butterfly | (no subject)

Okay, I originally posted this at TWoP:

Going to therapy? Does wonders for clearing away anger and pain. Everything is caused, whatever's happened in someone's life influences how they feel about Lance, stuff like that. Very cleansing.

I do wish that I could give him several million hugs. But I've managed to get perspective. People who hate Lance hate him because of their entire life experience. And ditto with the love. I'm good.

It was just... felt the same as have hearing people say mean things about my parents. And I've always been one to suppress my emotion before and y'all really don't need to hear my life story.

I love you guys, I love *NSYNC, and I love Lance.

Do you guys think that that implies that I think that people who hate Lance are screwed up? Because that's not what I was saying at all but Bari had this response:

You don't really mean this, do you?? Because I doubt people that don't know him personally but just tease him on message boards aren't lashing out due to a jacked-up childhood or envy. It's just snarking.

Hating a member of a boy-group, or teasing him or any of the others, is not a symptom of ANY kind of self-hate or hate for your life experience.

Good Lord...

And I don't see how she got that from what I posted.

This was my futher edit on my post:

Well, considered how screwed up my own life is, I wouldn't ever pass judgment on someone else's. Well, I'd try not to. I mean that everything that you learn and absorb informs all that you do and feel. I was trying to say that I'm accepting your feelings of Lance as valid for you and mine as valid for me. I wasn't attacking you. I can't see how you got that from my post, but I hope this edit clears it up.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I understood what you meant, without the edit.

But then again, I also thought that Dizzy's attack on Lance went beyond snarking. If you're one of the people who saw it that way (unlike Bari, who IMO is freakish in her defense of that post, which everyone else is treading around like a giant pink elephant in the room because THEY all see it as over the line as well - Dizzy being notably absent in her own defense). If some people what to insist on being a bitch about it, then they won't because their head is far too far up their own ass to admit they're wrong.

Guess who I'm going to see NSYNC in Oakland with? Um, yeah. Lance-hater and Lance-hater-defender. So I'm keeping myself far from getting involved in it over there, but I do support you. I realize that's lame and I'm sorry but I don't want the concert to suck!

It does sound like your therapy is teaching you good stuff! Yay!

Thanks. It is. And Bari is just... being very defensive. She seems to see everything as a personal attack. I'm going to pull up Diz's post on Lance to get opinions from people in LJ-land.

And ouch. That sounds like a rough thing. If they fight, try not to let it bug you.

*hugs*

Honey, I'm sorry that this is getting to you so much. But after I read your initial post, I was kinda put off too, like Bari, and granted, I think Bari didn't need to be that harsh in her reply to your post, but I know why she did it:

"People who hate Lance hate him because of their entire life experience"

It's kind of harsh to say that people hate Lance because they've had a bad life. Bari was somewhat right...you are kinda blaming Lance-hate on bad childhoods. And I don't necessarily hate Lance...he's not one of my favorites, though, but I don't not like him because I was poor as a kid and didn't have all the possibilities he did.

I'm not saying this to offend you, I'm just trying to make you realize why Bari reacted the way she reacted.

Why do people think that 'entire life experience' means a bad childhood? I meant that nothing happens unless it's caused, so naturally any feelings that you have are influenced by your past.

I just don't see where I implied that 'entire life experience' means a bad childhood. That thought process still completely baffles me. Maybe I'm just not articulate enough.

It's not just the fact that "entire life experience" implies that there was a bad childhood, it's also that you have no basis, or right, for that matter, to say that people hate someone because of their life experience. That's not something that you are allowed to tell people. It would be like me saying that you hated Spike because you got raped as a child.

I'm really not trying to be harsh here. It's just my opinion that you were a bit out of line in saying that whole thing about hate stemming from entire life experiences. I'm really not being a bitch, I promise. I agree that some of the TWoP posters are a little harsh in what they post about Lance but again, that's something that you should take in stride.

I don't think that you are actually reading what I'm saying. I'm not putting a spin on it. I'm saying that people prefer one person or another because of their history.

I hate Spike because of my entire life experience has led me to looking at him in a certain way.

That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying that it's bad.

I know, but the way you are saying it has it sounding bad. My history doesn't make me not like Lance. I don't like Lance just because I don't like him. That's it.

Yeah, but the reasons that you don't like him are all wrapped up in who you are. Just the same as the reasons that I don't like whoever/whatever I don't like.

Fine. BElieve that if you want. My point that I'm trying to make is, you can't tell people that. It borders on offensive.

Why? Why does saying your past affects your present offend people?

It's the way you worded it that sounds offensive, and people don't want to be told why they feel the way they feel. You're not allowed to make those decisions for them.

How am I telling people why they feel the way they do?

The cause is sufficent. First rule of the universe. Nothing happens unless it's caused. Therefore, if you dislike Lance, you have been caused to do so by your past. It's science.

I just don't see why that's offensive.

I didn't say that anyone had a bad past that caused them to dislike Lance, just that they had a past. Why is the bad assumed? I certainly wasn't thinking that Mariah or Bari had had a bad life that caused them to dislike Lance. But their past did have a huge bearing on their feelings for him. Just as mine does.

I mean, it's no surprise to me that I love Lance. I tend to fall for basses and Lance physically reminds me of one of my first crushes.

Look, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Just drop it.

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