Sometimes...

[butterfly]

I wonder where I would be if I hadn't found this. Found Buffy. Found *NSYNC. Found LJ. Found MBTV.

They're such a big part of my life. Sometimes the only good part.

I wonder if I'd be the kind of fan who would cry at a concert. I've never been, so I don't know. I think that I would. If only because of how much they're given me, how many doors loving *NSYNC has opened.

When I listen to *NSYNC, when I watch Buffy, when I hang around here or on the forums, I never feel the need to cut. Because I cut to be real and to be alive and when I'm doing those things, I feel real. I feel connected. I don't need the blood to prove that I'm alive when I'm doing something I love.

So, sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I didn't have that. But not too hard. Because I don't want to imagine that world.

Comments

[cranky-girl.livejournal.com]

I never thought I'd ever cry at a concert. Well, I did once but it was because I was dumb and drunk and got in the pit and got kicked in the head. Ouch.

But I think I just might cry at *NSYNC. I could see getting worked up enough. I dunno. I did cry at Weezer a couple of weeks ago. Came completely out of the blue. I was just so into it. I'd gone to the concert alone and was intensely focused on the music and just feeling it in a way I haven't in a long time. And them, boom, I was crying. At Weezer! So sure, I could probably cry at *NSYNC but it would definitely be like an esctatic, laughing kind of crying.

Re:

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Yeah, happy crying.