Deep Down - Family

Wow, that first dream just makes me shiver in delight. Such amazing set-up. All the ingredients are right there. And seeing Angel's want is such a horrible, hopeless thing.

I believe that the only time that we ever see Wesley wear glasses in S4 is in Angel's dream (question - does he have them in Awakening? I'd guess not, as that surely would have given the dream away.).

But the dream. Wow.
( I really should sleep. But sometimes, you need to watch Angel. )

Deep Down - Angel's son

"He's Angel's son."

That's Fred's reasoning for helping Connor in the beginning. It was all about Angel.

It was never about Connor. And it was never about Wesley (to flash back to S3). She instantly chooses Angel's side over Connor's and over Wesley's. And the cause was sufficient, and yet. Angel was the handsome man who saved her from the monsters. Anyone who tries to hurt her hero is automatically in the wrong.

"Go on, Fred. Hurt me some more. You get used to it."

And her twist into violence is so heartbreaking for Connor. Because, though he was lying to them, he had embraced their life and their caring. And to find out that it was never real must have only confirmed everything he felt about love. He was doing his best to cling to the good and lay waste to the evil. But the good lies and hurts (Fred lied for a quite a while, to get close enough and get his guard down enough so that she could zap him), while the evil is, at least, more upfront about it all.

"What does that mean? Really? Being good, doing the right thing— by whose judgment? Good, evil… they’re just words, Connor. Concepts of morality they forced around your neck to yank you wherever they please. You’re with me now. You don’t have to live by their rules."

Cordy is the only person who treats him as his own entity and not as "Angel's son". Of course, she's manipulating him and using him, but it was because she needed him, personally.

Darla's... memory and feelings appear to him and she says that she has a message.

"It has to be your choice. You can stop this."

It's a trick of a choice, but it is a choice. Liam chose to 'see the world'. William chose something effulgent. Cordy chose to be a higher power. And Connor chose belonging over doing what was right. Connor chose the beautiful lie.

They all got what they wanted, if not in the form they thought it would come in.

Cordy did become a higher power - Jasmine. Angel has seen the world, and himself, and it has caused him more agony than he could have ever imagined. Spike burned up letting the light come, but the fire didn't consume him (otherwise, how could the flames be eternal - Lilah reminded us of that).

And Connor, who was defined by being Angel's son, is now defined by not being Angel's son. The beautiful lie.

To twist back to the beginning: damn, Fred is unperceptive. She accuses both Connor and Wesley of not caring, and they're the ones who care the most about the situation, the ones most defined by Angel. She really doesn't understand them at all.

Deep Down - What you deserve

It's interesting that both Fred and Gunn are there for Angel's little speech and they end up killing a man together.

"There's a difference between wishing vengeance on someone and taking it."

And of course, this is the same Angel who tried to smother Wesley with a pillow just last season.

There's a lot of talk about what people deserve in this episode.

Wesley says two key statements - "Everything changes," and "Everyone gets what they deserve."

Those are actually pretty good guidelines for the Angelverse.

Justine commits a crime, pays her time, and gets the chance to be free again.

Fred and Gunn deserved each other, each so righteous, so certain that they were the strong one. And now Gunn is connected to the conduit to the Senior Partners and Fred is flirting with the morally ambigious. They couldn't live up to each other's standards.

Everything changes.

Everyone gets what they deserve.

Just what is it that Angel deserves?

Ground State - I love you

Gwen being left at Thorpe Academy reminded me so strongly of Angel's "I love you, now get out of my house."

The fact of the matter is, words aren't enough. No matter how much you say love, if you don't show it, it won't mean much to the child. Gwen certainly hasn't 'been good'.

Gwen's parents send her away because she's too dangerous to be around, because the potential for harm is too great. Because they fear her.

Gwen puts up a brave front, all the while being so lost and innocent under her bravado. And that also reminds me of Connor.