Viva la vie Boheme

Sometimes, it's weird when I think about the fact that I belong to a subset of a subset. More than that, even.

I write fanfiction. Some of it is slash. Some of it is RPF.

Each of which pulls me further and further out of the mainstream. (Is anyone out of the mainstream? Is there anyone in the mainstream?)

Average fans of the show think that writing fanfiction is weird and wrong. Many het writers think that writing slash is weird and wrong. Many fanfiction writers think that writing RPF is, yes, weird and wrong.

Sometimes it seems like only those of us in the furthest extreme seem to get that to the lay person, it's pretty much all on the same level of badness.

It's, like, you expect slashers, in general, to understand about what RPFer's go through, but some of them don't seem to realize that they're doing the exact same thing that some het writers or those people who hate all fanfiction are doing.

Why is their kink healthier and less 'wrong' than mine?

It's not.

Anyway, you lot didn't need to hear that, being the brainy type, but I think that I needed to say it.

Cold-hearted Woman

Which would be my beloved Buffy, of course.

One of the reasons that Buffy gets so much praise is that it manages to show so much reality in a fantasy setting. Buffy, Xander, Willow, Spike and Anya are all incredibly complex people who only get more complicated as time passes.

One of the things that they've done that impressed me the most is Buffy's evolution. She's changed so much as a result of her experiences. And because of that, many people see her as a bitch.

She's definitely grown a hard shell over her emotions. She shuts down when pain strikes. She strikes out when her inner turmoil reaches a boiling point. She needs a monster to fight.

She's lost almost everyone. Every man that she's loved, bar Xander, has betrayed or left her from her point of view. (One can argue that Xander's lie in Becoming was a betrayal, but as she didn't either know about it or react, it isn't relevant from Buffy's pov) Her father left. Angel left. Parker was an ass and left. Riley left. Giles left. Spike left. It didn't bug me when she was conflicted about Spike's disappearance in Villains. She'd come to depend on him to protect Dawn and he failed her.

Most of the woman that she's known have left her. Her mother. Jenny, who betrayed her first. Kendra. Faith. Dr. Walsh. Tara. Willow. Though, again, Willow has come back. It doesn't negate that she betrayed everything that Buffy stood for. Is it any wonder that she clings so tightly to Dawn? Dawn, who is dependant on her. One person that she will not let leave her.

I'm reminded of Fred's breakdown in last Sunday's Angel. Those words apply more to Buffy than Fred, especially when you consider how long she's been carrying the burdens of Slaying.

In Season Six and in parts of Season Seven, Buffy reminds me of Wishverse!Buffy, who had no friends.
Wv!Buffy: "World is what it is. We fight, we die. Wishing doesn't change that."
Wv!Giles: "I have to believe in a better world."
Wv!Buffy: "Go ahead. I have to live in this one."

From Once More, With Feeling:
Sweet: "What if I kill you?"
Buffy: "Trust me, won't help."
Sweet: "Oh, that's gloomy."
Buffy: "That's life."

The difference is that Buffy had her friends to pull her back from the edge. She had a kid sister to take care of. She had reasons to start caring again.

But even so, she has that shell around her heart. Because she's been abandoned. She's been betrayed. And she's been killing things since she was just a kid. It's changed her.

And that's real.

Think Pink: Breast Cancer Awareness Month

The CIGNA Foundation is donating $1 for every click on the pink ribbon, up to $100,000. The money will go to support the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation in its mission to eradicate breast cancer as a life-threatening disease.