I'm thinking of coming out to my dad this weekend.

[butterfly]

Dude.

I mean. What do I say? Specifically.

I'm thinking of going with, "Oh, hey, dad, I'm queer."

Because I'm not straight-out gay, but I don't want to bring in the confusion of saying 'Bi'.

Thoughts?

Plus, I do like the word.

Comments

[silviakundera.livejournal.com]

Just, like, say, "Hey, there's something I want to talk to you about..." And maybe just say something like, "Just wanted you to know, in advance, in case, that I may very well end up dating a girl someday. I still like boys, but I've realized that I like girls too."

Just lay it out on the table. Act confident and like it's not a big deal.

Re:

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Ooo. That's good.

Thank you.

[dine.livejournal.com]

I like the word "queer" as well, but it's a little strong for the opening statement. Plus, it's normally associated with "gay" and if that's not the impression you want to give him, maybe starting as Silvia suggested works better. You can always explain how you don't like "bi" as a label, and tell him you identify as "queer" later on, when discussing it with him.

[artemisecstasy.livejournal.com]

Hee! You can always do what I did and go to the bookstore with him and ask him if he'll buy you a copy of Closer to Home: Bisexuality and Feminism. Yeah, I don't find it easy having The Big Talks with my dad. It was easy to just come out to my mom though.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Gah. That's a tough one. (Hi, this will be my understatement of the week.)

When I came out to my dad (as bi), I said bi; I explained it all, I talked about why I was telling him, and why I was telling him /then/. He understood it fine, he just... didn't like it. (He still doesn't. My /mom/ went to Pride, once. (Or, rather, she "stopped by after work, since it was right down the street." Which equates to the same thing.))

Honestly, a lot of folks /still/ see "queer" as offensive, and while I don't know your dad and your relationship with him and all that, you might not want to use a word that'll have you in a hole from the beginning. This is (probably) going to require a lot of talking anyway, so while queer would be a shortcut, I don't know if it's a necessary one.

(Useful book: "Now That You Know", by people I forget.)

(No, you don't know me. I lurk on MBTV (errrr, TWoP), but I got here via one of those byzantine LJ Friends links.)

Re:

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thanks. And yeah, I wouldn't want to be too... confrontational.

Re:

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Hee! If I go to Spider-Man with him tomorrow, I could spend time after talking about how pretty and lickable Kirsten is.

Hmm.

Okay, that probably wouldn't go well.

Re:

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Ah. Okay. Cool.

That's helpful. Thanks.

[artemisecstasy.livejournal.com]

Heh, yeah I still sorta avoid the drooling in front of my parents. And they're pretty queer-friendly. Anyway, however you decide to do it good luck! Oh actually I just remembered something I found when Brood brought this up on TWoP, lemme see . . . Coming Out to Your Parents (http://www.pflagphila.org/brochure.htm)

If that link doesn't work this time and you're interested, just lemme know and I'll email or IM it to you.

Re:

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Hotmail is evil. Can you tell me the url?

gah

[artemisecstasy.livejournal.com]

Hee! I think I reposted the damn thing like three times. If none of them worked the actual url is http://www.pflagphila.org/brochure.htm

www.pflag.org is a really good site too.

I just suck at making links tonight, heh.

Re: gah

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

Queer

[jic]

I like the word, too. But I usually identify it with pure gay. I've been having similar thoughts about coming out to my parents - only more as addendum to the 'hey, I'm a slasher. I write gay smut' announcement.

Personally, I self-identify as 'odd,' which is a good, catch-all word that describes so many aspects of my personality. But anyway, I'm not queer (gay), but I'm not completely straight - so, I'm odd.

However you decide to do it (and Silvia gave great advice, IMO), know you have the support of your friends.

Well...

[xander-harris.livejournal.com]

You could say...

"Dad...I think I would prefer the company of women as to men in my dating endeavors."

Okay...goofy Xand taking a break for the next minute.

Just be honest. Let him what you are feeling.

Just say you like women.

-Xand

[coolbandchick.livejournal.com]

I don't really have any spectacular advice, but just wanted to say good luck :)

Re: Queer

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thanks. And yeah, it's complicated.

Re:

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

Re: Well...

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thanks.

You are so cute. And sweet!

*hugs*

Re: Well...

[xander-harris.livejournal.com]

I'm the closest thing to a real life Xander.

-Xandman

Re: gah

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Okay, dude, that totally helped when I talked to my dad. Thank you.