butterfly | Spiritual stuff:

So, finally got Conversations with God; Part One. I've read the other two parts, but not the first. And now I have all three checked out of the library.

What these books are most useful for, for me, at least... anyway, they make me think. About life, faith, happiness.

I just started and one of the things mentioned is that there are two wellsprings of emotion, love and fear, and everything springs from those two emotions. Which made me think about what makes those two emotions the two emotions and it has to do with trust. Love is trust. Fear is lack of trust.

Also, it made me think about my own position on prayer. I'm a big believer in answered prayers. That is, I believe that every prayer is answered. Every prayer that I have ever made has been answered. My own problem is that I don't ask. I don't feel that I deserve things, and so, while I want them, I don't ask or pray for them.

I still have that instinctive "I'm not good enough" reaction.

I've been wondering whether or not I should continue to call myself a Christian. And really, it does depend on how you define the word. If being Christian means a person who tries to live life as Christ did, then I'm one. If being a Christian means that I think that Jesus is the only way to heaven, then I'm not.

I've stopped believing in hell, though honestly I never had a strong belief in its existence.

Eh, it's too late/early for Deep Thoughts.

Paul Gross is pretty. Callum Keith Rennie is pretty. They're both very pretty when they smile at each other.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

One of my favorite quotes from CWG1 is:

Fear keeps us clothed, love allows us to stand naked.

That's a good quote. What I like about these books is that they say, clearly and concisely, things that I feel to be true.

I've been going through my own spiritual struggles regarding God, Christ, and what/how I believe for the last few years. I tend to think that whether you're a Christian or not is less a matter of filling human-based criteria, and more about what your relationship/belief is about the nature of Jesus Christ, your relationship with him and with God, and that it's something that's between you and God. Having said that? I'm asking myself the same question.

As for hell -- have you ever read C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce? My own impressions of Heaven and Hell are heavily influenced by a lot of Lewis's thought, and this book, a recounting of a "dream" of a bus trip that those in Hell can take to Heaven, gave me a lot of food for thought. If Heaven is union with God in eternity, which is a fairly traditional idea, what if Hell is separation from God? And if God desires only the best for us, if he desires us to be perfect, in the sense of fully human, fully what he sees us to be, to see ourselves as He sees us -- then would he ever not be there for us? And if this is so, and I tend to believe it is (at least on my more faith-full days), then...maybe Hell is something we choose for ourselves, over the course of our lives, not a place, but a state of being. In the Narnia Chronicles, in The Last Battle, the dwarves make a choice not to see the Truth -- not to see Heaven around them. They choose their own Hell, as do those in The Great Divorce, because they are unwilling to give up whatever it is that holds them back from being what they are capable of being, whether it be a habit, a particular relationship, a particular way of seeing themselves and the world.

So, I tend to conceive of Hell not as a place, not as a type of punishment inflicted on someone, but a way of living life that chooses to face away from God, to deny Him a place -- and I don't mean not being Christian, or even not believing in God. Atheists are just as capable of choosing to live towards Truth/Life/Beauty/Good/(God) as theists of whatever stripe. Another theme from Lewis is the idea that whatever good you do in this world you do for God, regardless of who you think you're doing it for. This sounds pretentious and condescending if you take it to mean that I think that regardless of anyone's belief, they're really working for God, and my God at that, but I don't mean it that way. Even if God doesn't exist, I think there is a balance in the universe, a Good way to be, a sense of Beauty, and that it's better to be Life-affirming, Life-fulfilling, than not.

I think God, if El exists, cares less about the means by which we make life choices and more about the choices we make. Less about whether we get it "right" by some cut 'n dried measure, more about whether we seek joy, in ourselves and others, and do what we can to limit the bitterness and ugliness in the world. I'm not so sure he draws the same lines concerning lesser and greater evils that we do, and I'm not sure I know much of anything except that I think there's Someone out there who cares about me and the choices we make, and wants me to stop being a child, and to take responsibility for myself and my choices, and is willing to let me make choices that will cause pain and suffering, because that's the only way I'll learn to grow up.

See, my problem with the idea of hell is the eternal aspect of it. I think that you live in hell as long as you let yourself. You can pull yourself out whenever you choose. Because I can't see God saying, "Fine, whatever, fuck you."

See, my problem with the idea of hell is the eternal aspect of it.

Actually, this is exactly what Lewis posits. You have to pull yourself out of hell, because God didn't put you there. He's always standing in front of you, arms out, and we're the ones who turn away, in our own blindness. I don't think God ever gives up on anyone, but we give up on Him (or Beauty, or Truth, or ourselves) all the time.

Hmm. I should check that book out of the library. Sounds interesting.

In fairness, what I know of Lewis' theology comes from a rather obsessive reading of all his works. *g* Starting with the Narnia chronicles, which put his philosophy in a fictional form that has enchanted me since I was very young.

It's been too long since I read Narnia. I think that I'll be checking those out of the library soon.

Though probably after Christmas.

Spiritual stuff:

Love is trust. Fear is lack of trust

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