Personal: Numbers and Glass

[butterfly]

My mom turned sixty back in February. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with, well, anything, but it's one of those round numbers that makes a person think. A few months back, I started ending my phone calls to my mom or dad with 'love you', which has become pretty much an established habit by this point. I'm happy about that, about being able to say it (I've been known to have a hard time with such things).

It made me think a little bit about my friendship with my roommate, jic, which is much more... touch-based than any other relationship I've had in the past. I'm not good at reaching out, but I'm learning. Remembering. When I was a kid, I was bossy and playful and utterly certain of my own adorability. But my foundation was made out of glass and when I lost one thing that mattered to me, the rest ceased to matter at all (again, I should note the similarity of this attitude to the one that Willow sports at the end of S6 -- the difference between us was that I was wholly self-destructive, while Willow was also other-destructive). Everything shattered.

My new foundation is not made of glass and it was built over several long years. It will not shatter, because I have made it out of myself and created it to bend and not to break. Instead of starting outside and spiraling in to build me up, it starts on the inside and works outward. It's stronger, but, ultimately, I believe it is much more flexible as well.

If I had not shattered, I would still be made out of glass. This is why I have learned to have no regrets, only gratitude.

Comments

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

Hey.
I don't think I've commented here in a while... just wanted to touch base. I'm glad to read what you've just written. *hugs*

[butterfly.livejournal.com]

Hey!

It's always good to hear from you. And thank you.

*hugs back*