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White Rabbits (Star Wars, 11/?)
Chapter: 11/?
Author: Diana Michelle (
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butterfly)Warnings: Spoilers for Revenge of the Sith.
Pairing: Eventual Anakin/Obi-Wan.
Rating: PG/PG-13-ish.
Summary: Anakin finds out that knowing a thing is sometimes worse than imagining what it could be.
Disclaimer: Not Lucas, don't own a thing, not making any money.
Chapter Index
“And we have power,” Anakin said, grinning over at Han, the engine next to them humming with satisfaction. “More than enough to get us to the
“You really are quite the mechanic, kid,” Han said. Anakin shrugged, completely giving up on getting Han to say ‘Anakin’ instead of ‘kid’.
“I’ve always had a gift with machines,” Anakin said. And it was a useful enough talent, but nothing when he compared it to using the Force – building his podracer had been fun, but the thrill of flying it, of letting his instincts guide him through paths too dangerous for most people to survive, had been beyond exhilarating.
Anakin found himself momentarily distracted by a blaze of emotion coming towards them – the woman, all flames and sunspots. “Your girlfriend’s coming.”
Han started to say something, but Leia’s arrival interrupted him.
And then so did her lips.
It was an amusing picture, really – she was kissing Han desperately and Han certainly wasn’t fighting her off. Even though it was nothing like the kisses Anakin shared with Padmé, it still left him with the sudden longing to see her, trace the outline of her body with his hand and with his mouth.
“If you’d like, I can leave,” Anakin offered. Leia pulled away from Han immediately, flushing a deep pink that Anakin didn’t think was entirely called for. They were in love and they were kissing. There wasn’t anything wrong with that.
“Oh!” Leia said, sounding something close to scandalized and brushing off Han’s attempt to touch her arm. “I didn’t notice you there.”
“I don’t mind,” Anakin said.
“Neither do I,” Han said, trying to take Leia’s hand and looking insulted when he got firmly rebuffed. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
“Not right now, Han,” Leia said, moving a few more steps away from Han.
“What, you’ll only kiss me in private now?” Han asked.
“That’s not what I said,” Leia protested. “Look, I just don’t want to kiss you in front of my… in front of Anakin.”
“What makes him so special?” Han asked.
“What does make me so special?” Anakin asked. Leia hesitantly made eye contact with Anakin, then immediately looked away, radiating uncertainty and embarrassment.
“It’s complicated,” she said, at last.
“But you’ll explain, eventually?” Anakin asked.
“I will. Soon,” Leia said, and that seemed to be her final word on the subject.
Obi-Wan and Luke were here, now, so Anakin left the two lovers to talk to each other.
“The ship’s operational again,” he said quietly to Obi-Wan.
“Well done, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, and Anakin felt the familiar warmth of Obi-Wan’s approval surge through him. Odd that he should feel it so strongly, even though Obi-Wan still seemed to be disconnected from the Force. “We’ll see what the
“I am telling the truth,” Luke said, but without much force. Still, Anakin was inclined to believe him. Of course, Anakin hadn’t yet heard the full story, having arrived in the middle the way he had.
“That remains to be seen,” Obi-Wan said, his voice not entirely steady. Anakin frowned – Obi-Wan felt far too unsettled. Achieving serenity of the mind was the one aspect of Jedi training where Anakin knew, without a doubt, that he still was far behind Obi-Wan. To feel Obi-Wan awash in barely controlled emotion was disturbing.
“Excuse us,” Anakin said, reaching out to take Obi-Wan’s arm, pulling him back into the corridor, away from Luke. Soon, they were far enough away to have the semblance of privacy. “Master, please tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s nothing that you can fix,” Obi-Wan said. Obi-Wan glanced over at the others, and so did Anakin – Leia and Han were involved in a heated discussion and Luke was valiantly attempting to ignore everyone.
“That doesn’t matter,” Anakin said. “Please, just tell me.”
“Anakin, it’s not that simple,” Obi-Wan said.
“Make it that simple,” Anakin said, tugging Obi-Wan just a little closer. Obi-Wan looked at him, now, and Anakin could see small hints of weariness and anger and grief and fear – all the little emotions that Obi-Wan tried so hard to fight, harder than he ever fought any battle droid. Obi-Wan fought against himself so strongly, all of the time. It had to be exhausting.
“Are you thinking of leaving the Order?” Obi-Wan asked softly, and that was a question that Anakin had tried so hard not to make Obi-Wan ask, ever. Why would he ask it now?
“No,” Anakin said, only realizing that he’d tightened his grip on Obi-Wan’s arm when Obi-Wan winced. He loosened his hold, but felt grateful that Obi-Wan hadn’t tried to pull away. “I can’t imagine ever wanting to leave, Master.”
“Not even for Padmé?” Obi-Wan asked. Anakin took in a deep, shuddering breath, his world starting to shiver around the edges. Obi-Wan never talked about Padmé when it was just the two of them, and he always called her Senator when he mentioned her in public.
“Why are we talking about this?” Anakin asked, just a little too loudly – Han and Leia were looking over at them. At this moment, though, Anakin couldn’t find it in himself to care. This entire conversation was not supposed to happen, not ever.
“Do you love her?” Obi-Wan asked, and his words were sharp, and they hurt in a way that Obi-Wan’s words hadn’t since Anakin had been a Padawan. “Does she mean more to you than being a Jedi does?”
“No!” Anakin said, and even Luke wasn’t pretending not to listen anymore, though he appeared intelligent enough not to interfere. “Yes… I don’t…”
“I thought it was just a childish infatuation,” Obi-Wan said, and he didn’t sound angry anymore, just very tired. “But it’s more than that, isn’t it?”
“Master…” Anakin said softly.
“You love her. I can see it in your eyes.” Obi-Wan slowly pulled his arm out of Anakin’s grip. Anakin let him, his fingers feeling useless and numb. “And you're going to leave us for her.”
“No,” Anakin said.
“You wanted to know what was bothering me,” Obi-Wan said. “And that’s it. You’re going to leave the Order.”
“We don’t know that,” Luke said, breaking into their conversation. Anakin glanced up, feeling strength begin to flood into him again. This man was the reason that Obi-Wan was saying these things – Anakin was absolutely sure about that.
“And just what is it that you know?” Anakin asked, narrowing his eyes.
“Well, I’m certain that you two are from the past – I’d say around twenty to thirty years in my past,” Luke said. He was staring at Obi-Wan and that was perhaps the only thing restraining Anakin’s anger – Luke seemed nearly as hurt by Obi-Wan’s pain as Anakin himself was.
“I knew that part already,” Anakin said, part of him hoping to hear Obi-Wan chastise him for his impatience.
“Well, this is something that you didn’t know,” Leia said, pulling away from Han to stand next to Luke. “My father’s name, and Luke’s father’s name, was Anakin Skywalker.”
For a brief moment, the only sound in the room was the soft buzz of the engine.
Everything made a certain kind of horrible and beautiful sense.
Anakin looked at the pair again, with this new knowledge twisting around in his head.
Leia had Padmé's chin, sharp and arresting, and her coloring, strong and dark. Luke echoed her in the wideness of his eyes and in the delicacy of his features, each line placed just so. And when Anakin reached out with the Force, he could feel Padmé's fierce determination in Leia and her equally fierce kindness in Luke.
And there was something else there, in Luke, a hint of another familiar thing.
Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan was there, hidden in Luke’s Force signature, a subtle flourish that spoke of a student’s earliest teacher.
“You have got to be kidding me!” Han said loudly, and the world started again.
“It’s true,” Luke said, still looking at Obi-Wan.
“It is true,” Anakin said softly, not daring to look at Obi-Wan himself. “I can feel it, now that I know what to look for.”
“I can’t believe that you let that monster onto my ship,” Han muttered.
Monster? Falling in love and having children might make him a failure as a Jedi, but it wouldn’t make him a monster, not even in the eyes of the Council.
“You will not speak of him that way,” Obi-Wan said. Anakin looked over at Obi-Wan, startled and pleased. “I don’t care what you say he’s done. He hasn’t done it yet. You will not condemn Anakin for a crime he has not committed.”
“Master, I-”
“Not now, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, meeting Anakin’s gaze. Anakin backed up a step at the distance in Obi-Wan’s eyes. That look was all the reasons why he’d never planned on telling Obi-Wan about his relationship with Padmé. “Let’s just concentrate on the task at hand.”
“Yes, Master,” Anakin said.
Anakin made his decision, at that moment. Whatever had happened, whatever he’d ended up doing in this future, he would make up for it. When they found a way back to the past, he would make that look in Obi-Wan’s eyes go away. He would find a way to prove that loving Padmé did not mean he had to stop being a Jedi. He would win back Obi-Wan’s respect.
And he'd sensed Obi-Wan in Luke -- so Obi-Wan had to forgive him, at some point in the future. Their relationship would mend. Obi-Wan teaching Anakin's son could mean nothing else.
He had to.
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Also, I really like how Anakin backs off at the end there with Obi-Wan, it feels very much in character.
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Also, I really like how Anakin backs off at the end there with Obi-Wan, it feels very much in character.
He only pushes so far, yeah. They have such an interesting dynamic.
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I will explain -- you are the main person that I knew who adored the Republic Trilogy before I started loving it, so, in my head, you're kind of an authority on Star Wars in general.
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Thank you. I'm really happy you're writing SW fanfic, you know.
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And he'd sensed Obi-Wan in Luke -- so Obi-Wan had to forgive him, at some point in the future. Their relationship would mend. Obi-Wan teaching Anakin's son could mean nothing else.
I like that Obi-Wan isn't the only one trying the denial thing on for a fit.
Also I find Anakin's behaviour here somewhat heartbreaking. Because Anakin can't imagine leaving the order, and his belief that whatever has happened was obviously resolved because Obi-Wan taught Luke... that is painful. And not only because we (as well as Luke, Leia & Han) know that forgiveness was not given and that Anakin himself as Darth Vader was the one that killed Obi-Wan.
Very nicely done... more soon?
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I can't decide whose POV I like better. I adore Obi-Wan's mostly because I'm a huge Obi-Wan fan but Anakin's is damn intriguing.
Obi-Wan's my favorite, but the Skywalkers as a set (and Anakin in particular) are a close second.
Also I find Anakin's behaviour here somewhat heartbreaking. Because Anakin can't imagine leaving the order, and his belief that whatever has happened was obviously resolved because Obi-Wan taught Luke... that is painful. And not only because we (as well as Luke, Leia & Han) know that forgiveness was not given and that Anakin himself as Darth Vader was the one that killed Obi-Wan.
Yeah, Anakin's bad news really hasn't stopped arriving yet.
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Go Leia! Just plunk it out there ^^
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Thank you.
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And yes, the whole "if only they'd talked" thing kills me. Because I can understand why they didn't and yet... if only they'd talked.
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Anakin. Wanting to fic everything is what got to you to where you were in the first place.
Though what Luke said about not being sure yet... perhaps it is not Luke's past. Maybe it is like a parallel world! (see me DENY the pain)
Just a beautiful piece.
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And yeah, Anakin doesn't always learn from his mistakes.
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It's painful to see how Obi-Wan is trying to put some distance between himself and Anakin after he realizes how much Anakin feels for Padmé. I have the feeling this is Obi-Wan's attempt to avoid facing his own emotions.
Nice touch that Anakin sees Padmé in both Luke and Leia - and doesn't see that they both have things in common with him as well. Obi-Wan on the other hand sees Anakin in both Luke and Leia.
More soon?
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It's painful to see how Obi-Wan is trying to put some distance between himself and Anakin after he realizes how much Anakin feels for Padmé. I have the feeling this is Obi-Wan's attempt to avoid facing his own emotions.
Yeah, Obi-Wan really isn't ready to feel everything that he's feeling.
Nice touch that Anakin sees Padmé in both Luke and Leia - and doesn't see that they both have things in common with him as well. Obi-Wan on the other hand sees Anakin in both Luke and Leia.
Thank you. I really liked that part myself, so, yay!
re: White Rabbits (Star Wars, 11: To Talk of Many Things
Anakin shrugged, completely giving up on getting Han to say ‘Anakin’ instead of ‘kid’.
Han is treating Anakin just like he treated Luke! :)
“Well done, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said, and Anakin felt the familiar warmth of Obi-Wan’s approval surge through him. Odd that he should feel it so strongly, even though Obi-Wan still seemed to be disconnected from the Force.
This line contrasts so well and so sad with this:
Anakin made his decision, at that moment. Whatever had happened, whatever he’d ended up doing in this future, he would make up for it. When they found a way back to the past, he would make that look in Obi-Wan’s eyes go away. He would find a way to prove that loving Padmé did not mean he had to stop being a Jedi. He would win back Obi-Wan’s respect.
*********************
Obi-Wan looked at him, now, and Anakin could see small hints of weariness and anger and grief and fear – all the little emotions that Obi-Wan tried so hard to fight, harder than he ever fought any battle droid. Obi-Wan fought against himself so strongly, all of the time. It had to be exhausting.
Silly Jedi--I would like to see them and the Vulcans sit down and talk about things. That would be interesting! *winks*
Everything made a certain kind of horrible and beautiful sense.
A wonderful and well-written line.
Leia had Padmé's chin, sharp and arresting, and her coloring, strong and dark. Luke echoed her in the wideness of his eyes and in the delicacy of his features, each line placed just so. And when Anakin reached out with the Force, he could feel Padmé's fierce determination in Leia and her equally fierce kindness in Luke.
I agree with most of this! :) But Leia's chin at times reminds me more of Anakin's. JMHO. When she gets fierce. :)
Anakin's fierce determination to make what once was wrong right is one of those things that I adore about this character. Those last three paragraphs really did me in--I got all teary. :( But it's okay.
(PS I had to repost because I didn't say what I wanted to say in the correct order.)
Re: White Rabbits (Star Wars, 11: To Talk of Many Things
Thanks!
Leia had Padmé's chin, sharp and arresting, and her coloring, strong and dark. Luke echoed her in the wideness of his eyes and in the delicacy of his features, each line placed just so. And when Anakin reached out with the Force, he could feel Padmé's fierce determination in Leia and her equally fierce kindness in Luke.
I agree with most of this! :) But Leia's chin at times reminds me more of Anakin's. JMHO. When she gets fierce. :)
This was hard. I spent quite a while staring at various pictures of them, trying to work out what came where. And even then, it's still debatable, I agree.
Anakin's fierce determination to make what once was wrong right is one of those things that I adore about this character. Those last three paragraphs really did me in--I got all teary. :( But it's okay.
I always get attached to characters who passionately try their hardest. Even if they fail, even if their task is impossible. I love them for trying.