Pros, Cons, and magic

[butterfly]

I saw my therapist today and we talked, you know, about a lot of stuff.

And I told him that I would probably not be able to afford therapy after September. Because insurance only covers you if you're going to school full-time. And I can't afford to.

Not with the $360 that I'm spending to go to Rent.

So he asked to think about all of the consequences and make out a pros and cons sheet for it.

For the curious, the con side was quite a bit longer.

But the pro side had the most important reason of all.

Yeah, going to Rent means that I won't be able to go full-time to college and will probably lose my insurance (on the other side of that is the fact that I am not a good student. I'm smart. I'm good at learning. Despite this, I am not a good student. I don't care about being a good student. And that really does matter at college.) but going to Rent will be good for me, emotionally and mentally.

And I say this based mostly on how it felt to go to the *NSYNC Celebrity concert.

That night, what I felt that night, that's what I've been gunning for, happiness-wise.

I felt beautiful and witty and happy.

I didn't care what I was wearing. I didn't care about any of that superficial crap, because I was glowing.

And after that night, that feeling's what I've been reaching for. And I'm getting there, I really am.

I knew that it was going to be a huge thing for me, but I didn't know how huge.

And something's telling me that this Rent thing, this New York thing, it's important. And I'm listening.