking the hell out. Tony's like, "What the hell is that guy doing?" And then all of a sudden, as quickly as it started, Tyrerreggidggdindadsdlldldd stops moving, bends backwards and starts moving his arms through the air like he's in The Matrix. I watched it nine times. It never, ever, ever stops being funny. The best is while he's freaking out all dancing around, there's one girl in the audience all, "Woo!" and you know she turned and was like, "That's my baby, right there!" Man. I'm gonna rewind and watch it again. Hold on. Fuck, that's funny. Jaymes all off-camera all, "Thank you." Hee. Heeeeeeeee. Tyrrrregggggginnnnnnnallllllllddddddddd, you so crazy.
A man fills the camera, going, "I'm very, very nervous!" He points and wiggles his head and goes, "But that's okay, because I'm singing 'Bye, Bye, Bye'!" The narrator informs us that this is Brandon Durand, nineteen, from Cypress, California, and he met his girlfriend Britteny Cole at an audition. That's right, they said "girlfriend." Brandon is a very good actor. Both Brandon and Britteny are auditioning today. Brandon is nineteen like I'm seven, by the way. He starts beatboxing in front of the judges and goes into his best Justin. His voice is shitty and way too scratchy, but he can dance. Jaymes is happy to have found a dancer, and they call him back. Aren't these supposed to be the damn vocal auditions? No fair! There's a guy in the back who looks like Ray Romano, and he's all sneering at Brandon like, "No! That's no good! You can't dance! You're a cheater! No! This is awful! I didn't dance! Who said we could dance?"
Ryan Champion, twenty-three from West Linn, Oregon, can sing. He's blond. Nothing fancy. Jaymes wants Brandon even though she knows he can't sing. "You can't have it all," she says. "Yes, you can," says Crapcock. "Yes, you can," Jaymes argues with nobody.
Josh Henderson's girlfriend Morgan Dunham found out about the auditions and then booked a flight to San Francisco the next day for her boyfriend to audition. Josh never says a word and looks off to the right as Morgan explains to us, "I think that Josh has the talent and the potential and the heart for all of this and I think that if this isn't for him there's something else out there and I think that he's gonna put everything he has into everything he does." Okay, first of all, Morgan? You said nothing there. Not one thing. And secondly, let Josh say something. Josh sings some *NSYNC and he's really pretty so they call him back. He tells us that his friends and family are going to be very happy about this. Poor Josh, with no opinions or dreams of his own.
The narrator: "Texas girl Kimberly Caldwell thought she had the perfect family until her parents split up." Heh. The second part of that sentence is funny, but also, there are probably nine hundred girls in Texas named Kim Caldwell. This one blonde does look kind of familiar, though. She tells us that she wants to become rich and famous so she can buy her mom a house. Her mom looks tired of giving blowjobs in trailers and admits she'd like to have a house bought by Kim as well. She wants to be fed grapes. Damn if these ladies don't look familiar. Well, there you go. In the ultimate shout-out, Kim is from Katy, TX, home of Clint Black, Renee Zellweger, and your very own Pamie. Janeane Garofalo was there for a year as well. This says Kim's nineteen, but I'm not buying it. I'll check my yearbooks. Hold on....Well, she either has a sister named Megan, or she went to my rival high school, or she went to school with my little sister. In any event, this girl looks really familiar. Not that I live in white trash. Damn. I dug my own hole on that one, didn't I? Calling her mama a whore and then being all, "Shout-out! Hey, neighbor! Our mamas work the same circuit!" Have you ever made a joke that ended up with you calling your own mother a whore? It doesn't make you feel good. Moving on.
Another girl cries and tells us, "He said, 'Less is more.' And I can't do less!" Hee. She's all offended because she can't be any less than she is. She is simply all that and can't be any less than that. Hysterical.
The "best people" are represented by one woman who kicks her leg so high I can see into her vagina, and a boy in cornrows who points to himself and sing-songs that he's going to be a Popstar.
A real shot to become a laughingstock or a mediocre manufactured boy-girl band in a world that wants another manufactured pop group like they want another album by Enya." ['That's the second time you've dissed Enya in a recap this month. She's going to find you and kick your ass new-age style." -- Wing Chun]
Tony Michaels looks like Travis, but without any of the fun (so far). He's a choreographer, and he's worked with J. Lo on her "Play" video. They say he choreographed the *NSYNC No Strings Attached tour. I thought that kid Wayne did that. Oh, well. Lance Bass comes on my screen now and says something about Tony, but I can't hear what he's saying because LANCE IS SO DREAMY AND HE'S TOTALLY HOT WOOOOOOOOOOO!
The narrator tells us that Crapcock wrote tracks that won't be released from *NSYNC's Celebrity, something Britney did that we never have heard of, and something that we'll never hear on the upcoming Michael Jackson album.
Jaymes tells the group waiting to audition that if they don't think they're as good as the girls of Eden's Crush, they should leave right now. Nobody moves. "We did not teach them to dance," Jaymes admits. "We did not teach them to sing." No shit.
"All-American" Dorothy calls her mother and explains in perfect Polish that she made it to the callbacks. Hysterical.
Y'all. Christopher Crevatas, twenty-five, from Ringwood, New Jersey is not kidding the fuck around, here. He starts screaming out the words to "I Wanna Know" and rips open his shirt. Everyone laughs but he's lost in his boy-band glow. Hysterical. His voice is all over the place and it's like Just Jack finally got his audition.
Okay. The entire hour has been for this moment right here. Tyrregginald Harris, twenty-four, from Chicago, IL. It's as if he let me make up his name, isn't it? Tyrregginald is wearing a big ol' red sweatshirt and acid-washed black jeans. He tries to sing a song, but he forgets the words. He takes a second and starts again. He stops. It's an uncomfortable silence. Tyrrreggggginnnalldldld stands there long enough for us to go, "Uh," when all of a sudden he starts moving like electric currents are shooting through his body. Please, Hammer, don't hurt 'em! He's moving back and forth, wiggling around, freaking the hell out. Tony's like, "What the hell is that guy doing?" And then all of a sudden, as quickly as it started, Tyrerreggidggdindadsdlldldd stops moving, bends backwards and starts moving his arms through the air like he's in The Matrix. I watched it nine times. It never, ever, ever stops being funny. The best is while he's freaking out all dancing around, there's one girl in the audience all, "Woo!" and you know she turned and was like, "That's my baby, right there!" Man. I'm gonna rewind and watch it again. Hold on. Fuck, that's funny. Jaymes all off-camera all, "Thank you." Hee. Heeeeeeeee. Tyrrrregggggginnnnnnnallllllllddddddddd, you so crazy.
A man fills the camera, going, "I'm very, very nervous!" He points and wiggles his head and goes, "But that's okay, because I'm singing 'Bye, Bye, Bye'!" The narrator informs us that this is Brandon Durand, nineteen, from Cypress, California, and he met his girlfriend Britteny Cole at an audition. That's right, they said "girlfriend." Brandon is a very good actor. Both Brandon and Britteny are auditioning today. Brandon is nineteen like I'm seven, by the way. He starts beatboxing in front of the judges and goes into his best Justin. His voice is shitty and way too scratchy, but he can dance. Jaymes is happy to have found a dancer, and they call him back. Aren't these supposed to be the damn vocal auditions? No fair! There's a guy in the back who looks like Ray Romano, and he's all sneering at Brandon like, "No! That's no good! You can't dance! You're a cheater! No! This is awful! I didn't dance! Who said we could dance?"
Ryan Champion, twenty-three from West Linn, Oregon, can sing. He's blond. Nothing fancy. Jaymes wants Brandon even though she knows he can't sing. "You can't have it all," she says. "Yes, you can," says Crapcock. "Yes, you can," Jaymes argues with nobody.
Josh Henderson's girlfriend Morgan Dunham found out about the auditions and then booked a flight to San Francisco the next day for her boyfriend to audition. Josh never says a word and looks off to the right as Morgan explains to us, "I think that Josh has the talent and the potential and the heart for all of this and I think that if this isn't for him there's something else out there and I think that he's gonna put everything he has into everything he does." Okay, first of all, Morgan? You said nothing there. Not one thing. And secondly, let Josh say something. Josh sings some *NSYNC and he's really pretty so they call him back. He tells us that his friends and family are going to be very happy about this. Poor Josh, with no opinions or dreams of his own.
The narrator: "Texas girl Kimberly Caldwell thought she had the perfect family until her parents split up." Heh. The second part of that sentence is funny, but also, there are probably nine hundred girls in Texas named Kim Caldwell. This one blonde does look kind of familiar, though. She tells us that she wants to become rich and famous so she can buy her mom a house. Her mom looks tired of giving blowjobs in trailers and admits she'd like to have a house bought by Kim as well. She wants to be fed grapes. Damn if these ladies don't look familiar. Well, there you go. In the ultimate shout-out, Kim is from Katy, TX, home of Clint Black, Renee Zellweger, and your very own Pamie. Janeane Garofalo was there for a year as well. This says Kim's nineteen, but I'm not buying it. I'll check my yearbooks. Hold on....Well, she either has a sister named Megan, or she went to my rival high school, or she went to school with my little sister. In any event, this girl looks really familiar. Not that I live in white trash. Damn. I dug my own hole on that one, didn't I? Calling her mama a whore and then being all, "Shout-out! Hey, neighbor! Our mamas work the same circuit!" Have you ever made a joke that ended up with you calling your own mother a whore? It doesn't make you feel good. Moving on.
