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Sometimes...
I wonder where I would be if I hadn't found this. Found Buffy. Found *NSYNC. Found LJ. Found MBTV.
They're such a big part of my life. Sometimes the only good part.
I wonder if I'd be the kind of fan who would cry at a concert. I've never been, so I don't know. I think that I would. If only because of how much they're given me, how many doors loving *NSYNC has opened.
When I listen to *NSYNC, when I watch Buffy, when I hang around here or on the forums, I never feel the need to cut. Because I cut to be real and to be alive and when I'm doing those things, I feel real. I feel connected. I don't need the blood to prove that I'm alive when I'm doing something I love.
So, sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I didn't have that. But not too hard. Because I don't want to imagine that world.
They're such a big part of my life. Sometimes the only good part.
I wonder if I'd be the kind of fan who would cry at a concert. I've never been, so I don't know. I think that I would. If only because of how much they're given me, how many doors loving *NSYNC has opened.
When I listen to *NSYNC, when I watch Buffy, when I hang around here or on the forums, I never feel the need to cut. Because I cut to be real and to be alive and when I'm doing those things, I feel real. I feel connected. I don't need the blood to prove that I'm alive when I'm doing something I love.
So, sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I didn't have that. But not too hard. Because I don't want to imagine that world.