Snippet: Not Stupid
Mar. 6th, 2002 11:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butterflyYou know. I just. I can't not put them together. It seems to be impossible for me to do.
Not Stupid
"I love you."
After a few seconds of silence, Lance cautiously added, "As a good friend."
"No. Well, I mean, yes, I do, but..." Justin paused, looking anywhere but at Lance. It was actually a pretty nice room, for a hotel. The paintings were calm and tranquil landscapes and the room was a nice shade of light blue. All things considered, he could just stare at it forever, or until they had to leave. But maybe he should get off the bed. Because Lance would probably take this whole sitting on the bed the wrong way. But standing up might spook Lance more than he already was and why the hell had he said anything? Obviously, it was a stupid, stupid idea. Idiotic. No, worse than that. It was so dumb that he would need a dictionary to fully describe the utter stupidity that he was showing.
"Oh." The gentle almost-sigh made Justin glance over at Lance, where he tried to figure out what Lance was thinking. Lance's expression clearly showed that he was thinking, probably very deeply, but it didn't give Justin a clue about how Lance felt.
He looked away again, fixing his attention on the curtains this time. They were nice, shimmery and soft. Very pretty. A pale and not very distracting shade of white.
A few more minutes passed in silence, allowing Justin another opportunity to curse himself out for his horrible sense of timing and enormous idiocy.
"I should. Go back to my own room." And he knew that he sounded like he was about to cry, but that was better than actually breaking down in tears, which might happen any minute now.
There was a soft sigh from Lance, but this time he resisted the urge to look over. He bit his lip, trying to figure out how he could leave when he didn't think that he could move. Which was probably just him being stupid and melodramatic, but he still didn't think that he could.
"Oh. Justin." Lance was sitting down next to him, an arm going around his back. And now he was crying, huge racking sobs that shook both of them. Lance's voice was calm and sweet, pulling him out of his misery. "I was just a little shocked, darlin'. Shh."
"You don't..." He hiccuped, trying to stop the tears. "You don't hate me? That's why I never. Because you always said that it's stupid. It's stupid when people who are in a group get involved."
"I still think that, Just." Lance's voice was slow, soothing even as the words made him well up again. "But I think that knowing that from the beginning might make a difference."
"You mean..." And Justin winced when he heard the hope in his own voice. "You mean that you'd be willing to try?"
"I think..." Another pause that made Justin feel like running back to his room. Instead, he turned to the side and looked directly at Lance, meeting his eyes for the first time since he'd made his annoucement. There was fear in Lance's eyes, yes, but also hope and affection and something that could be love, someday.
"I think that I'd like to try us."
Justin smiled a little. Maybe telling Lance hadn't been so stupid after all.
Not Stupid
"I love you."
After a few seconds of silence, Lance cautiously added, "As a good friend."
"No. Well, I mean, yes, I do, but..." Justin paused, looking anywhere but at Lance. It was actually a pretty nice room, for a hotel. The paintings were calm and tranquil landscapes and the room was a nice shade of light blue. All things considered, he could just stare at it forever, or until they had to leave. But maybe he should get off the bed. Because Lance would probably take this whole sitting on the bed the wrong way. But standing up might spook Lance more than he already was and why the hell had he said anything? Obviously, it was a stupid, stupid idea. Idiotic. No, worse than that. It was so dumb that he would need a dictionary to fully describe the utter stupidity that he was showing.
"Oh." The gentle almost-sigh made Justin glance over at Lance, where he tried to figure out what Lance was thinking. Lance's expression clearly showed that he was thinking, probably very deeply, but it didn't give Justin a clue about how Lance felt.
He looked away again, fixing his attention on the curtains this time. They were nice, shimmery and soft. Very pretty. A pale and not very distracting shade of white.
A few more minutes passed in silence, allowing Justin another opportunity to curse himself out for his horrible sense of timing and enormous idiocy.
"I should. Go back to my own room." And he knew that he sounded like he was about to cry, but that was better than actually breaking down in tears, which might happen any minute now.
There was a soft sigh from Lance, but this time he resisted the urge to look over. He bit his lip, trying to figure out how he could leave when he didn't think that he could move. Which was probably just him being stupid and melodramatic, but he still didn't think that he could.
"Oh. Justin." Lance was sitting down next to him, an arm going around his back. And now he was crying, huge racking sobs that shook both of them. Lance's voice was calm and sweet, pulling him out of his misery. "I was just a little shocked, darlin'. Shh."
"You don't..." He hiccuped, trying to stop the tears. "You don't hate me? That's why I never. Because you always said that it's stupid. It's stupid when people who are in a group get involved."
"I still think that, Just." Lance's voice was slow, soothing even as the words made him well up again. "But I think that knowing that from the beginning might make a difference."
"You mean..." And Justin winced when he heard the hope in his own voice. "You mean that you'd be willing to try?"
"I think..." Another pause that made Justin feel like running back to his room. Instead, he turned to the side and looked directly at Lance, meeting his eyes for the first time since he'd made his annoucement. There was fear in Lance's eyes, yes, but also hope and affection and something that could be love, someday.
"I think that I'd like to try us."
Justin smiled a little. Maybe telling Lance hadn't been so stupid after all.