So, I have a new icon -

But while I'm here, I might as well talk a little. I saw 50 First Dates the other day. I liked it - Adam Sandler has a sweetness when he works with Drew that I just don't see in his other roles. Working with her brings out the best in him.

The news of Angel's cancellation is still hard to process. That's part of why I made this icon - it isn't just a sweet farewell to Cordy, it's an advance farewell to the show.

We take what we can get, and we do our best with it.

As philosophies go, it doesn't suck.

How We Get There Matters - Ends and Means

This isn't meta and it isn't a rant, it's a personal exploration of my own beliefs. As such, it's less open-ended than I try to be normally - in fandom essays and meta, I prefer asking questions to answering them, but when it comes to my own life, finding answers is important.

My mom works for a company called Tri-Met - it's the Portland-Metro area public transport service. The 'motto' of the company used to be 'how we get there matters'. Recently, it was decided that that was too judgemental and the new motto is 'see where it takes you'. Personally, I preferred the old one.
( Spoilers up to Angel 5x13 - Why We Fight )

One of the reasons that I'm thinking of this is because of the book Ishmael. I've read it twice now - once a couple of years ago, and once just recently. In so many ways, the messages of the book resonates throughout BtVS and AtS.

In my head, I'm always quoting the Jossverse. When it comes to... the world outside my own head, it's Anyanka's words that come to mind - "This is the world we made." It is, after all. The world we live in now is the result of thousands of years of cause and effect. When people wonder why God let something happen, I wonder why they think that it has anything to do with God - free will is a powerful thing and we've been using it for quite some time. So many of the horrible things that people blame on an uncaring deity can be directly traced to the choices that people have made.

In therapy, we were taught that something cannot be changed unless it is claimed. Every single day, billions of people make choices that make this world what it is. We have no one to blame but ourselves. We were born to a wonder of a planet that has more than enough resources to go around. Instead, this is what we choose, over and over. And when we deny our responsibility then we deny ourselves the chance to change things.

Because this is the world that we made. And America is what it is because this is what the people here choose. And I don't exempt myself - I'm just as much a part of the system as anyone else who works a salaried job. I was born into this world and it's hard to see the way out. This culture, this life, is all I've ever been taught.

We don't choose the hand that we're dealt, but we choose how we play - whether or not to go for broke or play it safe. Whether or not to be honest or cheat.

What I'm working towards is a way to get out of this game entirely, find one that I like.

For now, I'm playing the game, because I do like to eat and to have enough money for the fun things in life, but this isn't where I want to be in a year or five.